4 yr. old girl who "touches herself" all day!! WWY

amother

Thu, Dec 06 2012, 7:02 am

chani8 wrote:

Why isn't it ok for the ganenet to say something to the child? She could say, "don't do that in gan, ok" or simply, "stop doing that, I don't let to do that in gan."

Chani as the mother of a little girl who has been doing this for a few years (since she was at least two and now she is a bit older) its not that easy to just tell a child to not do this. Trust me. My daughter now understands that if she wants to do that she can only do it in her bed and she BH complies now, but it was not that way in the beginning.

OP, I would let it go. Its a normal thing for a little girl to do. Its not s exual at that age, its sensory, it feels good, but has nothing to do with s ex.
I think that the more one makes it a bad thing, the worse it becomes. Try to explain that what she is doing is really something that she can only do alone in her room, so that other people dont see her doing it. I think enough times said to her she may pick it up and listen. I know that this works with my child.

chani8

Thu, Dec 06 2012, 7:22 am

amother wrote:

chani8 wrote:

Why isn't it ok for the ganenet to say something to the child? She could say, "don't do that in gan, ok" or simply, "stop doing that, I don't let to do that in gan."

I meant, why can't the ganenet work with her on this behavior, and not have to make such a big deal about it. Some kids pick their noses constantly, and it grosses me out, just like this behavior would bother me, and I would handle it the same way. I would say, "don't do that." Simple. Not a big deal. Maybe she would need reminding, but basically, "chani8 doesn't let to do that at gan." Simple, imo.

amother

Thu, Dec 06 2012, 7:26 am

chani8 wrote:

amother wrote:

chani8 wrote:

Why isn't it ok for the ganenet to say something to the child? She could say, "don't do that in gan, ok" or simply, "stop doing that, I don't let to do that in gan."

Got it. makes sense. it just has to be done in a way that wont make the girl feel bad. its a normal thing that she is doing, maybe not in a gan and all of the time, but its a normal thing for a girl to do.

amother

Thu, Dec 06 2012, 8:50 am

On the topic of women touching self, Rabbi Wallerstein talks about it in one of his classes. Please listen yourself to the link on http://www.torahanytime.com: go to speakers, then Rabbi Zecharia Wallerstein: Shovevim: BOYS ONLY SHIUR (12/28/2010). The shiur was given to boys, but he delves into this issue.

Sherri

Thu, Dec 06 2012, 8:55 am

amother wrote:

Boys Only shiur?

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Dec 06 2012, 9:03 am

amother wrote:

He delves into female pleasuring in a BOYS ONLY shiur? If that is the case, that is wrong on so many levels.

amother

Thu, Dec 06 2012, 9:05 am

I would think to try to distract her and ask not to do it in gan. Maybe try to realese her energy with jumping jacks or running aroung the yard. She can get the sensual pleasure from other sources like swimming playing with sand or mud. I just don't think it is a good habit. It is better to try to channel this energy to other venues.

sneakermom

Thu, Dec 06 2012, 9:11 am

I just want to point out that it's important to remember that a child that is pleasuring herself all day is doing it for a reason. And often it is because they are lacking something. Either sensory input or a feeling of calmness. To just put a bandaid on the issue and just force the child to stop is not dealing with the underlying issue and it will further complicate the child.

I have seen children that are dealing with issues that cause them to feel anxious self stimulate to self soothe and get through the day. I have seen kids who have strong sensory deficiencies and with ot and therapy didn't need to self stimulate all day.

Children are clever and figure out ways to adapt and survive.

greenfire

Thu, Dec 06 2012, 9:13 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

amother wrote:

He delves into female pleasuring in a BOYS ONLY shiur? If that is the case, that is wrong on so many levels.

do they then not wonder why boys begin to touch self ?!?!?!

Ay Jay Jay

Thu, Dec 06 2012, 9:20 am

I personally would do more than just tell the child to stop it.

I think you need to tell the mother, not in a way that this behavior is inappropriate and shouldn't be done in school... But more out of concern for the child. Figure out why is she doing this...

I would highly suggest that this little girl see a doctor ASAP. My guess is that she has a yeast infection or tract infection.
This might be sad and unnecessary to say, but I will anyway. There was a 4 year old girl, who I knew, who kept behaving in the exact same fashion. She was taken to the doctor, and the doctor found that she had gonorrhea.. resulting in the doctors concluding that the little girl had been s*xually abused by a male who has the disease.
I'm not C'V saying that the little girl in your class could have been abused or have an STD, but it is possible that she was abused & therefore has a sensation to keep touching herself for comfort.. or that she has an infection like a yeast or tract.
That would be my first concern.

amother

Thu, Dec 06 2012, 4:21 pm

You could be completly talking about my four year old dd except im not a preschool teacher, I teach older grades.
I have no idea what she does in school but at home when she does it I remind her to either stop or go to her room and do it and she makes the choice.

She has been doing it since atleast she was two. Should I be worried? She isnt an anxious child and seems in every way normal to me bh.

Am I being neglectful for not worrying?

amother

Thu, Dec 06 2012, 6:38 pm

Op here- It is really interesting because I find that some days she does it tons and some days she doesn't do it at all. I was observing her today and she seemed fine, although all week last week and this week she has been doing it. It's off and on.

It seems to me that once she starts she can't stop. Just my observations....

daisy

Fri, Dec 07 2012, 8:26 am

I'm finding it to be an interesting shiur, and I haven't even gotten to the relevant part yet (1/2 hour into it)

To the OP:

It is common for little girls to get itching and irritation in that area because of the way they wipe.

If she is doing it for pleasure, it isn't a big deal, but she should be taught to do it privately.

I would not assume that the mother is aware of what is going on, she could just think that her daughter is being fidgety, or she just might not notice at all, since little kids are not always sitting still for long periods of time at home like they are in school.

daisy

Fri, Dec 07 2012, 9:17 am

greenfire wrote:

shabbatiscoming wrote:

amother wrote:

He delves into female pleasuring in a BOYS ONLY shiur? If that is the case, that is wrong on so many levels.

do they then not wonder why boys begin to touch self ?!?!?!

I just want to address this, because this post and the subsequent comments disturb me. An anonymous amother posts something and people jump on the Rabbi who gave the shiur.

I just listened to this shiur. It was about 1 hour and 10 minutes long. In the last 15 minutes or so, he talks about MALE pleasuring and different things guys can do to combat this (they were spiritual types of things like getting certain aliyos, etc). He refers to it as shmiras habris, by the way.

He DOES NOT address FEMALE pleasuring AT ALL.

Please listen to the shiur yourself before you make any assumptions.

Sherri

Fri, Dec 07 2012, 9:48 am

Sherri wrote:

amother wrote:

Boys Only shiur?

I was actually wondering why she posted it on a women only forum. Thank you for the clarification, daisy.

shabbatiscoming

Sat, Dec 08 2012, 10:59 am

daisy wrote:

greenfire wrote:

shabbatiscoming wrote:

amother wrote:

He delves into female pleasuring in a BOYS ONLY shiur? If that is the case, that is wrong on so many levels.

do they then not wonder why boys begin to touch self ?!?!?!

well that amother said that the rabbi giving the shiur delves into women touching self so it was a bit disconcerting.