Different kashrus standards

amother

Mon, Jul 23 2012, 9:26 pm

I apologize in advance if this is a very dumb or offensive question, but I really need to know. If I keep completely kosher, am shomer shabbos, but do not eat chalav yisroel, use a range of accepted hashgachas, and am modern orthodox, and I have a guest who is chassidish, is she likely to have say, a cup of coffee in my home? Should I not be offering anything to avoid embarrassing her or putting her on the spot? She knows and trusts that I am kosher and shomer shabbos, etc, but my understanding is that amongst chassidim there are specific standards that are different, I am not at all insulted by this I just really do not want her to feel uncomfortable by having to turn down anything I offer. Advice on how to proceed?

amother

Mon, Jul 23 2012, 9:35 pm

My MIL is chassidish (bt, kind of, was MO when dh was a kid, is now much 'frummer') we are MO...anyway, she will eat parve food I make, or dairy if I use only chalav yisrael products, but this was after a very frank discussion, and I think it's a big compromise for her, but she wants to have a good relationship with us, etc. she won't even enter my house during pesach, however, after a big controversy surrounding covering/not covering the countertops. my guess is, it probably depends on how close a friend.

seeker

Mon, Jul 23 2012, 11:15 pm

I'd offer food/drinks as usual but make it very clear - I.e. serve in original packaging - and tell her clearly that you understand and won't be offended if she declines some of your food so she doesn't have to awkwardly wonder what to do. But if the visit is anything over an hour or so and I know about it before my last shopping trip I'd try to make sure I have at least something with a "chasidish" hashgacha - maybe a thing of CY milk for coffee and a package of "frum" cookies.

MaBelleVie

Mon, Jul 23 2012, 11:17 pm

I'm assuming you won't offer her non-CY food or beverage, right? Some people won't eat off dishes that were used for CS, some people will. So it depends on the guest Smile

IME, you can always ask in a way that doesn't make it seem like a big deal- "I know you are makpid about certain things kashrus wise. What can I offer you?"

amother

Mon, Jul 23 2012, 11:25 pm

MaBelleVie wrote:

I'm assuming you won't offer her non-CY food or beverage, right? Some people won't eat off dishes that were used for CS, some people will. So it depends on the guest Smile

IME, you can always ask in a way that doesn't make it seem like a big deal- "I know you are makpid about certain things kashrus wise. What can I offer you?"

sorry missed this post... ok, I see, that is a very good way to put it. I know she would feel horrible to imply to me that I am not kosher enough, and I just don't want her to have to be in that position. Will put out paper cups, juice, "frum" cookies, lol cute way to put it.

amother

Mon, Jul 23 2012, 11:27 pm

DrMom wrote:

Have some disposable cups, utensils, plates on hand just in case. That might increase the probability she will eat what you serve.

Is this just for coffee/tea/snack or is this for a meal?

more of just a get together and shmooze... we are old friends.... live in different states now...

amother

Mon, Jul 23 2012, 11:29 pm

I have a chasidush friend whose test of a friend is, would she eat in their kitchen? How often would you entertain a chasidush friend? I would go out and buy food including coffee from a good michags place.

A CY person could have an issue with your cups for instance. I forgot how you were supposed to clean them in order for a cy person to comfortably drink from them. I think it was rinse under hot water. Check with a rav. Your friend would probably not be comfortable with your china in any case. The rinsing was for exigent circumstances. You could use disposable.

When I moved into a chasidush area, my husband told me that I should not be upset if no one ate from me. b'h, Everyone eats from me and I am not chasidush so it is possible to be accepted.

I would just go out. Why put yourself through this and your guest?

amother

Mon, Jul 23 2012, 11:29 pm

amother

Mon, Jul 23 2012, 11:40 pm

amother wrote:

right, well for lunch for sure we'd step out, but I figured at first just to offer something like coffee, but then found myself wondering about the mugs (obviously the coffee itself is fine and milk would be cy). I mean, I would never invite her to a bbq clearly, but just for at first when she arrived to know what to offer safely.

Hashemlovesme

Tue, Jul 24 2012, 2:52 am

if you are old friends & spending a bit of time together to catch up I'd avoid any uncomfortable situations & put out a spread of fruit, packaged cakes & cold drinks (it's hot in most places anyways) w/ plastic cups. Enjoy!

Tue, Jul 24 2012, 9:38 am

This comes up every so often. I would just ask, in advance, if she would like you to have certain things on hand for coffee and snacks, but also ask in a neutral sort of way, "or would you prefer to go out for coffee?" Everyone knows that there are different standards held in different communities, and it shouldn't be a big deal to talk about it.

Ay Jay Jay

Tue, Jul 24 2012, 2:46 pm

My in-laws are also chassidish and they do eat in my house, and trust that I will make Chalav Yisroel for them.

It also depends how "MO" you are. I have some friends who said they wouldn't eat in someone's home who doesn't cover her hair- because that shows that she is not stringent on Halacha. To each their own. I think just because she is "Chassidish" doesn't mean she will have the typical standards of someone Chassidish. If she trusts your home, then she may eat there. I think it is a personal thing.