My friend is still waiting

shev

Thu, Nov 26 2009, 12:06 pm

I got married about a year ago and baruch hashem I was blessed with a baby right away, but unfortunatly my very good friend which got married a half a year before me is still waiting and she is getting more and more depressed about her situation as time goes on, and it is very hard for me to talk to her because I am scared she is going to hear my baby but I havr to call her often because before I had a baby I used to talk to her very often so I don't want her to think Im not calling because Ihave a baby & Im too busy for her. Any ideas

lovemywig

Thu, Nov 26 2009, 12:12 pm

You should call her and she MAY hear your baby. Nothing will happen if she does. You didn't take away hers. What you should do is daven for her, that she too should merit to hold her very own soon.

Number_1

Thu, Nov 26 2009, 12:14 pm

...and please! Dont avoid talking about your baby. She wants to hear about your life, and thats your life now!

AlwaysGrateful

Thu, Nov 26 2009, 12:41 pm

Number_1 wrote:

...and please! Dont avoid talking about your baby. She wants to hear about your life, and thats your life now!

I would reword this a bit. Please! Don't ASSUME that she wants you to avoid talking about your baby. Feel her out. Some people in this situation do want to hear about your baby, since your baby is part of your life. Others do not, because it's too painful for them. You have to listen to how she reacts when you talk about your baby and go from there. Each person undergoing this nisayon is very different.

As for hearing the baby in the background, what can you do? I would say that's the lesser of the two evils, by far.

You sound like a great friend.

Love My Babes

Thu, Nov 26 2009, 2:37 pm

Number_1 wrote:

...and please! Dont avoid talking about your baby. She wants to hear about your life, and thats your life now!

I know two girls who got married the same time and one had a baby and the other is not pregnant and she doesnt ever ask anything about the baby and doesnt talk about it, so everyone is different. she feels bad about it.

Number_1

Thu, Nov 26 2009, 2:40 pm

I guess you're right...everyone is different. You should somehow figure out what your friend prefers.

ClaRivka

Thu, Nov 26 2009, 3:59 pm

If youre very good friends then I really shudnt b a problem...

My best friend got married a yr and a half after me and has a one yr old while im still waiting. I love her to pieces as well as her daughter. She calls me every week from EY and I always ask abt her daughter bc I care.

shev

Thu, Nov 26 2009, 4:42 pm

no not true we are really close,but my friend is taking her situation really really hard, so she doesnt ever speak to me about my daughter, my daughter is sick and she has to go to the doctor every week at the beg I used to tell her about it, but after a while I stopped bec she doesnt ask me back how my daughter is doin

ClaRivka

Thu, Nov 26 2009, 4:58 pm

shev wrote:

she could forget abt ur daughter. If I dont ask abt someone's children its usually bc they don cross my mind. My focus is on her and not her kids so I often tend to forget with some ppl.

flowerpower

Thu, Nov 26 2009, 5:03 pm

There is no reason to call her and meet her less, it will only ruin things. Make sure not to talk about the baby the whole time. Just continue to be good normal friends with her.

prettyone

Tue, Dec 01 2009, 3:41 pm

she is only married a year and a half. Not long enough to be "branded" as an infertility issue. Therefore act totally normal around her so she doesnt feel even worse. By you tiptoeing around her as though she has a big problem she pob feels like her problem is even bigger than it is. Same goes for unmarried friends who are not very old.

bigSmile

Tue, Dec 01 2009, 4:21 pm

My opinion:

- call as much as you can and don't worry about the noise your baby in the background
- before you call, try to think of something to talk about that doesn't involve your baby
- if your baby comes up in the conversation it's ok (it's worse to be too avoidant and stilted)
- give yourself a pat on the back for being a good friend