Shabbos Guest Issue- what would you do?

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Forum -> Relationships -> Guests

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MMEC123

Thu, Feb 09 2006, 11:31 am

Before anyone jumps on me and says "ask a rav"- I know that's how I get the real answer, I just want to know how you would act in such a situation. DH and I went away for Shabbos to relatives who are known in the family to be Shomer shabbos, kashrus, etc. We double checked before we agreed to go. So we went and no more than a half hour into Shabbos, I saw the wife being mechallel shabbos (I.e. someone left a light on and she said "oh, no someone left this on. well it was a mistake and it wasn't me" and then she proceeded to turn the light off) right in front of me. So I know there are issues with trusting the kashrus of someone who is mechallel shabbos, but I had no idea what to do. Shabbos had just started, we were stuck there (we didn't know anyone else in the neighborhood, etc.)! Even worse- they had a bunch of frum (shomer shabbos, shomer kashrus, etc.) guests over besides us, who obviously trust their hosts' level of observance. So, I'm sure I probably did the wrong thing by staying put but I had no other choice. What would you have done?

queen

Thu, Feb 09 2006, 11:39 am

great question...... after speaking to a rov let us all know!

cindy324

Thu, Feb 09 2006, 12:52 pm

Maybe she thought she was still within the 18 minutes... What

goldrose

Thu, Feb 09 2006, 1:21 pm

Quote:

What would you have done?

maybe eaten only fruits and veggies?? who knows....

DefyGravity

Thu, Feb 09 2006, 1:54 pm

There are couples where one spouse is more religious than the other. Maybe the husband is 100% shomer shabbos, but the wife isn't.

Crayon210

Thu, Feb 09 2006, 2:07 pm

But the wife was probably at least somewhat involved in Shabbos preparations, if not totally...

queen

Thu, Feb 09 2006, 2:31 pm

DefyGravity wrote:

There are couples where one spouse is more religious than the other. Maybe the husband is 100% shomer shabbos, but the wife isn't.

kashrus in the house is pretty much based on the woman.... unless of course the husband is the cook Exclamation

DefyGravity

Thu, Feb 09 2006, 2:32 pm

If you go to a restaurant, chances are the food was prepared by a non-Jew or someone that's not observant, but you still would eat at that restaurant because there's a mashgiach on site. How is this any different?

red sea

Thu, Feb 09 2006, 2:33 pm

Feign stomach troubles

queen

Thu, Feb 09 2006, 2:35 pm

DefyGravity wrote:

How is this any different?

there's no mashgiach in that persons home.....!
(I doubt husband stands around watching as wife cooks)

Crayon210

Thu, Feb 09 2006, 2:45 pm

LOL redsea!

DefyGravity

Thu, Feb 09 2006, 2:54 pm

queen wrote:

DefyGravity wrote:

How is this any different?

there's no mashgiach in that persons home.....!
(I doubt husband stands around watching as wife cooks)

Maybe he doesn't have to.

I have a parent that's not religious and nobody stands over him/her while he/she cooks and people trust that the food is fine.

hisorerus

Thu, Feb 09 2006, 2:56 pm

I think we're talking about a Yotzei V'nichnas.

Someone who may not have enough Yiras Shomayim yet to be careful on their own will be careful in case someone comes in. So the husband's possible presence might help.

Personally, I probably would not eat, although my husband probably would.

Crayon210

Thu, Feb 09 2006, 2:58 pm

But if the husband doesn't know that this is a problem...?

shalhevet

Thu, Feb 09 2006, 3:07 pm

deleted

Last edited by shalhevet on Mon, Feb 20 2017, 6:14 am; edited 1 time in total

ektsm

Thu, Feb 09 2006, 11:51 pm

I don't knwo what I would do. I would have just made the best of the shabbos and tried to be extra careful when eating any food that might have been warmed improperly. I once had the same problem. I just made sure to not go back to the peoples hosue ever again.

LubavitchLeah

Fri, Feb 10 2006, 2:04 am

I cannot even believe someone would do that so brazenly, yes sadly enough privately, maybe, at a push I can imagine someone with a big problem going on obviously in their internal kesher, connection....thinking noone can see, (even then this is very strange and obviously it highlights major issues) ill just turn it on, Like Hashem doesn't know, lol.
But infront of Shabbos guests, breaking Shabbos, C/V-what is that all about? I am totaly at a loss, all I can imagine is she honestly thought maybe it was still not Shabbos, maybe her intention for some wierd reason we dont know was Not to bring it in when she bentch licht, and maybe she lit early, before the cut off time, maybe her hand slipped and switched it off?

sarahd

Fri, Feb 10 2006, 2:19 am

MMEC actually had two problems: one, what should she do for herself as far as eating there and two, what about the other guests that were assuming this woman was a shomeres Shabbos.

One question: could it be that your hostess is an am haaretz and thought it was permissible to shut the light since "it was a mistake and it wasn't me"?

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