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Forum
-> Working Women
amother
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 Fri, Oct 08 2010, 11:24 am
My boss will be making his first bar mitzvah soon - his shul is 1 hour + walk from my home.
am I obligated to go?
do I have to move my family to a different neighborhood, just so we can attend?
we have a good working relationship, but we wouldn't be friends in real life. Also, he is a man, so I wouldn't be friends with him anyway.
Just not sure if by not going will I be making a statement.
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Ruchel
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Fri, Oct 08 2010, 11:38 am
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It really depends on what is done around you.
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chocolate moose
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Fri, Oct 08 2010, 12:41 pm
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Is it on Shabbos? did he offer to find a place for you to stay ?
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Yocheved84
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Fri, Oct 08 2010, 12:47 pm
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A boss' event? You have to go. I would tell him that you'll go (if it's on Shabbos), but it depends on the weather. You don't want to schlep through a rainstorm and show up all soaked...
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rosehill
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Fri, Oct 08 2010, 12:56 pm
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I wouldn't go. I wouldn't offer any excuses, just "I'm so sorry we won't be able to be there". And I would give a gift.
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sofaraway
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Fri, Oct 08 2010, 3:21 pm
| rosehill wrote: | | I wouldn't go. I wouldn't offer any excuses, just "I'm so sorry we won't be able to be there". And I would give a gift. | 
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Peanut2
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Fri, Oct 08 2010, 6:40 pm
Quick before shabbos - I wouldn't just say sorry we couldn't go and give a gift.
Generally you should go to boss's event. If it's on shabbos and not within reasonable walking distance, then you can say it's too far. If he offers to set you up somewhere else, you'll have to go.
An hour away is tricky. Is it really a full hour's walk? If so it might be too far. If it's more 45-60 minute-ish....
The other thing is - did he just invite you to the shul portion of the proceedings? Is there also a party and are you invited to the party? If there is a party and you're invited, you should go to the party and can skip shul (possibly with an explanation). If there is a party and you're not invited to the party, you may also be able to skip shul. If there is no party and just an aliyah.... you need to think of what you can say or should do if you don't want to go.
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Mrs Bissli
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Sun, Oct 10 2010, 6:33 am
The first question is, what are other colleagues going to do? If everyone else is there and you didn't go, then it will look bad. On the other hand, I'm sure he'll really appreciate and notice your presence, so a good chance get a brownie point.
1hr doesn't look too bad, esp if you can stay till the end of shabbat. My DH occasionally walks 1.5hrs one way to attend another shul for various reasons, I know many people do that to visit friends/family. ONE THING THAT'S IMPORTANT IF YOU DON'T HAVE/USE AN ERUV--before shabbat, leave a pair of dress shoes at the synagogue where the simcha is, so you can walk in a comfortable shoes.
I don't see a need to attend en masse with your family, unless you socialise with the boss as a family.
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