3 year old dughter pleasuring herself

Thu, Oct 14 2010, 7:12 pm

Is this normal. Everuday, for relaxing and when she goes to sllep, my daughter takes her blenket, she puts it in between her, lies on her stomach. I reallized what she was doing, when I once heard her breathing loudly and she was sweating, is this normal, I noncelantly asked her what she is doing, she said pushing inside and sh showed me where. I told she will hurt herself, she said it feels yum, how can I help her, is this normal?????

amother

Thu, Oct 14 2010, 7:31 pm

She figured out what makes us woman tick. I don't remember at what age I started doing it but I definitely remember that I wasn't the only one. We had a couple of classmates... none of us were se%ually molested. It was somehow discovered, it felt good, so why not.

pumpernickle

Thu, Oct 14 2010, 7:31 pm

I've heard of kids doing these kinds of stuff. I know my friend asked her pediatrician about it after her three and a half year old did that. The doctor said it's natural for kids to pleasure themselves.

amother

Thu, Oct 14 2010, 7:34 pm

amother wrote:

u can never know if one kid was molested and passed on the pleasures to it's peers unintentionally. I know I've been molested and passed on the pleasures.(unfortunately)

hannah95

Thu, Oct 14 2010, 7:35 pm

It's actually normal for children to experience mast#rbation at this age. Don't panic. She's not doing it in a s-xual way, it makes her feel good, that's all she understands. I wouldn't worry too much, it should go away pretty quickly.

What you can do is talk to her and explain how certain part of our body are only ours and should only be touched in private and only by herself or by mummy/daddy, and that it's not tznius / polite / the way you want to put it / to do these kind of touching in front of others.

Edited to add :

Some doctors say that children m#sturbating at bed time is a sign of anxiety. Maybe you could try staying with her a little longer when she goes to sleep and see if it helps ?

Last edited by hannah95 on Thu, Oct 14 2010, 7:38 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Thu, Oct 14 2010, 7:36 pm

It doesnt have to be molestation or anything like that. I myself (as well as my sister, whom I found out secretly) somehow figured this out and did it to oursleves...I dont know how to address it.
All I knew then is that I was doing something 'wrong', and when I got married I had a very hard time allowing myself to let myself enjoy relations bec. it was something I've been doing all my life but was something bad and not allowed...
I dont know what the solutino is bec. obviously she shouldnt be doing this but making her feel that she's bad and doing a bad thing also has its effects...

amother

Thu, Oct 14 2010, 9:02 pm

I asked Doc. He said it's normal.
Tell her it's not Tznius in public. She can do it in her room or in the bathroom = private.
I understand how you must be feeling. embarrassed

Me too!
I did it as a child, I was not molested C"V or anything like that, and my daughter does it now too.
An adult that sees needs to understand and be smarter, A child that sees does not understand what's going on or does it themselves and does understand... So?
Be strong. She'll be all right!

amother

Thu, Oct 14 2010, 9:36 pm

I can totally understand your worry.
I know it's irrational, but when I saw my 18 month old touching herself in the bath the other day, I nearly ran out of the bathroom screaming to my husband "awkward parenting moment!!! awkward parenting moment!!!!".
I have no idea how I would handle it if I saw my daughter doing it when she was 3-4.
Good luck. I'm SURE it's not a sign of anything bad, it's just awkward for you to deal with.

amother

Thu, Oct 14 2010, 9:59 pm

ok, first of all, the worst thing to do is to make a big hairy deal about this. your daughter will feel badly about herself and not really understand why. when you see her doing it, just remain calm and say "that is not tznius, touching your privates is for the bathroom or bedroom". also, ask her to wash her hands, cuz thats kinda gross.
when she gets older, privacy will be instinctive and she will know (like everybody else) that touching yourself is a private thing. some do it and some dont and its not the end of the world. maybe she will be a wife who actually knows her own body and what feels good, unlike some amothers who come on here not knowing their ---- from their elbow.

Fri, Oct 15 2010, 1:46 pm

op here. Thanks for your comments, made me feel calmer. What makes me feel ok about it is that she does not touch her private parts with her fingers, rather she pleasured herself by moving up and down against a firm part of th blanket which she crumbles between her legs, over her pajamas, also she does it whie she is going to sleep and I am laying with her for her to fall asleep. So it is not something she is associating as bad and will do it in front of me, which for now is good. I try to tell her I dont want her to hurt herself, so she should just go to sleep

amother

Fri, Oct 15 2010, 1:52 pm

First reaction: JEALOUSY!!! I wish I could do the same thing myself!! :-) At least your daughter is a healthy human being. Sometimes I feel like I'd give my eyeteeth to be able to know what she does (and I'm 26, wit a kid of my own and another on the way Imy"H.)

If it helps, my kallah teacher - the foremost one in Lakewood - said that the way she deals with this (ie, kallahs who tell her they pleasure themselves) is to tell them to PREFERABLY "save it" to enjoy together with their DH - she didn't sound stressed or worried about it though!

So, the way I see it, be glad your daughter has been gebentcht, and won't have issues later like many women unfortunately do - PLEASE don't make it a negative thing and ruin that! Just make sure she keeps it private (to avoid awkwardness.)

amother

Fri, Oct 15 2010, 1:55 pm

I always used to do something like that (and I sometimes still do)

I grab the corner of the blanket in my fist and ball my other hand over that fist. then I put my fists between my legs (lying on my stomach) and kind of push it against the place between my legs firmly. (thru my nightgown and underwear. then while pushing firmly I slowly scissor my legs. I used to call it excersizing. once when I was about 4 I mentioned excersizing to my mother and when she asked what I meant I showed her and she said that I shouldnt really excersize like that cause I could hurt myself over there. but I kept doing it- just never told her. it would make me feel good and kind of comfort me- there were some times in my life I couldnt fall asleep without excersizing.

now I do it sometimes. usually when I am having trouble falling asleep. nothing to do with nidda or not. I dont think its real pleasuring. I dont touch anything... just rub against the over all area. it doesnt make me feel good in a s@xual way- just in a comfort way.

amother

Fri, Oct 15 2010, 4:22 pm

I had this with my daughter. I remember discussing it with my pediatrician who is a woman. she explained to me that in my mind, masterbation is s2xual. but for a child, it's just a feel good thing. (like sucking her thumb). she told me to ignore it, unless she does it in public.

amother

Sat, Oct 16 2010, 2:48 pm

I started when I was very young, no molestation, thank you, and continued now till 25! Wink

My parents did NOT like it, I know they discouraged me from doing it, so I just did it in private. I didn't associate it with something bad, just private. And yes, I also used a blanket.