Are you punctual? | Imamother

Mommy F.

Sun, Jul 26 2009, 7:42 am

Is it a frum thing to not be punctual? I am very punctual and I find it frustrating when events don't start on time.

When a shiur starts at 7:00 p.m I am actually there at 7:00 p.m, but I am the only one there!
If I make a party for noon I expect people to come around noon or 12:15, but when everyone is showing up at 12:30/12:45 I find it rude.

Maybe it's because frum people have a lot of kids so it's hard for them to come on time? Or does everyone just come late because they know that nothing ever starts on time! Is it wrong for me to get frustrated? When I write down on an invitation that the party ends at 10:00 p.m isn't it not fair for people to leave at 10:30 p.m?

I am curious to see what other mothers feel about this topic.

Marion

Sun, Jul 26 2009, 7:45 am

They come late because they know it will start late. It's rude. If just once something would start on time then they'd think again before making that assumption, but no one wants to start when they know people are missing. It's highly irritating.

Mrs.K

Sun, Jul 26 2009, 7:49 am

I don't come on time to anything, I come EARLY to everything.
OP, you can't change everyone else, just be happy that you get the best seat at the shiur, the best place on line, and beat the rush at any event. I love that I always have first pick on seats and parent-teachers nights are a breeze when I'm the first one on line!

drumjj

Sun, Jul 26 2009, 7:50 am

I think its a vicious cycle of ppl thinking everyone is going to be late so why should I and therefore they go late and it doesnt help the situation. im a very on time person and it drives me mad when ppl are late I think its very irresponsible and rude.

cookielady

Sun, Jul 26 2009, 8:41 am

Arriving late gives the attitude that you don't respect others. They can sit and wait for you and you get there when you feel like it.

Of course there can be valid reasons for being late.

There is nothing I hate more than arriving on time to something and then waiting an hour for people to come.

I say start on time, even if only a few people are there. Show respect to those that do come on time. People will get the message that the time posted is the starting time.

gryp

Sun, Jul 26 2009, 8:48 am

I also think it's really rude. I run on a tight schedule and I need people to be there at the time they say they will.
Last week I took my 2 yr old to a new doctor and was there at 2:20 for the 2:30 appt. The doctor only walked in at 2:50. That's an extra 20 minutes keeping a toddler occupied in a doctor's office where there is nothing for him to do. I didn't appreciate that he made my job harder.
This is also the reason I can never go to night shiurim or events here. I don't have endless empty night hours, and while I can go if it's called for 8:30, it never works out like that because they don't actually start till much later.
I really think it's a disrespect for other people's time. You know, doctors and speakers are not the only ones whose time is precious and worth paying for.
I really respect people who tell me in advance, I may be a few minutes late, or give me an extra five minutes to be there. It may seem like a small thing but it makes a big difference to me.
I'm not saying I've never been late, but if I am, it's less than 10 minutes, and it's because of some unforeseen circumstance, and the truth is I've been working my head off almost all day to get there on time. Sometimes something happens last minute that you have no control over, and you just have to do the best you can to get there as fast as possible. But I would never make an appt with someone at a time that's not good for me to get there when I say I'll be there.

cookielady

Sun, Jul 26 2009, 9:00 am

YALT wrote:

Can you add another option - used to be?
I used to be very punctual. But when you live long enough with ssomeone who isn't, you learn to be late.

Good point. I used to be much more punctual. (actually always getting places early, with family and a dh who has a different definition of on time, it does affect things.)

We will sometimes go in separate cars when I really want to be on time and dh is not available to go yet.(but usually I would rather go with him)

octopus

Sun, Jul 26 2009, 10:37 am

I try to be punctual to app'ts, but to simchas, yes, I am late. I have to wait for the babysitter, somehow while the kids are up (before babysitter comes) I have to get dressed and all ready. Which doesn't usually happen. If it means I'm an hour late, so be it. For once, I want to look like a decent human being just like everyone else. Also, if the simcha is midweek- you better believe ppl are coming late. No one is leaving work early unless it is a sibling's simcha or their child's simcha. bad economic times. I find weekend affairs much easier to attend on time. But not everyone can make on the weekend- which is perfectly understandable. but I think ppl know that if something is mid-week, many ppl are showing up late....

as for shiurim, well...that one never happens..so I can't give my opinion on that one. Thank goodness for the internet where I can listen on my own schedule...

acccdac

Sun, Jul 26 2009, 10:49 am

I'm pretty punctual.

kind of like octupus said, I'm not needed at banquets or weddings, so unless I'll be bothered by missing out on the shmorg, I show up at the time that works for me.

choclate moose, I only disagree with you because of my mother. She was ALWAYS late, and she was late because she tried doing 3 errands in the time it took to do 1. So it inevitably made her late. Busy does not mean organized (although my mother was organized, just tried doing too much at once, maybe deep down she always knew she wouldnt have enough living time to do everything - she died young)

I know someone else in my family who is always late and it bothers me. my husband asked me why its okay for my mother to have been late and not this person, and I realized that there was no good reason for this other person to be late. They are the type who decides to go out to the local mall an hour before an event is suppose to start, not because clothes are needed but just cause. The whole trip takes an hour, then they come home and only at the time the event is called for do they start getting ready. To me that is just plain rude

Raisin

Tue, Jul 28 2009, 5:25 pm

[quote="octopus"]I try to be punctual to app'ts, but to simchas, yes, I am late. I have to wait for the babysitter, somehow while the kids are up (before babysitter comes) I have to get dressed and all ready. Which doesn't usually happen. If it means I'm an hour late, so be it. For once, I want to look like a decent human being just like everyone else. Also, if the simcha is midweek- you better believe ppl are coming late. No one is leaving work early unless it is a sibling's simcha or their child's simcha. bad economic times. I find weekend affairs much easier to attend on time. But not everyone can make on the weekend- which is perfectly understandable. but I think ppl know that if something is mid-week, many ppl are showing up late....

[quote]

Thats one thing I hate about ny weddings - no one bothers coming on time so basically only the family are there at the chuppa. OOT weddings are so much nicer - people really want to be there!

Pickle Lady

Tue, Jul 28 2009, 5:48 pm

I think it depends on the community. I have been attending a shiur once a week in my community and it is exactly on time. It start the minute it was called for. I have also attended classes that said it started 30 minutes before the speaker was suppose to come because they knew people would come late. So I was 30 minutes early. That was annoying because I rushed out of the house early. I am basically punctual.