Please Help Me......On Being proud & happy to be frum

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AweSumThenSum

Sun, Feb 12 2006, 10:26 am

ATTENTION ORIGINAL POSTER - please pm me. I wanna talk to u.

amother

Sun, Feb 12 2006, 11:21 am

Quote:

Motek- I just wanted to say that you seem like a very special person and your answers are always amazing. I think imamother wouldn't be the same with out you.

I agree wholeheartedly. I always love to read your posts and answers. Yes

Awesomethensome, I'd love to accept the honour but how do I go about doing it anonymously?? Thanks so much.

AweSumThenSum

Sun, Feb 12 2006, 12:57 pm

I dont know how to do it anonymously, but if it helps in any way, let me assure u that I dont know anybody on these boards. I have no idea who any of u r, but if u want to, just go ahead and create a free email account and pm me using that account.

amother

Sun, Feb 12 2006, 6:35 pm

amother 1, I don't know if you are still reading these posts. I hope you don't mind me asking, but are you chassidish? I have no idea who you are, but I do know that it is common amongst men and women in the chassidish world to think this way. I don't know what it is, but maybe you should be more lenient in certain areas, still according to the torah, as you will nto resent the way you are living. The torah is beautiful, and it shouldn't be so painful to live it, besides how will you be able to bring up your children in a loving Jewish environment if you feel this way. I can't tell you what you should be more lenient on and I definately, don' think I am the one to say, but this really might help you with loving being frum.
Good luck, and I hope I don't get too many attacks on this post, but I honestly think it might be a good idea.

Motek

Thu, Feb 23 2006, 4:07 pm

amother wrote:

Quote:

Motek- I just wanted to say that you seem like a very special person and your answers are always amazing. I think Imamother wouldn't be the same with out you.

I agree wholeheartedly. I always love to read your posts and answers. Yes

thank you

here's an article for you (it's long and better to print it out than read it on the screen):

http://chabadonline.com/script.....=2794

amother

Fri, Feb 24 2006, 12:54 am

Quote:

but I do know that it is common amongst men and women in the chassidish world to think this way

It's nice of you to try helping amother but I don't think a statement like this one will.
No it is not common.
Are you chassidish and thinking this way?
I am chassidish and happy and proud.
What does chassidish mean nowadays exactly??
I wear my beautiful sheitel, nice clothing, makeup, I look just as good as anybody else (shiksas lol) or better (yiddishe chein lol).
Maybe not as s-xy but that's good as I wouldn't want to look like that and I'm not allowed to anyway (except for my husband of course).
I try to be a good Jew and don't regard myself as better than thou. Aren't we all trying to be good jews?
I don't see a difference nowadays so much between Chassidish, Litvish, Orthodox etc. Except for men's levush. And the idea that each one has a rebbe who they follow.
Amother, I think it lies more within your thoughts. Because you can call yourself Modern Orthodox too, considering some of the posters here who call themselves modern orthodox but do basically the same as me and I consider myself ultra orthodox.
You seem to have a happy marriage and that's an important factor which will bring you much happiness bez''h.[/quote]

happymom

Thu, Mar 02 2006, 8:50 pm

Quote:

I am not Lubavitch but at a certain point wished to be since the tznius standards are not so restricted.

The Rebbe was the one who changed tznius in America! ask your grandmother. people didnt even know the halachos about covering knees then and if they did people still didnt keep to them... the Rebbe was VERY strict aboput tznius. Just like u cant judge a book by its cover, and u cant judge the Torah according to the jews (unfortunately) Same applies to Lubav... Just because certain people arent so tznius doesnt mean that thats accepted in Lubavitch!

There are two chapters in tanya that discuss belief in hashem at length. IT explains very well what u should do when u have doubts in yiddishkeit and why u have them! Im sure anyone would find it extremely helpful and would make anyones emunah stronger. ITs volume one chapters 29 and 30 . for those of u who wont have a chance to learn it u can pm me and I can give u some examples the Alter Rebbe brings to help you with your Lack of Emunah.

ny_ima

Sun, Mar 05 2006, 1:10 am

this is exactly what happens when we are raised "me tur nisht" (it's forbidden) focussing on what's not allowed instead of rejoicing in the beauty of the mitzvos-torah-Hashem...

it's like instead of telling a kid NO NO NO, redirect him/her to something she MAY do...

when go up to shamayim after 120 they won't ask you if you wore seams or shtriemel or bent down or bent up.... the reason we are born litvish/chasidish/etc is for different tikunim we are here for. (and if a girl marries to different group, she must follow her husband cuz finished that tikun (eg. eating gebrokst...)

changing your dress code won't guarantee you happiness. it's like some ppl are sure that getting married will make them happy. having money, or having a baby will make them happy.... may Hashem give you true happiness from within, then you won't need anything, not even new clothing or a clean-shaven guy... embarrassed

meanwhile, give it up to Hashem who put you where you are, don't you trust HE knows what he's doing and does the best for you and REALLY knows what's best for you? so YOU do for Hashem, Thank him for giving you a great mind(deep thinker) a gorgeous husband (hiding beneath a beard) and everything else...

