buying a house with parental help

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 8:51 am

im just curious, I was talking to my parents about the fact that in the near future we hope to buy a home. I then went on to ask them if when they bought their house (30 years ago) did my grandparents help then pay for it financially. and they told me that they did help them. I asked b/c there are many young families here in our community with normal jobs (teachers, lawyers, bakers, secretaries, doctors etc.) that seem to have bought homes on their salaries and I dont get how.

so I was just wondering if it is a normal thing, all over the world (we are in israel) that parents might help with a down payment of a home for their children?

Raisin

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 8:57 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

If parents can afford it, I think it is common. also parents can guarantee a mortgage.

mimivan

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 9:06 am

Are you kidding? There was a family we didn't know how they were making parnassa until he told my dh that his parents bought their entire apartment, lock, stock and barrel.

they are Israeli..I think it is common (just observation) in Israel for parents to help grown children financially..even way beyond (the parents) means..

Be careful, though. I do not know your parents, but sometimes that kind of help doesn't come "free" if you know what I mean.

sky

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 9:30 am

Tamiri wrote:

I don't know very many "self made" home owners.

I was working at a good job for 2.5 years before getting married. I was living with my parents and had very little expenses. When I got married I had a down payment for a house. So it is possible. but I cannot imagine being able to have done it otherwise.

Our parents did give us small loans so we would be able to cut back on our monthly morgage payment. We pay them back monthly just like our morgage - but its without interest so it is a huge savings.

b"h with our parents $$ does not come with strings attached, but I'm still happy that we were able to do it on our own.

mandksima

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 9:41 am

We had an initial $10,000 gift from one parent towards the down payment on our first house, a 2 family. The rest of the downpayment was savings from my DH's bar mitzvah money put into stocks. We had a decent mortgage and both of us were working for a while. With the rental income put into savings (as much as we could), we bought a second house on our own after selling the first for a profit. Then we bought a third house, after selling the second (although we took a huge loss on that one.) Maybe some parents help their kids with more but it should depend on their abillity fiancially to help and if the kids are working themselves so they could manage the mortgage. To buy outright is sometimes done in Israel but I would assume there or in the States, it is mostly done with only the extremely wealthy.

I would like to help our kids someday with a small amount towards the downpayment or be a guarantor on the loan. But they have to work as I would never take over their mortgage. It really bothers me when parents overextend themselves for kids who aren't inclined to work hard enough and wait until they can afford it.

Fabulous

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 10:01 am

For Israeli couples, I think it is common for the two sets of parents to buy an apt (maybe two or three bedroom). If and when they can afford to move, they sell that and use that money towards a larger home. In NY, it is not so common, although parents often help with the down payment if they can.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 10:22 am

mimivan wrote:

can you please explain what you mean by "the help doesnt come "free"?

and let me clarify: we are in israel but my parents are in NJ. we are not talking about financial help, we never asked for that. we are talking about for a home, not for milk and clothing

mimivan

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 10:25 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

mimivan wrote:

Before I say this, please do not be offended, since I do not know your parents or you personally...but lately I have been reading threads about people whose parents have had certain expectations because they have provided help financially...that's what I meant.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 10:27 am

Quote:

In Israel, very generally speaking, you don't have to ask your parents. They work it out when they meet to discuss the wedding details. And yes, sometimes it's quite nasty.

isnt this mostly in charedi/chassidish circles? I dont know of anyone who this holds true for in my circle of friends, only my chassidish cousins here.

Tamiri

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 10:37 am

I am not chassidish or litvish and I hear it's done - DL. I did not hear about this being done when I was being married, maybe because none of my close friends went through it (American Olim). I am not sure what the Israelis did. These days, I hear people around me who are marrying off kids talking about "the talk" with the soon-to-be machatunim. Or, mechutanim in Hebrew.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 10:42 am

Tamiri wrote:

interesting, who knows????? different age group? dont know, I never heard of it. hm, im curiuos now to find out such a thing, if it is in certain circles or certain age groups who knows.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 10:45 am

mimivan wrote:

shabbatiscoming wrote:

mimivan wrote:

oh, no not with us.

manhattanmom

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 10:50 am

Tamiri wrote:

Yes, it's common both in the U.S. currently and in generations past and in Israel currently and in generations past. I don't know very many "self made" home owners.

I'm going to agree that it is very common. I know many people who have bought homes with their parents' help or rather, have had their parents buy their first homes, apartments, etc.
I also know quite a few people who ARE "self made" home owners. Personally, I don't like the whole attitude that some people have of having their parents help with everything. It's one thing if you really need help getting yourself started in a new business or are paying for school and need a boost here and there to be able to afford your health insurance, but to sit back and have your parents buy everything for you because you are getting married (after paying for the whole wedding) seems like too much. You don't need to own a fully furnished home immediately.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 10:57 am

manhattanmom wrote:

Tamiri wrote:

Yes, it's common both in the U.S. currently and in generations past and in Israel currently and in generations past. I don't know very many "self made" home owners.

you are totally correct that nobody needs to own a fully furnished home immediately. that was not at all what I was talking about. BH my husband and I have been saving for the last three years (thats how long we are married) and we bought all that is ours right now that we own in our apartment. my parents told us that when we IYH want to buy a home they would want to help us out. so I was just curious if this was something that was done all over, thats all.

Quote:

Of course financial help comes with a price. Even if the parents don't make outright demands, there's always the need to please the people that helped you out.

I dont see it that way. dont you want to please your parents anyway?

DefyGravity

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 11:01 am

Of course, but it's a lot different when they've given you a substantial amount of money.

It's a difficult situation when one set of parents is able to buy their kids all sorts of expensive things, such as houses, cars, etc., and the other set can't. From what I see, it seems like the less wealthy parents get the raw end of the deal because their kids feel that they owe the wealthy parents, and tend to go to them for the holidays.