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hello
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 Thu, Sep 24 2009, 2:48 pm
Guys in shul were discussing that RH your not allowed to have relationship ooops I mean relations...?!?!?! 
Last edited by hello on Thu, Sep 24 2009, 3:06 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
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Thu, Sep 24 2009, 2:52 pm
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It's not Assur, but many are noheig not to.
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natmichal
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Thu, Sep 24 2009, 2:53 pm
Yes it's true- it's a minhag the Ariz"l started - not an halacha.
Quite a few people follow this minhag even if they are not Ariz"l followers (even thought there is not chiyuv to follow it). BUT , if it is mikvah night, even someone who follows this minhag usually doesn't for mikvah night. And it is beeter to have relations than to have hotsa'at zera l'vatala.
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ShirleyTemple
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Thu, Sep 24 2009, 2:53 pm
| hello wrote: | | Guys in shul were discussing that RH your not allowed to have relationship?!?!?! |
You mean relations, right? 
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SV
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Thu, Sep 24 2009, 2:53 pm
If you mean "relations" than yes, I believe it says that someone who is extra careful (I forget the exact lashon, maybe shomer nafsho??) abstains on first night of R"H. But IIRC if the couple hasn't fulfilled pru u'rvu or if it's mikvah night it's 100% ok.
Now it *is* a little strange for a bunch of men to be discussing that in shul....
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amother
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Thu, Sep 24 2009, 2:54 pm
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Just wondering... was this really a shul discussion? Did the gabbai klap on the bima and announce the psak halacha?
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amother
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Thu, Sep 24 2009, 3:06 pm
This is the question I e-mailed to the Rav, and his answer:
I have a quick question on Hilchas Onah. Which Yomim Tovim are couples forbidden to be together?
Answer: "Forbidden"? That applies only to Tisha B'av and Yom Kippur.
Now, there are times when it is BEST not to be together (assuming that it isn't the night of mikvah), however, that is only if a person is not going to have improper thoughts.
These times are: the first night of Pesach, the night of Shavuos, the two nights of Rosh haShana, and the night of Shmini Atzeres.
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hello
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Thu, Sep 24 2009, 3:08 pm
| amother wrote: | This is the question I e-mailed to the Rav, and his answer:
I have a quick question on Hilchas Onah. Which Yomim Tovim are couples forbidden to be together?
Answer: "Forbidden"? That applies only to Tisha B'av and Yom Kippur.
Now, there are times when it is BEST not to be together (assuming that it isn't the night of mikvah), however, that is only if a person is not going to have improper thoughts.
These times are: the first night of Pesach, the night of Shavuos, the two nights of Rosh haShana, and the night of Shmini Atzeres. |
Right... I think these were the exact yomim tovim my dh came home saying! (it's great that you have a rav u can email...)
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amother
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Thu, Sep 24 2009, 3:11 pm
Wow, I totally messed up this R"H...
Didn't prepare a yahrzeit candle for lighting candles on the second night. I missed the first night and so DH lit for me. Had relations the first night, and missed the late afternoon shofar blowing which I was going to go to because I missed it by about a half hour at shul earlier in the day.
Am I going straight to hell? 
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amother
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Thu, Sep 24 2009, 3:14 pm
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I went to mikvah on 2nd night RH. In a case like that, it's definitely not assur.
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onlyme
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Thu, Sep 24 2009, 3:18 pm
| amother wrote: | Wow, I totally messed up this R"H...
Didn't prepare a yahrzeit candle for lighting candles on the second night. I missed the first night and so DH lit for me. Had relations the first night, and missed the late afternoon shofar blowing which I was going to go to because I missed it by about a half hour at shul earlier in the day.
Am I going straight to hell? |
Well, you look like you've done teshuva already 
Actually having relations on RH is NOT an aveira, just not the preferred thing to do. Oh, and it's no aveira not to light a yartzeit candle either, and AFAIK, women are not mechuyav to listen to the shofar so, there! Straight to heaven you go (after 120 healthy years)!
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onlyme
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Thu, Sep 24 2009, 3:38 pm
| Mama Bear wrote: | | is HELLO a guy? |
Well, I'm sure her dh is...
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Isramom8
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Thu, Sep 24 2009, 3:39 pm
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No, it's not true that guys in shul were discussing this. At least I didn't hear them...
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amother
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Thu, Sep 24 2009, 9:43 pm
| amother wrote: | | I went to mikvah on 2nd night RH. In a case like that, it's definitely not assur. |
Not only is it not Assur, it's a Mitzvah to go to the Mikvah on time on RH, and have relations with your spouse.
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amother
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Thu, Sep 24 2009, 9:47 pm
| amother wrote: | Wow, I totally messed up this R"H...
Didn't prepare a yahrzeit candle for lighting candles on the second night. I missed the first night and so DH lit for me. Had relations the first night, and missed the late afternoon shofar blowing which I was going to go to because I missed it by about a half hour at shul earlier in the day.
Am I going straight to hell? |
You didn't mess up.
People forget to light candles all the time, and it's not an Aveira.
Having relations on RH is not an Aveira. If the husband wants it, it's preferable to be together. Some people don't even have this MINHAG. And many Rabbanim say that if one has not fulfilled Pru Urivu, they should not hold this Minhag.
As for as Shofar is concerned, some sects hold that the woman is not required to hear Shofar. Remember, it's a Minhag, and even though Minhag Yisroel Din Hu and it's a very important Minhag to follow, you will not go to hell.
 Sorry you felt so down from my post. That was not my intention.
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