How many beds and layout for man and wife guest

LeahW

Sat, Nov 01 2008, 1:40 pm

When you have a couple over for Shabbos, do you give them a room with 2 beds even if you know they aren't frum and wouldn't care if she is in nidda (if you have a room with one queen size bed). And if you have a room with two beds, do you push them together or leave them apart? If it's a good friend would you ask her what she prefers?

shalhevet

Sat, Nov 01 2008, 1:43 pm

I don't have the room, but if I did, I would always give two separate beds to a married couple, whether frum or not (and that's been my experience as a guest in frum homes). Anything else seems weird to me. Once the door is closed they can do what they want.

And no, I wouldn't ask a close friend either. Some things are not for discussion even with friends.

shabbatiscoming

Sat, Nov 01 2008, 1:54 pm

we l out bed and when we have a couple I always open the bed so that they are near eachother but with enough room inbetween to get to the second one and let them do what they want.

as shalhevet said, when the door is closed, they can do whatever they want.

justmom

Sat, Nov 01 2008, 2:05 pm

We had the weirdest experience recently where we were guests in a very MO community-- and given one fold out couch-- luckily it wasn't a problem for us-- but when I mentioned it to a woman I met there who was also a guest in the neighborhood she pointed to her DH and said guess who had to sleep on the floor last night-- they were also given one bed!! Now I grew up in a MO community and asked my parents who said they had only had that problem once when they went to completely secular cousins -- anyone else ever had this? I really wanted to tell the hosts of the affair so they would know for next time, but felt it would just aggravate them

Zus

Sat, Nov 01 2008, 2:27 pm

If I had the room, I would put 2 beds but put them together. I think that if you put them apart, some guests would feel shy about putting them together if they'd want to sleep that way, they would most likely have less trouble putting the beds apart if they have to. This way you make sure that they're comfortable in every situation.

Mrs.K

Sat, Nov 01 2008, 2:28 pm

Aside from the fact that it's just more comfortable to the guest, I would never do something for a guest that I don't do for myself, even if to them it doesn't matter. To take it to the extreme, I wouldn't offer my guest something that I don't consider kosher just because it doesn't matter to them. I would give the couple a room with 2 beds, and if they choose to sleep in one, that is their business not mine. It is only my job to set things up in a way that the option is there, since that is what I myself believe in. I would never judge someone for not keeping the things I do. But again, as a host, it is my job to conduct my house in the way I see fit, and if my guests choose to not take advantage of that, it is between them and themselves.

Furthermore, many times you don't know what people keep and what they don't, especially when it is something that is, for the most part, not openly discussed. Why set someone up for an uncomfortable situation?

amother

Sat, Nov 01 2008, 2:29 pm

We once had newlyweds over who weren't very frum (like the guy told DH that they were intimate before marriage), so I gave them the room with a full-size bed. Now I think that was the wrong thing to do, but at the time I didn't want to seem too frummy imposing 2 beds on them.

shalhevet

Sat, Nov 01 2008, 2:32 pm

Actually if you think someone doesn't keep TH it is even more of a problem to give them one bed, because you are certainly being machshil them because she is certainly nidda.

malki22

Sat, Nov 01 2008, 4:58 pm

My relatives who are completly not frum, told my mother that she loves coming to us becuase she gets such a good night sleep without someone next to here. (in the same bed)

drumjj

Sat, Nov 01 2008, 6:01 pm

ive slept in a bunk bed lots of times. that is all my inlaws have when we stay there. I would give two beds but together and that way they can seperate them at their own convenience. I have been to ppl who I know very well who ask if we need one or two beds and I dont mind that question. although we never have married couples stay unless its my parents bc we dont have the room so if my parents come we give them our room and they do what they want with it.

mummiedearest

Sat, Nov 01 2008, 7:53 pm

we have two beds in our guest room in an "L" configuration because that's how they fit. the couple can squish into one twin bed if they really want. we don't have anyone over for more than one night, so they'll survive.

luckyme

Sat, Nov 01 2008, 8:17 pm

I always give 2 beds. In my guest rooms, I have 1 full bed & 1 twin on wheels. I put them close together, but not touching, and set a small round table to the side of one bed. That way they can easily push the beds together, or separate them more and put the table in between.
I've never put guests in one (except for kids), but I am curious as to why a bunk bed is a problem...

Falafel

Sat, Nov 01 2008, 8:25 pm

I don't have any room for a couple to stay, but if I did I would only put two beds the room for them, they can decide what to do.

A bunk bed is a huge problem because a couple that is not permissible to each other is not allowed to sit on one bench where they would feel the others' weight. It's hard to imagine that one wouldn't feel their husband going up the steps of the bunk bed or rolling over, etc.
When a woman is laying in bed, her husband cannot touch the covers that are touching her.
I was taught my by kallah teacher that a bunk bed is a no-no..

My husband is telling me now that I should tell you to call your rov to ask because none of us on here are allowed to pasken, but this is what I learned from my kallah teacher, so I'm not paskening, just giving over the info I was taught! Smile

luckyme

Sat, Nov 01 2008, 8:29 pm

Don't worry...If it ever somes up I'll ask! Its been ages since I've slept in a bunk bed and I guess I never thought about feeling the other person moving around...interesting...

RachelEve14

Sun, Nov 02 2008, 1:30 am

We only have a pull out sofa now, so I leave the sofa folded up (but you can sleep on it as is) and put out a matress. When my mom comes I pull the sofa out because she's more comfortable, and when both my parents come I think I would pull out the sofa also. Thanks for bringing it up though b/c I guess I should ask a shilo. In our last house we had 2 beds, but it broke and we got this one free so I didn't think too much of it. (we rarely have overnight guests and usualy if we do it's just BIL or another single person)