help, anyone have a child that cried for every little story

sleepless mom

Sun, Apr 07 2013, 9:24 pm

my 6 year old son cries for every story that is a little scary. for example the story from hillel on the roof top and almost every parsha. he hates to go in cheder and every morning he sings the same song mommy I don't want to go to cheder. any advice? Did anybody have a child this sensitive? If yes how did he grow up? and what did you do to help him?

amother

Sun, Apr 07 2013, 9:39 pm

Ds was the same. I took him out of school and put him in mo school. The teachers told me to take him to therapy but I just thought that it was not age appropriate to tell theses stories at that age and I was told that in fact it is not age apprropriate but most yeshiva kids have thick skin and are not bothered by that and also most of them not mature enough to really understand the stories. I'm not sure if he needs therapy or is just a smart and sensitive boy.

sleepless mom

Sun, Apr 07 2013, 10:58 pm

he is smart and sensitive and was extremely closed. with therapy he become more open and more understanding to every story.

amother

Mon, Apr 08 2013, 1:40 am

I was the same. as a 6 yo, I walked out of one "children's film" in tears, shaking in fear. I remain extra-sensitive person today. you can take pride in his sensitivity.

sequoia

Mon, Apr 08 2013, 1:45 am

I am like that too.

Fox

Mon, Apr 08 2013, 11:39 am

Yup -- it sounds like he might be hypersensitive. Typical characteristics of hypersensitive people include

* Depth of processing.
* Easily aroused compared to others (e.g., dramatic startle reflex)
* High levels of empathy and emotional reactivity
* Sensitivity to subtle stimuli

Hypersensitivity is NOT a disorder, and your goal shouldn't be to "make him like everyone else." As many as 20 percent of the population is hypersensitive, and like any trait, it can make life harder or easier depending on the situation.

Hypersensitive people are generally very socially savvy -- they pick up on subtle, non-verbal cues that others often miss. As a result, they are often perceived as gifted or as having great intuition. At the same time, they may get easily overwhelmed by stimuli, such as noise.

How can you help him manage his hypersensitivity constructively?

First of all, don't see it as a negative. Allow him lots of opportunities to hone his "intuition." He'll probably wear you out with conversation about various impressions of people, places, and things -- let him, because he needs to know that his observations are valued. After a while, you'll be happy to hear his impressions! Highly-sensitive people regularly save their loved ones from difficult situations because they pick up the subtle signals that others miss.

Second, help him develop "rules" to accommodate his hypersensitivity. For example, since I was a teenager, I have a strict rule against any entertainment with a sad ending. That means books, movies, TV shows, frum video presentations, etc. I know that stories designed to arouse certain emotional responses in "normal" people will be way, way over the top for me. Help your son identify triggers for his own hypersensitive reactions.

Third, help him develop some coping strategies for occasions when he won't be able to avoid triggers or stimuli, such as at school. He may need to learn to "tune out" parts of stories or envision a scene in black and white while gradually "panning" backward from it in his imagination.

Finally, be sensitive to his triggers. Don't insist he attend the Tisha B'Av video or read Holocaust memoirs until he's developed the necessary coping skills to handle the emotional reaction they will elicit.

Remember that Jews have an innate appreciation for hypersensitivity. We don't idolize the concept of "toughness" for its own sake, and we value that which is subtle and hidden from view. Like any midda, hypersensitivity can be used for good or ill. Give your son lots of encouragement to use his personality trait for good while giving him skills to make day-to-day life tolerable.

sleepless mom

Sun, May 05 2013, 1:10 am

Thank you Fox for your reply. I really appreciate sharing your knowledge.my sons latest thing is that he has fears. Fear from something that happened 2 month oga. He was lost for 2 minutes In an hotel. And he didn't tell me a word until 2 days ago. And yesterday he decided that he is scared of a been and today he is scared to go to the restroom by himself. Does it have anything to do with his sensitivity? Amy advice how to deal

Isramom8

Sun, May 05 2013, 1:58 am

It's a good thing to be sensitive!

I have a daughter who was so upset that her ganenet told her about all the bad kings. She was like, there was Pharoh, and Nimrod, and Nevuchadnetzar...enough already, it's too sad! With the story of Akeidas Yitzchak, she was very troubled because the ganenet didn't say that Avraham took him down in the end!

My son burst into tears when Clifford's owner worried that as a puppy, he might not survive the winter. He burst into angry tears when the Velveteen Rabbit was advised to be burned by the sick boy's doctor.

One of my daughters was scared of everything from blenders to lawn mowers to too many kids being around.

These children grew into people who are especially attuned to others, very bright and sensitive in all the good ways.

Just support his feelings, comfort him and calm him down. Don't let him skip cheder, though. He has to face the world.

5*Mom

Sun, May 05 2013, 6:56 am

Everything that Fox said.

I highly recommend the book, "The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping our Children Thrive When the World Overwhelms Them" by Elaine Aron.
http://www.amazon.com/Highly-S.....08724

MinnieMa

Sun, May 05 2013, 8:01 am

I'm not a the therapist just talking from my own child's sensitivity. Kids like this if presenting with fears alot of times take things that happen and hold on to them and the anxiety builds. If it's to the point of effecting his day to day life then maybe call relief and ask their advice, see if thy feel you should take him for therapy. Sometimes the therapy is more for the parents to learn how to react to the child's fears and anxiety. Doing it at a young age will help him.

sleepless mom

Sun, May 05 2013, 9:54 am

thank you for your reply. I truly appreciate your support and ideas. And yes his fears disturbs his sleep.

MinnieMa

Sun, May 05 2013, 10:33 am

I was going to ask you if he wakes at night from it. You should definitely speak to someone that can guide you, bec the sensitivity is not just that. it's building into anxiety and if anxiety is not taken care of it can build and get worse. It can't hurt to speak to a therapist or someone to guide you. Hatzlacha!!

sleepless mom

Sun, May 05 2013, 12:09 pm

Thank you minnie will definitely do that I wanna try to get approved from the board of ed. Cause he has ot they told me that I might get approved for special ed but I have to know how to put it down well. Which is hard for me cause I'm expressive. If anyone can help with that I would appreciate it.

MinnieMa

Sun, May 05 2013, 12:38 pm

If you have OT , you can probably get counseling and special Ed at that age would be p3- which I'm not sure if it will help his fears bec many p3's are out of the classroom. Just state how it affects him academically, he is constantly in fear of things which distracts him. It's hard for him to be calm in the classroom. At home he wakes at night, is scared to do things..... I'm just giving you few ideas how to present it during your meetin with boe. But truthfully , even if he gets approved through boe for counseling, many social worker aren't really knowledgable enough to deal with a kid who had real anxietys . Sometimes it's worth paying out of pocket to work with someone who deals specifically with those issues.

sleepless mom

Sun, May 05 2013, 3:39 pm

Thank you very much. Anyone has suggestion for a good therapist for me or my son in Brooklyn?