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Forum
-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Pesach
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amother
OP
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 Sun, Apr 28 2024, 7:49 am
I don't have energy to finish cooking for the last days. Nights have been really late and my baby wakes up at 6 like clockwork. Plus the fact that we don't eat processed food so every single meal has to be made by me.
I have a house full of guests and not a single one of them has offered (unless I beg or am actually falling asleep) to watch the baby for a couple of hours so I can get some stuff done or have time to myself. All they do is tell me that everything I've been doing with her until now is wrong. She eats too much, sleeps too much, etc.
I feel like I need a three week vacation after this is over, which obviously is not going to happen.
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amother
Mustard
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Sun, Apr 28 2024, 7:52 am
Sounds intense!
If I was you, I just wouldn't do it or just do the very bare minimum.
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amother
PlumPink
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Sun, Apr 28 2024, 7:57 am
Plan that vacation.
Dh must chip in, if not you will start using processed. This isnt working.
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Comptroller
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Sun, Apr 28 2024, 8:00 am
just go on strike and look what happens.
I plan to cook everything on yom-tov. No precooking for yom-tov!
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amother
Ruby
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Sun, Apr 28 2024, 8:13 am
| amother PlumPink wrote: | Plan that vacation.
Dh must chip in, if not you will start using processed. This isnt working. |
This will never work. You can't go against your own minhaggim and ruining your marriage.
Inviting guest should be limited to what you can easily handle.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Apr 28 2024, 8:18 am
| amother Ruby wrote: | This will never work. You can't go against your own minhaggim and ruining your marriage.
Inviting guest should be limited to what you can easily handle. |
The guests are family who came to meet the baby for the first time. Was it too much of me to hope that they'd offer their time to watch her for a bit ?
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amother
Ruby
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Sun, Apr 28 2024, 8:19 am
Don't allow your children and guest to treat you like a server or maid. Demand that everyone chip in. Can DH to take charge of who serves which dish send who clears the table? Teach them Dereche eretz and mentlichkiet, after all you don’t want your DIL to complain here that their DH don't life a finger.
Have a peaceful rest of the Yom Tov
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amother
Ruby
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Sun, Apr 28 2024, 8:21 am
| amother OP wrote: | | The guests are family who came to meet the baby for the first time. Was it too much of me to hope that they'd offer their time to watch her for a bit ? |
Not at all. Can it be that they ran away from the noise and hard work in their home?!
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shachachti
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Sun, Apr 28 2024, 8:23 am
| amother OP wrote: | | The guests are family who came to meet the baby for the first time. Was it too much of me to hope that they'd offer their time to watch her for a bit ? |
No, you have normal expectations.
The question is if you can say to them I really appreciate that you came to see the baby but this is too much. I can't anymore.
What is holding you back from saying what you wrote in your first post?
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amother
OP
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Sun, Apr 28 2024, 8:42 am
| shachachti wrote: | No, you have normal expectations.
The question is if you can say to them I really appreciate that you came to see the baby but this is too much. I can't anymore.
What is holding you back from saying what you wrote in your first post? |
It's really hard for me to ask for things that I know will inconvenience other people. I know that's not healthy.
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amother
DarkRed
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Sun, Apr 28 2024, 9:00 am
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chocolate moose
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Sun, Apr 28 2024, 5:29 pm
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that's why I plan the whole yomtov in advance. make brisket, freeze n 2 containers. ratatoulle, same. soup, big. frozen. it won'thelp you know but in might in the future. you can't just go and go and go and gol
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amother
Pansy
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Sun, Apr 28 2024, 6:26 pm
| amother Ruby wrote: | This will never work. You can't go against your own minhaggim and ruining your marriage.
Inviting guest should be limited to what you can easily handle. |
I am a one man band, DH and older kids are just not into helping and I cannot and will not force.
I made a resolution for myself.
I.am.not.a.shmatta.and.will.not.overwork.like.a.horse.
I cut down on many chumras and minhagim. On whos cheshbon are all the chumras?
My chumra is too stay calm and let go of the rest.
DH expressed disappointment and disapproval and I feel no guilt whatsoever.
If he wants, hes welcome to step in and take over.
Youre saying you cant ruin your SB over chumras?
I say im not going to ruin my SB because of the chumras!
No help, no chumra.
(I still keep many chumras, but dropped the ones that exhausts me).
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amother
Steel
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Sun, Apr 28 2024, 6:33 pm
| amother Ruby wrote: | This will never work. You can't go against your own minhaggim and ruining your marriage.
Inviting guest should be limited to what you can easily handle. |
A dh can’t force minhagim on the back of his wife. He needs to pitch it and make YT manageable for her too.
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