best joke ever, needed its own thread :)

mirror

Tue, Oct 26 2010, 2:15 am

sky wrote:

All we ever hear are Jewish jokes. So, here are some Gentile jokes.

Two gentile mothers meet on the street and start talking about children. Gentile mother 1 (said with pride): "My son is a construction worker!" Gentile mother 2 (said with more pride): "My son is a truck driver!"

How true this is.

Last edited by mirror on Thu, Dec 31 2015, 11:06 am; edited 1 time in total

chanchy123

Tue, Oct 26 2010, 4:13 am

Mama Bear wrote:

men joke, for you:

Husband comes home, wife waits for him and berates him:

"This place is a mess! C'mon,
I mean it. You and I
need to clean up your stuff lying on the floor,
or you'll have no clothes
to wear if we don't do laundry right now!"

What does the hubby hear:

Blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON
Blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
Blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
Blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
Blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW!

lol

mimivan

Tue, Oct 26 2010, 4:18 am

this old classic is the story of my life, actually!

A man sits on a train a Jewish lady asks him, "Sir, are you Jewish?"
"No, I'm not."
She still stares at him.
"Sir, are you SURE you aren't Jewish."
The man is annoyed.
"No, Ma'am I am certainly NOT Jewish."
She is still staring..
"Are you really certain you aren't Jewish, sir."
Then he throws down his newspaper in a rage.
'ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, JUST TO MAKE YOU SATISFIED, I'M JEWISH!"
"Funny," the lady said, "you don't LOOK Jewish."

Before my conversion (was told by some family that my maternal grandmother was Jewish but had no proof, so did a conversion), people kept saying I seemed Jewish or even, in some cases, some Jews assumed I was Jewish (I am actually told I look Irish, although I have Dutch, Scottish and French ancestry). Interetstingly, my brother also has Jewish friends kind of "assuming" he is Jewish (including a Conservative rabbi's daughter who wanted to go out with him..Oops! ) even though he looks so Irish...so maybe there is a neshama issue at work... Wink

(he also was in the conversion process briefly but got sidetracked)...

But once I converted...."Funny, you don't look Jewish."

In fact, I was felt nervous about going on mitzvoim (when Chabadniks ask women if they want to light Shabbos candles) because I was nervous that when I would ask "Are you Jewish" someone would respond. "Are YOU Jewish?!" LOL

Or imagine someone coming up to a Chabadnik on mitvzoim asking to light Shabbos candles and her saying "Funny, you don't look Jewish!" LOL

The "looking Jewish" quotient isn't such an issue now, since I am in Israel and almost everyone is either Jewish or Arab (and I don't look Arab and there are handful of xtians) and because of the way I dress..but boy, did my life resemble that Jewish joke while I was single.

Merrymom

Tue, Oct 26 2010, 11:19 am

This is one of my favorites:

A man drives on the highway one day and notices a penguin at the side of the road. He brings the penguin into his car and stops at the nearest tollbooth:

"Maam, I found this penguin at the side of the road, do you know what I should do with him?". The toll collector says, "Take him to the zoo". The man replies "That's a great idea, thanks!"

The next day the same man comes to the same booth and the same toll collector is at work. She sees the man is wearing sunglasses, and seated right next to him is the penguin, and he is wearing sunglasses too!

" I thought I told you to take the penguin to the zoo, what happened?" says the toll collector.

"I did" replies the man "and we had such a good time that today we decided to go to the beach".

Tue, Oct 26 2010, 11:48 am

A cop pulls a man over for speeding. The policeman, who was hiding in the bushes waiting for someone to give a ticket to, says “I was waiting for you here ALL day!” The guy responds – “well, I got here as fast as I could”.

*******

An owner of a law firm, his assistant and his secretary are on a lunch break, walking to a restaurant when they find a lamp with a genie inside. The genie says “I usually grant three wishes, but since there are three of you, you each get one wish”. So the secretary says “I want to be on Bahamas right now, tanning in the sun” and POOF, he is gone. The assistant says “I want to be in Hawaii right now, enjoying a beautiful sunset” and POOF he also disappears. The owner says “I want both of them back in the office, right after lunch”