Spinoff of: Is cleaning help a luxury?

Grandmama

Thu, Aug 26 2010, 7:06 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

sarahd wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

sarahd wrote:

Cute.

Not, but it's the reality. There are some crowds that yes, they have food stamps, and yes, they do the whole 'country' spiel.

So then be happy that they're going on $200 a month vacations and not spending $5000 on bungalows.

I'm not sure what your point is. I'm not sure that those that spend $200 a month on vacation are the same as those that spend $5,000 (or closer to $10,000 if it's for a full summer) on bungalows. The reality is that it happens that those that are on food stamps etc... sometimes also go to the mountains for the summer. I am tempted to make a poll, but I'd be surprised if people would honestly vote.

Well, the justification I have heard from many of these people, that they put money away every month for the summer bungalow expense, because their rent year round is subsidized. For those living in the city, this is like halacha to them, there is no way they can stay home when "everyone" goes away.

life'sgreat

Thu, Aug 26 2010, 7:39 pm

Grandmama wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

sarahd wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

sarahd wrote:

Cute.

Not, but it's the reality. There are some crowds that yes, they have food stamps, and yes, they do the whole 'country' spiel.

So then be happy that they're going on $200 a month vacations and not spending $5000 on bungalows.

Oh. As long as they feel justified.

shalhevet

Fri, Aug 27 2010, 5:12 am

Grandmama wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

sarahd wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

sarahd wrote:

Cute.

Not, but it's the reality. There are some crowds that yes, they have food stamps, and yes, they do the whole 'country' spiel.

So then be happy that they're going on $200 a month vacations and not spending $5000 on bungalows.

I guess they are paying for their cleaning help with their rent subsidies and money they save by getting food stamps, too.

ILOVELIFE

Sun, Aug 29 2010, 11:37 am

saw50st8 wrote:

ILOVELIFE wrote:

NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN HAVING A HAPPY AND STABLE HOME and I'll do what it takes....

I prefer to feed my children over making them happy. But that's just me. If I can't afford something, I don't get it.

aGAIN, this is only MY take based on MY finances and MY thoughts so I wouldn't want to make a global statement.

It's B"H not a matter of my kids starving but yes, in our home, we happen to eat simply just because so my take is have them eat (if need be) cereal and sandwiches in the company of parents (esp the mother) who is happy, relaxed and calm than a nice 4 course meal in the company of a parent who is stressed adn screaming.

And I'm going to say s/thing a bit daring: some of the ppl who go bonkers with frugal living pay more in therapy for themselves adn their kids to deal with the stress finances give them.

Again, I will NOT BE OK wiht going overboard but s/times you just do what you gotta do to make sure you feel good emotionally and physically.

JAWSCIENCE

Mon, Aug 30 2010, 8:26 am

I lived in Brooklyn all my pre-married life. I knew plenty of people who did not have cleaning help and were not in therapy because of it. I also knew people who did not go to the country for the summer. The idea that these expenssive things are like "halacha" to some people is very sad. The fact that we as a community are so insensitive to others that we can ask someone "where did you go on vacation" and then poke and prod so as to make that person who was perfectly happy with their situation suddenly become embarrassed is terrible. That people feel without cleaning and going away for the country and showing off their money they won't be able to be functioning members of the community, marry off their kids etc. makes me want to cry.

I do not have cleaning help. I couldn't afford it and don't need it right now since its just DH and me. We do take vacation every now and then because our school pays for us to travel to conferences. So most of the expenses are covered. I guess you could call them "working vacations". I would personally not want to do the country thing even if I was not a working mom because I would not want to be separated from DH for so much of the week.

If you have the money for cleaning help and vacation then by all means go for it. But please remember not everyone is as fortunate and do not rub their noses in it or assume that this should be a "halacha" for them. Do not try and convince people like YALT that they must be going on vacations. Especially if this is unsolicited advice. CM is right - stop looking in other peoples pockets. This goes both ways. People who can't afford should not begrudge those who can and people who can afford should stop trying to convince those who can't that they are missing out.

As for people who are abusing public assistance programs to be able to afford this sort of thing, I do not know their whole story so I will leave it up to hashem to judge. Or possibly the federal government if they get audited.

saw50st8

Mon, Aug 30 2010, 9:37 am

ILOVELIFE wrote:

saw50st8 wrote:

ILOVELIFE wrote:

NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN HAVING A HAPPY AND STABLE HOME and I'll do what it takes....

I prefer to feed my children over making them happy. But that's just me. If I can't afford something, I don't get it.

I am a big fan of life balance and happy home. I make simple, quick meals 99% of the time.

If it came down to having cleaning help or sending my kids to yeshiva I would pick yeshiva (in my case gardener is more apt, because its more important to me that people don't pass my house and say "Look at the Jew on the block who lets her house go").

So IMO, if you aren't paying full tuition, then yes, unless there are extenuating circumstances, you should NOT have cleaning help. That should go to tuition.

B"H neither DH nor I are in therapy.

Grandmama

Mon, Aug 30 2010, 6:25 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

Can I say this one more time?

Grandmama did not say that those that don't have cleaning help will need therapy. She said that sometimes, having cleaning help is cheaper than therapy and can help one cope with overwhelming situations, just a bit better.

Now back to the scheduled programming.

Thanks LG! On this forum everything gets twisted.

life'sgreat

Mon, Aug 30 2010, 9:51 pm

Grandmama wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

Thanks LG! On this forum everything gets twisted.

Yeah. Sometimes it sounds like people choose to read every fifth word. I just don't understand how someone came to that conclusion from what you wrote.

Grandmama

Mon, Aug 30 2010, 11:41 pm

For the new year, I want to wish everyone all the best, and that includes good cleaning help.
If you really need it, or just want it, if you can afford it, and even if you have to cut elsewhere to be able to afford it, I wish you all clean organized homes, with the best of help.
For those that insist on never taking help, hope your cleaning is minimized by less people making a mess and more household members helping to clean up their messes.
If you need therapy, I wish for you the money to be able to pay for it.

life'sgreat

Mon, Aug 30 2010, 11:58 pm

Grandmama wrote:

Amen Grandmama.

ILOVELIFE

Wed, Sep 01 2010, 10:39 pm

saw50st8 wrote:

ILOVELIFE wrote:

saw50st8 wrote:

ILOVELIFE wrote:

NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN HAVING A HAPPY AND STABLE HOME and I'll do what it takes....

I prefer to feed my children over making them happy. But that's just me. If I can't afford something, I don't get it.

FTR, I pay full tuition and am in full agreement with you about that!