Not hosting a woman who dresses provocatively

amother

Tue, May 01 2012, 3:34 pm

Personally, I think it's totally normal the way you feel.
I too, know somone who would love for me to invite her over but I will not invite her to my house.
She is not attractive at all (no offense), but dresses inappropriately, and even worse, the language she uses is really not nice.
It's not a question of my husband being attracted to her, I just wont allow someone like that into my home.
I couldn't handle even my walls hearing the way she talks.
If she pops in to visit is (which she rarely does) it's one thing, but I will not invite her over.
You stick to what you feel is right and don't feel bad about your decision.

Good luck

ora_43

Tue, May 01 2012, 4:11 pm

Does she have friends in the community? If not, I think it'd be nice to try to get together with her in some way that doesn't involve your dh and kids. Maybe a get-together for women and very young children on Shabbat morning, or a small rosh hodesh event, something like that.

Bonus - then you don't have to deal with the obnoxious husband either.

If she does have friends, you don't need to feel bad about not inviting her, but you might be missing out on a friend and chaval.

OOTforlife

Tue, May 01 2012, 4:59 pm

amother wrote:

I had someone like that who kept asking to be invited over. She was very flirtatious to dh with her own dh not caring at all. We won't have them over again, even though dh couldn't understand my point of view.

If her dh didn't care and yours didn't get it either, might it be a cultural difference in what constitutes flirting. People who are used to having mixed-relations friendships do not necessarily see moderate amounts of joking, teasing and laughing as flirting, unless one recipient is conspicuously singled out for attention or unless there is some added factor like arm-touching, standing too close, or explicit compliments on attractiveness. In other communities, merely making a single joking remark with a smile to a member of the opposite relations may be flagrant inappropriate flirtation.

amother

Tue, May 01 2012, 5:04 pm

OOTforlife wrote:

amother wrote:

Her behavior was very very flirtatious. She would laugh with dh and stare at him. She'd raise her arms unsniusly and look straight at dh. As he walked by, she'd constantly stretch out her legs. She talked to him and was playing with her tummy at the same time. Another friend had them over and told me separately that this woman is never stepping foot in her house! Her dh was more the spacey type and was more interested in the divrei Torah - which might be a reason she was so attention hungry. All she said to me was thank you for the food.

OOTforlife

Tue, May 01 2012, 5:16 pm

amother wrote:

OOTforlife wrote:

amother wrote:

yeah, that is pretty bad in any context. agreed.

PAMOM

Tue, May 01 2012, 5:23 pm

1. I agree with OOTForLife BUT
2. If someone disturbs my DH, it IS his house too (as another poster said). However,
3. If I really liked the woman, I'd say, "Look, I'm in a tough spot here but I want to explain to you,we'd love to have you over since we relaly like spending time with you but my husband is pretty conservative in his views about women's clothes. I think he's a little uncomfortable with women who dress more modern so I'm not sure how to handle it."
You haven't used the word "tsnius" so you haven't called her middos into question in ANY way. You'e also given her the choice and made sure she knows you want to have them over,

Would this work for you?

Lady Godiva

Tue, May 01 2012, 5:51 pm

PAMOM wrote:

NO to #3. Invite her or don't, that's up to you, but it is completely inappropriate and simply rude to tell a woman that your husband doesn't approve of her "modern" mode of dress.

amother

Wed, May 02 2012, 12:22 am

this is complicated for you OP. be grateful at least that you have the choice to invite or not to invite, and that she is not family who yu have no choice about inviting! that is my situation, my sil dresses very provocatively, sits in a way that my dh (her bil) can see all the way up her legs, he frequently leaves the room for long periods of time when we get together bec of that. it is awkward, btu there is nothing I can do. family is much harder!

good luck with the decision making. be strong with your decision and make sure not to hurt any feelings too badly along the way!

marshmellow

Wed, May 02 2012, 8:54 am

amother wrote:

OOTforlife wrote:

amother wrote:

lol that's quite funny! totally not right and uncomfortable for you and your husband but you know what I mean!