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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Pesach

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amother

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 7:03 pm

I'm at my wits end. this time of year is IMPOSSIBLE. kids fighting. everyone's off and needs to be entertained. I need to cook from scratch, no pesach kitchen, picky eaters all around, house flying, still working because money needs to be made, unpack 15 boxes of pesach utensils and pots and paraphernalia. it's all endless and so difficult.

how am I supposed to stay calm and normal? I feel like I'm gonna implode.

I want to tantrum. and never get up. it's too much.

why is it like this?
and I'm not extra. I do the basics, bare minimal. please don't lecture me.

happy chick

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 7:06 pm

Everything you said applies to me as well. I'm tired, hungry, angry. Shopped 20x already and still gonna go another 10x. Working till the last day. Shabbos is gonna be complicated. My body is aching from head to toe and I just wanna go to bed.

L25

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 7:08 pm

Can you entertain by having them clean. If they are allowed to pick the job even one that's not necessary like scrubbing walls ...

amother

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 7:09 pm

I know. what does Hashem want from me? I'm so overworked as it is, even on a regular day. this doesnt feel sustainable. and knowing that 98% of yiddishe mammehs are feeling this too makes me so so angry.
and our kids deserve a semi-calm mother. someone that can calm them after a hard day at school, not a mother that's an overworked, overwhelmed semi-human.

amother

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 7:13 pm

L25 wrote:

Can you entertain by having them clean. If they are allowed to pick the job even one that's not necessary like scrubbing walls ...

did that already. helps for 5 minutes. my kids are young and cant stay on one thing for long. the day is so long, the to do list is endless, and it wont stop till 2 weeks from today, if then.
even on yomtov, I don't see the nice part.
some moments will be peaceful but the rest is just too much for me.

penguin

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 8:01 pm

Well this isn't necessarily the nice part but a way that may help you cope.
(This is not an advertisement, I'm just passing on a calming tip that may help, with Esti's permission)

From Esti Berlin, Mastery Life Coach and energy healer. She says:

I came across this technique that has really helped many people and it is so simple and quick to implement. It is called the 60 Second Fix.

It consists of 5 easy steps.

1-Feel the ground beneath your feet. If need be, wiggle your toes to really feel it. You can imagine roots growing from your feet to the center of the earth to really get that grounding feeling.

2-Feel the seat you are sitting on. Feel how supported you are. Feel the support your back is getting. Notice how grounded you feel.

3-Take a deep breath. Not just a small one. Fill your stomach with air as you keep breathing.

4-Now, use your imagination. Imagine a peaceful place - water and and nature is helpful. Imagine the scene like you are sitting there right now using all 5 senses. This activates the parasympathetic system.

5-This last step is what makes all 4 steps work. Notice what is going on in your body. Bring your awareness to the inside of your body. And notice the feelings. This makes the neurons fire faster and makes the neural pathways stronger.

You can do this sitting but you can also do it standing if you don't even have time to sit.

You can implement only some of the steps and feel the difference also. The only step you can't leave it out is #5 - noticing what is going on inside your body.

So... Washing the dishes? Take 60 seconds to do it then. Standing on line to pay at the grocery? Take 60 seconds to do it then.

Just give yourself this gift and watch the difference inside your body. It balances the hormones inside you and will relieve your pain. As well, it will make for a much less stressful week.

I would love it if you can take a minute to let me know what your experience has been in trying this out.

You can contact her at coachingwithesti@gmail.com

L25

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 8:09 pm

amother OP wrote:

I totally hear you. I find pesach cleaning stressful and shabbos and y"t in general hard and I don't even work! was just hoping that may be it might help but it sounds like you tried already....

amother

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 11:12 pm

thanks penguin. I will try it. thinking where to leave all the "instructions" so I have easy access to remember it.

so what's the nice part, ladies? on yomtov it's non stop work and effort from me too. I want to know where other amothers have their moments of "ahhhh maybe this is what I worked so hard for".

I have moments of nachas and joy. maybe that's it. the effort is so overwhelming though. every pesach does this to me.
it's harder than Elul. There's no one focus, we have to do everything. also clean, also turn over, also cook....

and I'm big on shortcuts. I guess venting is what I'm needing right now, so thanks all.

amother

Feverfew

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 12:35 am

So hard for me! Hearing everyone quote that reminder that your children are not the korban pesach and all I can think of is "no it's me, I'm the korban pesach"

amother

Blue

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 12:48 am

There is something about not being able to get ahead with Pesach. No matter how far ahead you plan, unless you have a Pesach kitchen and lot's of freezer space, you are cooking everything in the few days before the chag, and even so likely setting everything up. And you're doing all of this with the kids home.

Honestly? I think the good part is if/when many years in the future, the kids can say that looking back it was good and overall see it and yiddishkeit fondly. It's far away and not guaranteed. And definitely tinged with everything you are describing. And it doesn't help me day to day.

#BestBubby

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 12:54 am

Hashem should bless all you Holy Noshim Tzidkoniyus with strength and peace of mind.

penguin

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 1:27 am

If you're able to have cleaning help on YT, even for a couple of hours, you will feel so much netter!

amother

Papaya

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 2:14 am

Could you delegate some jobs? Eg. Dh or kids if they’re old enough, are tasked with setting up every meal, someone else with clear up, and during that time you have to sit like a Queen doing nothing.

fig

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 2:30 am

There’s a reason why we are allowed
to cook on yt.
Simple fresh food can be put in the oven on yt with basic spices seasonings that doesn’t take much longer than taking out your prelabeled defrosted from being cooked weeks ago…
Focus on getting rid of Chametz and having stocked freezer and , fridge with ingredients and basic spices
Roast
Turkey breast
Chicken
Pepper steak
Frozen vegies
Potatoes etc baked with proteins
Fresh lettuce
Too much stress to shop ,clean and have whole yt cooked before ….

Bnei Berak 10

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 3:22 am

Your kids won't be damaged for life if you are a less than perfect mum because of Pesach preparations.

abound

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 3:56 am

I cook on yt, no spring cleaning after rosh chodesh nissan...not even a window!
I cook on yt....putup a crocpot at night of meat and pot for the day meal.
the kids wrra the same non wrinkle clothes all week so that I just have to wash one or two loads evey night and no folding.
I plan meals, simple, but if everyone eats well they behave better.

This is what I did when the kids were younger, now they help me.

If they are really crazy, sit outside with them or go to the park, this way at least your house is not getting messy , they wont fight as much and you will have more energy after they go to sleep to accomplish.

amother

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 11:37 am

just coming to say that I had a solid nights sleep BH and feeling much better. also tyh that it's not hot outside because cooking and organizing and going to work in the heat drains me.

my kids are definitely not the korban pesach. the most stressful thing for them is that we didn't stock up new chametz snacks so they have to take snacks they don't like.

they do chip in, where they can, as age appropriate. dh helps too bH.

I guess it's just all around overwhelming with so much to do and so many areas of high tension it's hard to stay calm.

@Penguin, I did your exercise in bed this morning, while my toddler jumped all over me, and I want to say thanks for your response and taking the time to write it out. I'd like to think it helped me to feel more myself this morning.

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