Could use support, not coping with twins and house and husb

rac429

Wed, Jan 02 2013, 10:51 pm

My twins are 10 months old and I found that keeping them on a strict schedule was the most important thing. They eat every four hours (not before and not after) and they have the same nighttime schedule. They sleep from 7-8 and have been doing this since they were 4 1/2 months old. I was home with them for the past 10 months (just went back to work today Sad

) and my house was always a mess it didn't matter if I had just.cleaned up that morning or the cleaning lady had just spent the day cleaning. With so much baby stuff it just always feels cluttered and messy. I also recommend getting out as much as possible. We would go out every day and people love to look at the babies. I get stopped everywhere I go. Just take a deep breathe and tell yourself that you can handle anything. If you have any questions feel free to PM me I would be happy to help out any way I can.

ntm1

Wed, Jan 02 2013, 10:53 pm

For those who live in brooklyn- mainly boro park area theres an organization called Hourly Blessings- Please call the lady in charge Faigy Stern.....she's a really sweet lady and has really helped me. She sends married ladies to help out during the week for an hour or 2, once or twice a week- during the day when chessed girls are NOT available- it really helped me a lot in the first few months!!!! My girls are now a little over 2 .... I hate to say this and I wish I was lieing but it doesnt always get easier. right now its the hardest its ever been, they whine and cry and FIGHT a tremendous amount....I guess because my kids were really not that hard as newborns and as little babies. For us the easiest and cutest age was 6 months- 14 months.- happy little dolls- who slept through the night- (thanx to letting them each crying it out for a few nights..... it's a must if you ever want to sleep through the night)

OP feel free to PM me with any questions.. I totally understand what you're going though....and BTW when raising twins husbands really need to do help out more then when raising singles.....otherwise its almost imposibble!!

Good Luck....EVENTUALLY it gets easier!!

amother

Wed, Jan 02 2013, 11:48 pm

Hi op!!! Im replyong from my phone so keep that in mind if my post isnt so coherent. Anyway I bh have twins that are a little over two years old! Bh!! They are such a blessing and I thank hashm everyday for them. But.... twins is not easy. Mine didny sleep through the night until they turned 14 mntha old! And even now sometimea they wake up. :-( but thats totally not important and I have no clue y I posted this. Juat so u know wtvr u are feeling now is so normal. I felt so overwhlemd and atressed out and even til niw on certain days. Having twins is the bigeest bracha but ita very hard. U must keep them on a tight a schedule. Eat same time everyday.. naps.. bedtime the key is do the same routine every single day and eventually theyll get the hng of it and hopefullystart to sleep. I was a shmatte in the beg. U must must must rest/sleep when they do. Forget about the house (ps im a neat freak and lived in a mess until recently) rest when they do even in the middle of the day and constantly eat and stay hydrated so ull have energy. Dont worry everythibg u wrote is normal. I thought I was depressed cuz I also cried a lot and thought I was dying from all the aches n pains I was experiencing from pure exhaustion and hard work. Hang in there it does get easier!!!

amother

Thu, Jan 03 2013, 12:45 am

OP here
I have a different issue maybe you can help me with,
If I thought I was having a hard time adjusting, my husband is having just as hard if not harder. I dont know how to support him and give him encouragement. I wish there was a forum like this for new fathers. Theres so much responsibility on him now and its really not easy. I had a very hard pregnancy and was sick for a majority of shana rishona so its been rough. We're always cooped up inside now, don't have time or energy to go out together....Any suggestions?

gande

Thu, Jan 03 2013, 1:57 am

Babysitter! I am talking to myself too. (I should do it more often) Try to get a babysitter for an hour or two once a week at night and go out with your dh. You both need air your brains out and be able to connect and discuss each others feelings without being interrupted every minute. Also if you work during the day, do you have a babysitter in your house? Ask around and try to get one who does housekeeping too. When I had two little ones a year apart I had that and it was such a blessing. It kills two birds with one stone.

amother

Thu, Jan 03 2013, 9:06 am

Amother here with twin infants too. It is difficult for my husband, and we've been married over a decade, and waited a long time for these babies, I can't imagine how hard it is for you guys. I sent my husband the kveller article that someone linked to in this post and he felt it somewhat changed his perspective. He said he wishes he would've of read it before he had off on new years and was with the babies all day. I know it sounds wrong in todays world to say this but men just aren't cut out for dealing with kids like we are. We gotta cut them some slack. My husband helps out but is sometimes resentful as he wants to have a full time nurse but I do not. I have to be careful what I ask of him. As much as you know life will change after the birth, and you wanted this, the reality is overwhelming at times.

londoner

Thu, Jan 03 2013, 5:34 pm

Hi I'm also a mother of twins although mine were nos 2 and 3 after a longish gap and we'd been married for 7 years.

