What's the Key to Happiness?

Motek

Tue, Jan 10 2006, 9:40 am

Quote:

Ronnie Janoff-Bulman, PhD, a psychologist at the University of Massachusetts, conducted a study comparing the well-being of lottery winners versus people who had become suddenly paralyzed. Following the initial euphoria of their newfound wealth, the lottery winners were no happier than the accident victims. The paralyzed individuals had to adjust to the shock of their new physical limitations, but after this early distress had eased, they were much better able to appreciate the small pleasures and victories of life than those who were overnight millionaires, and they felt more optimistic about the future.

so what do you think is the key to happiness?

Mandy

Tue, Jan 10 2006, 10:08 am

That study has been replicated in many forms. Each person has their own level of happiness/misery and life altering events ( death, marriage, lottery, accident) only change that level for about six months. Then everything goes back to the previous level. So it really depends on your own personal happiness level which probably depends on your ability to sell yourself positive thoughts and the patterns that you stick to.

Motek

Tue, Jan 10 2006, 10:23 am

red sea wrote:

There is no key to happiness, it is not something that can be acquired. It is not magic, anyone can be happy. It is a choice.

sounds like you're saying that the key to happiness is choosing to be happy! Smile

Yael

Tue, Jan 10 2006, 11:41 am

the readers digest had an article about happiness.
they mentioned 10 factors that go along with happier people.
they made sure to mention that its impossible to know which came first: did the factor made a person happy? or b/c the person is happy he has that factor.
some factors were:
beauty- attractive people are happier. either b/c they are pretty or b/c beauty is symbolic of good genetics, which genetically makes you predisposed to be happier.
friends- happy people have lots of friends. again we dont know which came first.
religion
money
marraige
genetics

I dont remember any more:
did anyone else read that article?

Motek

Tue, Jan 10 2006, 2:36 pm

appreciation or gratitude - yes, a grateful person is a happy person so the more grateful we are, the happier we are Smile

Quote:

they mentioned 10 factors that go along with happier people.

something doesn't sound right about the article, it doesn't fit with the study I posted in the first post

there are beautiful people who are miserable
there are wealthy people who are miserable

religion is another story - I think that yes, a key to happiness is belief in a Good G-d and trusting in Him

marriage - studies show that marriage is healthier for you (than being single), especially for men, but many married people are miserable

genetics - meaning a happy disposition? yes, some people are born content, positive, easy-going

Tefila

Tue, Jan 10 2006, 5:34 pm

Is to believe you are a Tzelem elokim and you can change the world or atleast try. To know you have self worth even if it's only Hashem who knows that.

To be able to make others smile and laugh, to be able to make someone more comfortable, the old, sickly, the poor. To bring a smile to someones face.
That makes someone the happiest person alive the fact that they were the one chosen by Hashem to give and not c"v recieve imo Wink

Crayon210

Tue, Jan 10 2006, 8:03 pm

When I was in high school, I read the first article in the English translation of Rav Eliyahu Dessler's book, Michtav Mei'Eliyahu (called Strive for Truth! in English). The article discusses how one finds happiness, and it was quite a moving piece. I don't want to butcher it here by telling it over in my own words, but one important part of the article was that happiness is a choice-a conscious choice.

After reading it, I spent a period of a few months being consciously happy all the time and it was an amazing thing for someone who had a lot of ups and downs in high school...the guidance counselor thought I was crazy, but that's high school guidance counselors for you (no offense to any high school guidance counselors here!)

Motek

Thu, Jan 12 2006, 11:50 am

I'm enjoying your answers everyone Smile

Re Michtav M'Eliyahu - I looked it up since I learned it so long ago and after establishing that more and more possessions do not make people happy, as it says in the mishna, "Jealousy, lusts, and honor remove a person from this world," he says that if you run far away from jealousy, lusts, and honor you will be happy, "Who is wealthy? he who is happy with his lot" and without that, there is neither wealth nor happiness.

so his conclusion is: There is no material happiness, only spiritual happiness.

but there are other answers, let's hear from you!

happymom

Sun, Jan 15 2006, 6:41 am

Quote:

happy people have lots of friends. again we dont know which came first.
religion

Happy people attract friends. Everyone wants to be around HAPPY people. So IT def comes first. About money and marriage, They have it SO wrong!

ITs definitely a choice one can make no matter what their situation!!!!

lucky

Sun, Jan 15 2006, 11:48 am

The key to happiness is wanting to be happy. It is a choice you make. If money or friends or health would be the answer, Many more people would be happy.
Think about a happy person you know. Is he/she living a dream life with health and wealth? You definetly can think of quite a few who have a harder life than you do, and yet are happy.

lucky

Sun, Jan 15 2006, 11:48 am

LubavitchLeah

Sun, Jan 15 2006, 12:26 pm

I dont want to harp on too much about the "secular psychological theories" because Torah is the only Emes however there is a grain in of truth in everything so here goes. According to Victor Frankl, a yiddishe boy:) A psychiatrist , an Existentialist, a survivor of the holocaust, lost family, very sad. He writes all about "mans search for meaning" (infact that is a name of one of his books. He discusses "why we want to live? what gives us reasons to live?" His theories are MEANING related, meaning comes in many forms, love, a great works, etc. Freud is all about pleasure, thus "pleasure principle" Adler is all about POWER yet Frankl is MEANING. As yidden our meaning is TORAH, connecting to our essence, which emanates and spreads light unto the world. However as an observant Yiddishe woman I dont tend to give too much gravity to secular theories even if they make sense, whats the point, the answers are all in our Torah.

Motek

Sun, Jan 15 2006, 1:51 pm

I agree with those who say that happiness is a choice and it doesn't depend on anything but your decision to be happy.

At the same time, I think there are things that although not The Key to Happiness, are important factors in the lives of many happy people, like having close friends and joy/nachas from family.

I think it's unlikely that a person without meaning (Frankl) in their lives, without giving to others, or a loving G-d in their lives, will choose to be happy.

In the 1980's, two Harvard psychologists made a study to see what happy people have in common. First they had to find happy people. Then they looked for elements that they had in common. There were only two things that they found that all happy people, of all backgrounds and all stages of life and all parts of the world, have in common.

The two things in common were:

1) they knew exactly what they wanted (I.e. their lives had meaning)

2) they felt they were on the way to getting it - that the way they lived their lives was getting them closer to their goal

imale

Mon, Jan 16 2006, 1:35 am

Just look around and see what's going on all over the world, then look into your pesonal life and trust me you'll be happy. Anyone who has self esteem and a family he/she loves has all the reasons in the world to feel happy. Feeling accomplished is feeling happy.

ezmush

Mon, Jan 16 2006, 2:24 am

If you have'nt heard of D"r Rachamim Melamed, he is an extreme example of happiness in an almost impossible state. He is terminally ill, paralysed completely except his eyes, and lives an amazingly full and happy life.
http://torah.org/features/firs......html
This is a link to an article about him (I hope you are allowed to put links in this forum). The article is from four years ago, and he is still alive and working - outliving the life expectancy doctors gave him by seven years. Talk of re-defining happiness...