First Pesach was hard

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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Pesach

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amother

Tue, Apr 30 2024, 11:10 pm

It’s my first Pesach married. We don’t have family around. I cooked so much and I like cooking but I felt at times like a maid. As if my husband expects to be served. I have to worry about money just as much as he does and the financial burden isn’t on him but yet I’m the chef and I had to cook so much by myself. We can’t afford help. If I was in a situation where he was earning even half the parnasa I wouldn’t feel as resentful. He’s not even bringing in half. We are broke now and I’m going to have to work hard to feel secure let alone all this. It makes me feel alone and almost wondering if I made a mistake. I guess the truth is because we are struggling financially and so a lot of it falls on me-it’s mostly my savings that we are using from before the marriage, and yet I have to also be a good wife serving cooking looking pretty to his liking I am becoming tired and worn and sad.

mfb

Tue, Apr 30 2024, 11:13 pm

For the future there is no reason he can’t help in the kitchen. But you will have to ask him directly not hint.

amother

Tue, Apr 30 2024, 11:14 pm

mfb wrote:

For the future there is no reason he can’t help in the kitchen. But you will have to ask him directly not hint.

He doesn’t want to. He grew up spoiled. His mother never really worked. His ex wife didn’t work because he had more money then. He doesn’t want me to have to work but I have to and I feel as if the load of everything is on me.

amother

Buttercup

Tue, Apr 30 2024, 11:43 pm

That really stinks that you’re having to spend your savings. Any way you guys can cut back more?

amother

Vanilla

Tue, Apr 30 2024, 11:45 pm

amother OP wrote:

If he doesn't want to, then you probably shouldn't either. Eat yogurts and hard boiled eggs. He can fend for himself too.

Comptroller

Tue, Apr 30 2024, 11:50 pm

I am sorry to hear all that.

If he does not "want" to contribute in the household chores, you will need to have a heart to heart with him. And if it doesn't help, go on strike and do nothing for him. So he will feel the emergency.

And have your salary paid on an account only you have access to.

Halacha says that he has to feed, clothe and house you, in this case he can have your salary as a contribution to the household. But if he fails to do that, you can keep all your salary and you have no halachic obligation towards him (or even your common children), he can stay hungry.

amother

Lily

Wed, May 01 2024, 12:26 am

First try talking to him. If that doesnt work, then go on strike. You arent a maid if you are doing most of the work in the house and out he can peel some potatoes and wash the dishes.

Good practice for when you have kids.

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