It is hard for husbands as there is so much work but it's also an amazing chance for them to really get a chance to bond with the babies because as there's 2 there's always 1 free for them to hold.

The beginning stage is so difficult and mine were prem too with some complications so very stressful. It does get much better. The key thing is to try and simply your effort as much as possible. I've no idea how you're managing to work as well. Well done you!

Why not get your husband to help planning things to streamline your efforts so he feels like he's solving a problem (men usually like that) and he may be more willing to work.

questions to consider are:

1. How can we make feeding us easier? (how you buy food, deliveries, cooking, storing cooked food, easy nights - my eldest hates the fact that thursday night is always baked potatos but they're dead easy and one of my favourite foods!)

2. How can we make getting clean clothes easier? (what can you cut out of the process, different baskets so you don't have to sort the washing into coloured, delicates etc and can just bung it straight in)

3. How can we make feeding them easier? (is it faster to both do a feed or one to do both at the same time)

4. What else would make life more pleasant?

5. What other people can we get to help with all of the above?

Also it is very important to spend time together. My neighbour told me off for not managing a date night when they were 4 months. Try and set up something regular with a babysitter or grandparent if you have one handy. Just going out for coffee and remembering to be more than parents is a break.

It does get easier, still challenging, but slightly less exhausting. Also don't think that if you give something up or get help you're failing. All you're doing is delegating the right resources to manage to survive. Survival should be your goal at the moment and it doesn't matter how you get there.

Wishing you much luck.

SivanMom

Thu, Jan 03 2013, 9:36 pm

My twins are now just over 2. My husband also had a harder time adjusting to my twins than I did. My first child slept through the night at 7 weeks. My second child, who had allergy and reflux issues, didn't take a bottle, so I nursed her for 14 months - my husband never had to do a feeding. Then my twins came along, and not only was he doing middle of the night feedings for one, he had to do them for two. It was a tough adjustment, and to this day, he's the one more petrified of having more kids.
The schedule that worked for us was: DH would go to sleep early. Until 2am (roughly) was my shift. If I could sleep, good, but usually I did not get much sleep. Then DH took over. That way, we each had a solid few hours of good sleep behind us, which makes everything during the day easier.
Did you mention where you live? I didn't notice it. If you live in Lakewood, PM me, I can give you some ideas for help.

JustHavingFun

Sun, Jan 13 2013, 10:14 am

You're doing the best you can and "good enough is good enough"! Just remember: you have the most important job in the world - raising these little neshamales. They are totally dependent upon you. You can't worry about dust bunnies when you have two developing intellects to feed and care for. If DH is making household demands on you, you have to ask for his help and his indulgence. If you are the one making demands on yourself, please know that you don't need to meet anyone's else's expectations and that you are allowed - no, MUST - take care of yourself.

Best advice I got for my infant twins was "wake a sleeping baby." If they're not on the same nursing schedule, it can make you insane. And I nursed both simultaneously with the help of a nursing pillow.

Another good bit of advice was to take some time for myself. I used to have someone come so I could get out for an hour once a week just for myself. I honestly didn't know where to go! I would go to a coffee house, or sit in the park, or even go to the library. I even took a relaxing bath once -- anything to be other than just a baby machine. I took my sketchbook, or notebook and wrote some poems, caught up on letters. It was hard at first, but I came to look forward to that time. No shopping, not even the library.

I wish you luck, love, and above all, SLEEP! Things will look better when you are better rested.

And give hubby attention and let him know you still consider him your prince. Please know that your hubby has no idea what the combination of hormones, no sleep, being clueless about babies, and societal expectations can do to a woman. He loves you, and you just have to explain things in terms he can understand to let him know that you are not slacking off, but rather, raising his children.

4gr8kids

Tue, Jan 29 2013, 12:27 pm

Hi, everyone I'm new today my twins are 14 months old bh I finally setup my account here maybe I'm starting to have a bit more time or maybe I'm despite to connect with mothers like me. I'm sitting and reading all your posted and tears are streaming down my cheeks, thanks for the support, I'm coming from the Pedi. now when she asked why I came I just say Dr. there is to much crying in my house:-( .