ChaviD

Mon, Mar 06 2006, 9:29 am

origional amother...you can pm me.

amother

Sun, Mar 12 2006, 2:23 am

Quote:

OK, original amother here, Now I feel really guilty. Because It is not true that such thoughts is common between Chassidish people. I feel terribly guilty that this is the impression I gave since most of the people I surround myself with like my friends, aquaintences, neighbors etc. are very happy and proud of their yiddishkeit.
My family is made up of many different Chassidus, and all of them are wonderful and happy people and so too are my yeshivish, litvish family members. I consider myself Chassidish, meaning my husband has his rebbe, and Chassidish levush. But they are a very small chassidus and don't really have basic distinctions or rules. So I don't really belong to a known chassidus like Bobov, Satmar or Lubavitch but yes I am Chassidish but please please please don't get the impression that this is a common thing in Chassidish people because it is absolutely the opposite and I am so envious in a positive way of all of the people I know that are so happy with their lives they are leading. Hope to be there soon bezras hashem.

Mommy912

Sun, Mar 12 2006, 7:55 am

amother wrote:

most of the people I surround myself with like my friends, aquaintences, neighbors etc. are very happy and proud of their yiddishkeit.

I just wanted to add that you can never tell who is really happy. It is more than likely that you are not alone in your situation - and other people that are unhappy probably think that they are alone and look at YOU as happy. We can never tell someones real state of mind until they tell us.

amother

Sun, Mar 12 2006, 3:17 pm

Quote:

but I do know that it is common amongst men and women in the chassidish world to think this way.

Who told you that?? Sorry but that statement is not very nice and false too.

Quote:

...........I just wanted to add that you can never tell who is really happy. It is more than likely that you are not alone in your situation - and other people that are unhappy probably think that they are alone and look at YOU as happy. We can never tell someones real state of mind until they tell us.

So true, so although we hope everyone is happy, we never know who is and who isn't wether they show it or not and wether they be#1long to MO, Chassidish, Litvish, Yeshivish, and Reform, Conservative etc.

Amother #1 just let me tell you that I'm Chassidish and very happy with my lifestyle. If you'd like to pm me please respond to my post.

English

Sun, Mar 12 2006, 3:46 pm

totally agree with person above! being litvish, ashkenazi, and teaching in a v wealthy albeit not yet frum school, I see that these ppl have everything in the world..... except happiness!!!
they go on every holiday u can imagine, have the latest cars, gadgets jewellery etc, yet they have no direction in their lives, and therefore they dont have that happiness, that we as frum ppl have! their faces dont have that glow about them that you so often see in the religous circles, especially the chassidish one...

sheshycoco

Tue, Mar 14 2006, 9:25 pm

Don't worry amother, I am sure the other amother was just speaking of a couple stories she heard. Noone go attacking her, it seams like she was just trying to help, not criticise any sect. We all have to learn to be more dom lekaf zechus arround here.

roza

Tue, Jun 13 2006, 12:33 am

I just came across a similar "what-am-I-missing/what-if" dilemma post on www.beyondbt.com and found some inspiring responses to the post, so I thought it will provide more insight to the current thread and give chizuk to some FFBs who are dealing with similar questions on their level.

So here is the link:
What Am I Missing?
By Chaya
http://www.beyondbt.com/?p=368

JRKmommy

Thu, Jun 15 2006, 10:50 am

Perhaps doing the following may help:

1. Really study any areas that you are struggling with. Learn the sources, learn the different interpretations, learn what's halacha and what's chumra, learn the story behind different observances. You may find it easier to commit to someone in your head and heart if you've internalized the reasons, rather than simply followed what you have always been taught to do. As well, even if you do change some of the things you do, you can keep your commitment to halacha - there is a difference, for example, between halacha and simple style preferences.

2. I've been going in the opposite direction to you - my level is more "traditional"/modern Orthodox. However, we go to a Chabad shul and I send my kids to Chabad nursery schools because there is a certain spirit and energy which I didn't find as much elsewhere. [I can't talk about other Chassidic groups, because I don't know as much about them.] The real stress of ahavas Yisroel. The tireless energy to do more mitzvot. The very strong sense of purpose to our lives, and to the world.

I always struggle a bit when I get too focused on the rules alone. Learning just the rules is like studying the plans for a building. The basic instructions are there, but it's dry and doesn't really convey the full beauty and splendor that you can appreciate when you see the completed building. I found that it was the "completed building" that would motivate me.

There was times, growing up, where I would get the message that the rules were a drag, and the picture of the "completed building" wouldn't come across at all. For example, one Rosh Hashana, the shul hired an extra rabbi to handle the overflow crowd. He coped with the length of the service by showing that he could speed through it, and peppered comments like "we're almost done" throughout. To me, it was a turn-off. Yes, some people wonder how much longer to lunch - but we've made the effort to be there. How about trying to make the prayers meaningful enough that people feel it's worthwhile and focus on the prayers instead of lunch? Part of the problem with focusing on "easier" is that the "easiest" option is doing nothing. I prefer to learn and experience the larger spiritual picture, and then see how it becomes more natural for the nashama to express itself through the mitzvot.

3. Perhaps it would also be worthwhile to speak to a variety of Jews from different backgrounds. Observe them, speak to them, learn about them and what makes them tick. We, as a people, are so much more varied and complex than a few labels. Even if the Orthodox world, there is such variety. My dh's Sephardic family was very different than mine, for example. I know Orthdox Jews who do the most amazing things while staying true to halacha. Explore.

Motek

Thu, Jun 15 2006, 10:54 am

yet another thoughtful, well-written, intelligent post from JRKmommy Thumbs Up

JRKmommy

Thu, Jun 15 2006, 12:17 pm

Wow, thanks!

amother

Mon, Sep 04 2006, 4:22 pm

Whatever happened to the original amother....are you still here?

Motek

Tue, Sep 05 2006, 11:15 am

You could have asked that with your screen name ...

Anyway, I was thinking of this thread because I wanted to post this article:

http://www.chabad.org/magazine.....09855

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