Going to family for a holiday meal

Aidelmom

Sun, Sep 28 2008, 1:03 pm

no I don't always bring something. I'm actually going away for two meals for rosh hashana and I"m not bringing anything. Succos I'm going away too but I'll probably help cook once I"m there.

sgr

Sun, Sep 28 2008, 1:05 pm

Yes I always try and help my mom with the cooking.When its a yom tov I try to bring her a gift as well.She works hard and has me with my husband and kids for the whole YT.It's omportant for her to feel appreciated.

yo'ma

Sun, Sep 28 2008, 1:28 pm

When I used to go to my parents, I would ask my mother if she wants me to make anything. If she said, yes, then I did. Sometimes she would just ask me to come and help or if I was very pregnant, she would just ask to keep her company. I do have single sisters at home, so the latter is usually not the case.
When I went to my sister, I usually didn't except 2 years r"h we were by her for the whole y"t because we were living by her for 2 weeks, so I helped her cook.

blueyes

Sun, Sep 28 2008, 1:34 pm

When I go to my mother I never cook for her. She says that the whole idea is that I should get a break Smile

. So I do just that! We are going both day meals on RH.

Mimisinger

Sun, Sep 28 2008, 1:34 pm

By me it's not expected but I think it's nice. We don't go to family for the chagim b/c we're bts, but the last time I saw my mom I send HER home with two apple cranberry kugels. That way, if I can't be there physically, I can be there at least in spirit, or at least dessert Smile

sky

Sun, Sep 28 2008, 1:41 pm

I never bring to my mother, she is super women, and I never really helped at home.
I try to bring mil because she always seems very busy (she's also superwomen, just busy with 1000 other stuff) and her children were expected to help when growing up

pinkbubbles

Sun, Sep 28 2008, 2:12 pm

I try to, like a wine I know they love or flowers, something like that. Depends on the person. Sometimes I'll bake a cake and make it pretty on a plate.

octopus

Sun, Sep 28 2008, 2:30 pm

If I go to my parents, I make a dessert, or buy something from "oh nuts." Or I bake challah.

If I'm really tired, I don't do anything. But I really, really ,try to bring something. Only because both my parents work really hard and I know they go out of their way if I come.

zufriedene

Sun, Sep 28 2008, 5:03 pm

AS a hostess to KEH 12 guests, we're just 3 at home, I wish some one would have offered to make a side dish or dessert.
the problem is when they walk in with this 500 grm container of something for 15 ppl. am I supposed to find out who doesnt like this particular dish so that the contents will suffice those interested??
But I would suggest all guests to be polite, help clear up, and take out the garbage.
I have one particular guest that always puts away the left overs, and I really appreciate the gesture.
dont tease the hostess, or her young ones, be mentchlich, and if your sleeping over, midnight should be the rule for lights out. your hostesss is entitled to quiet at the wee hours of the morning.
of course take out the soiled diapers if u come along with infants,
I feel these tips are as pleasant as receiving gifts when u arrive.

ss321

Sun, Sep 28 2008, 8:35 pm

to my MIL I always bring something, a food in a new pretty dish, a cake, etc. to my mother, usually not. sometimes im over there helping her cook and bake anyway, and other times shell ask me to make certain things - like a certain type of roast that just comes out better in our old gas oven than confection, but then id just bring it over in the pan, not as a "thank you so much for having us type of thing." I gueess to me my parents home still feels like my home and so to bring something over all officially like that would feel wierd. but OTOH, I do usually get my mom something for every yom tov (random stuff-once a cool headband she would wear, another x a bracelet, a honey dish last rosh hashana, whatever). but its not the same official "gift" or "platter" id give my MIL. same w/ grandparents. when we goto my grandparents I bring nothing. I think my grandmother would actually be INSULTED if I brought. but when we go to my husbands, I always bring something nice.

Rutabaga

Sun, Sep 28 2008, 9:17 pm

I always offer to make/bring something whether we go to my parents or in-laws. Sometimes my offer is accepted, sometimes not. Sometimes we just bring flowers. When we go for a regular Shabbos I don't always bring something, but I think helping out for y"t is appreciated. This year we're going to dh's parents for R"H and we're bringing a kugel and homemade kokush.

anuta

Mon, Sep 29 2008, 12:48 am

I always try to bring a gift to my parents. I don't go to them for YT (they are not religious), but in general.

They never come emptyhanded when they visit me. All in the same visit, they bring me gifts, things for my children, gifts of cash, and my father always brings his tools and fixes things around the house. Not small things either, but things that we would otherwise spent a lot of money on for a plumber or an electrician (he is very talented with all of it).
I could never repay all of that, and a small gift when I come visit is the least I can do. It is also all I can afford right now, but its a fact of a gift that matters, not the cost.

I was also brought up to never show up in somebody's house emptyhanded, and I try to apply it to my own parents as well.
Once we were in a terrible rush, driving there with kids, and I didn't have time to buy anything. But I went out to shop before Shabbat when there, and bought flowers for my mother and for my grandmother. Its never too late.