"Kinks" in the system...

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creativemommyto3

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 7:29 am

If someone has questions on the kinks in certain things that some ppl do how should it be asked? where should it be asked? is it wrong to ask it? is it lack of ahavas yisrael to ask it if done in a kavodick way?

BeershevaBubby

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 8:09 am

MAybe it's me, but I think you need to be a tad more specific about what you're talking aobut here.

creativemommyto3

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 8:24 am

meaning questions on nuances,practices and actions in the different sects.

poemmom

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 8:46 am

I can't figure out the question -- maybe its my lack of sleep-- but it cracks me up that this post brings up an ad to download The Kinks ringtones! Music

ChossidMom

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 8:49 am

I'm not clear on the question either. Do you mean that you want to ask someone on the board about a practice? You can ask ME anything. Others - well, different story. Many people here get very offended by even a mere question. So, tread verrrrrry lightly.

BeershevaBubby

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 8:50 am

Look, if you have a question about a Satmar practice, ask someone who is Satmar. Lather rinse repeat as needed with whatever 'flavor' of Judaism you're curious about...

Whenever someone asks me 'why do I"... with regards to my religious practed, my first thought is what is motivating them to ask me this... is it so they can have an informed opinion, is it so they can then ridicule me?

ChossidMom

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 8:52 am

YESHASettler wrote:

Whenever someone asks me 'why do I"... with regards to my religious practed, my first thought is what is motivating them to ask me this... is it so they can have an informed opinion, is it so they can then ridicule me?

I rest my case. LOL

creativemommyto3

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 8:55 am

I am trying to be diplomatic.. not doing very well am I?

like, Why is it that some working ppl do A, some lubavitch ppl do B, some chassidim do C, some MO do D and dare I say kollel do D?

BeershevaBubby

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 8:57 am

creativemommyto3 wrote:

I am trying to be diplomatic.. not doing very well am I?

like, Why is it that some working ppl do A, some lubavitch ppl do B, some chassidim do C, some MO do D and dare I say kollel do D?

Because it's Chumra or Minhag and not Halacha they're following (or not).

Last edited by BeershevaBubby on Thu, Dec 04 2008, 9:01 am; edited 1 time in total

greenfire

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 8:59 am

are they "kinks" or questions - there are many different minhagim is all ...

Atali

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 10:03 am

I think she is referring to the recently deleted kollel thread.

I personally thought that Chavamom's question was perfectly legitimate and worthy of discussion (and I actually started a parallel thread in the kollel section). I knew that she had no intention to bash Kollel, because she used to be a kollel wife herself.

However, I also know the nature of the board so the second the thread was opened I knew that it would turn into a kollel-bashing session, as it did. So unfortunately do to the immaturity of some posters this perfectly legitimate question cannot be discussed on the main forum.

The same goes for many other issues.

ChossidMom

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 10:07 am

So what's the answer, Ladies? Are certain topics just taboo? Is it not possible to discuss things in a non judgemental way without people getting nasty? Is there any hope for this forum? Or do we only know how to kid around respectfully?

creativemommyto3

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 10:12 am

Atali wrote:

Yes it did. but I want to know if some ppl even us non kollel ppl can actually ask the questions and not be considered bashing? Let's say I honestly want to know x,y and z and need it cleared up as to what the proper way of thinking about it is. That is what I am getting at.

I hope that I didn't join into the bashing yesterday b/c that wasn't my intention.

Atali

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 10:22 am

creativemommyto3 wrote:

Atali wrote:

Don't worry, your posts were fine Smile

Questions are fine and Chavamom asked a totally legitimate question. The issue is that unfortunately not everyone on the forum is as open minded and accepting as you are and certain topics always lead to bashing.

Atali

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 10:25 am

ChossidMom wrote:

Good question.

creativemommyto3

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 10:26 am

Atali wrote:

ChossidMom wrote:

Good question.

Ditto.

BeershevaBubby

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 10:32 am

I'm sorry, maybe I didn't read that thread carefully enough but I didn't really see any bashing going on... differences of opinions were expressed, but bashing? I honestly didn't see it.

mummiedearest

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 10:41 am

I agree with yesha. I didn't see the bashing. I saw legitimate concerns about certain practices done by certain people within a group. no one there said kollel should not exist or that it's just wrong. and that's because no one here believes that. what people believe is that we as parents are contributing to a downward spiral that may cause the kollel system as we know it to collapse. I think it's a legitimate concern. we need to wake up and smell the coffee. and we need to stop being defensive in order to fix the problem.

I would like to remind everyone here that we are not conversing, we are reading thoughts of other people. we sometimes need to read things out loud and in different tones of voice in order to realize that some things are not meant in a disrespectful manner. I hope I did not offend anyone by my posts on that thread.

gonewiththewind

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 10:49 am

THis is not a difficult question. If there is a modicum of decency it generally is fine. However, the thread being referred to contained these exact quotes:

-I am just so frustrated with the whole thing! if you chose a kollel lifestyle, then live it! dont try to schnorr off everyone else!

-What about all the kollel families who "NEED" a $300+ designer stroller? It drives me crazy when we go to shul and you could pick out the kollel strollers from the lineup, and not because they are the cheap, used ones.
-many kollel wives today no [sic] little about sacrifice

And many others including phrases such as "make me ill" "just so disgusting" "I should give MY MONEY to people who sit around and say they ARE HOLIER tham me" (the last one is not exact but close)

It was not even close to being "just want to ask a question". Besides for the fact there was plain old a lot of misinformation.

ANd I love everyone's "concern." No one else probably is now in the position of marrying off a child while her husband is learning, as well as having had a father who was in kollel most of her years at home, which was an issue when she needed to get married. But all of you are more concerned than me.

creativemommyto3

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 11:00 am

miriamf wrote:

ok, those phrases weren't too nice, but then they should be REPORTED and not answered. try to ignore. but some ppl have legitimate questions and want them answered. The truth is that there is nothing productive about answering such posts ...

chavamom was a kollel wife herself and she had a legitimate question. asking questions does not mean that you have doubts about the whole pictures, but an aspect or two that doesn't sit well and needs clarification.

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