Gentle parenting success

amother

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:40 am

We've been off schedule the last 3 weeks with the kids sleeping in different beds than they're used to, eating new foods, meeting new people... And bh bli ayan hora my kids were the most well behaved kids!! I do gentle parenting meaning I don't punish

amother

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:06 am

salt wrote:

Do they behave well because you don't punish, or do you not punish because they behave well?

Things happen that I could punish them for but not often because I don't punish.
Like my 3 year old pushes my baby down but I don't make a thing out of it so it's happening less. Or if my 5 year old says something not nice to my 3 year old I validate my 3 year olds hurt feelings and I try to figure out why my 5 year old feels like he has to get my attention that way because it's not like him.
BH overall it was a very very calm yt even with everything loaded with sugar

amother

Firethorn

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:08 am

amother OP wrote:

Sounds nice and all. Wait till they get older and get mad at you for not yelling at the brother that pushed them. Where is the justice? Just daven to Hashem that you should have the seichel to do the right thing at the right time.

amother

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:09 am

giftedmom wrote:

Depending on your chumros some kids do very well when eating less sugar/no food coloring. Happy for you though!

Don't worry they had plenty of sugar on yt!

amother

Winterberry

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:13 am

amother OP wrote:

A while back my mother was saying how she doesn't approve of my parenting. Now she was saying how well behaved my kids are BH

That's fantastic!

I don't think I do gentle parenting, but similar. I rarely punish, but when I do punish, it's not time out or spanking, more like "too loud in the car, I'm gonna turn around and leave you all at home with Dad and go shopping by myself now!" I also get comments on how well behaved my kids are.

amother

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:16 am

amother Firethorn wrote:

Amen but I don't yell at anyone and I try to make everyone heard. I have a very deep connection with my kids BH

amother

Azalea

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:19 am

Bh bh my kids are well behaved, I don't punish, but I don't think that I do gentle parenting.
I believe that children's behavior, has alot to do with their home environment.

amother

Kiwi

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:20 am

amother Azalea wrote:

Bh bh my kids are well behaved, I don't punish, but I don't think that I do gentle parenting.
I believe that children's behavior, has alot to do with their home environment.

So why then do I have one kid who is so well behaved and one who is not?? They live in the same home environment

amother

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:20 am

amother Winterberry wrote:

I say something like 'can you please lower your voice? It's hard to concentrate on my driving if there's very loud noises behind me' or 'I can't hear what your saying can you please lower your voice first?' I model please and thank you that my kids are really good about it too that if one of my other kids don't like the loud noises he makes then he would say the same thing I would

amother

Azalea

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:21 am

Something to consider OP, that if you only have little kids, it's a bit too soon to say that gentle parenting is successful. It gets way harder as the kids grow older. For now, you're seeing good results. You can't know what the future will bring, and "chanoch l'naar al pi darko" means that every child needs a different method of parenting. There isn't really one way that works for all children.

amother

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:24 am

amother Kiwi wrote:

So why then do I have one kid who is so well behaved and one who is not?? They live in the same home environment

I don't know your kid but there has to be a reason he's acting that way. Punishing just makes you feel better but doesn't do anything for your kid except make him scared of being punished again.

amother

Watermelon

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:24 am

amother OP wrote:

Amen but I don't yell at anyone and I try to make everyone heard. I have a very deep connection with my kids BH

Y'know, on so many threads here, mothers claim to be fantastic parent and have a great relationship with their children.

It's just a claim though. I would love to hear your children's perspective. There are many on here and it is not pretty.

My parents would claim to be amazing too with a good relationship with me. They don't know the extent of my hurt though. To them, great conversation means criticism etc.

amother

Snow

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:24 am

OP that's great to hear!

Happens to be, we spent yt with a few different of my sibling families and the sister and BIL who punishes and yells at their kids the most have the most wild and disrespectful kids (they call their parents poppy face, throw toys at them...)

Idk if there's a correlation but it was interesting to see

amother

Slategray

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:25 am

amother OP wrote:

BH. It was so hard fee yuntif for me- my MIL keeps telling us we have bad parenting skills. Says my toddler is super spoiled. “Leave her with me for a week and you’ll see what happens”. (Never would dw). In my house you need to follow my rules etc etc.
Just an example- toddler was “hitting” more like playfully hitting their cleaning lady and cleaning lady’s granddaughter. MIl yelled at toddler. I of course tried to stop it. But later she said it’s a huge chilul Hashem etc (toddler was being playful). I said the more attention you give the more she’ll do it. Bh we don’t live close to them so once a year we need to deal.
Had you ever had to deal with these kinds of comments and what do you respond?

amother

Azalea

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:25 am

amother Kiwi wrote:

So why then do I have one kid who is so well behaved and one who is not?? They live in the same home environment

Of course different kids have different natures & may behave differently. Though school environment can effect children's behavior as well.
(Or depending on the home environment, kids may feel the need to be well behaved out of pressure & not wanting to trigger anything. While a sibling cannot handle the pressure of having to be well behaved, and just acts out.)

amother

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:26 am

amother Azalea wrote:

Of course and iyh Hashem will give me the koach to deal with it as it comes but one of my kids is a very anxious child and one is a very energetic child. They're both completely different personalities and bh both well behaved I believe because of gentle parenting