HELP!! CHild doesn't stop crying and kvetching non stop!

lk1234

Tue, Jan 29 2013, 9:09 pm

7:43 amother- your situation is different than op because you are dealing with a 4 year old and you have a clear issue. She kvetches.
In your case I would totally drop the issue that we'll call "KVETCHING".
Stop talking about it
Stop thinking that she is a kvetch monster
Stop noticing it
Stop commenting about it totally and completely.

At the same time, give her attention every 10-15 minutes so that you are connecting to her, and interacting with her so that she feels noticed NOT just for kvetching.

If, as you say she kvetches when she doesn't get something LEAVE the room. Just make a mad dash to the bathroom or bedroom. I call it "leave the scene of the crime". Just walk away. Even if you have to sit in the bathroom or bedroom for 20 minutes until she calms down it will not take long for her to chap the pattern.
The underlying idea is that you know that she is good, she was born pure and special and she just got into this bad habit of kvetching- it's not really her essence. Her essence is pure and good and you want to connect to that and not just focus your attention on her whininess and making that her whole essence.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Jan 30 2013, 3:10 am

ElTam wrote:

Quote:

Please, please, please, do not punish her. Get her the help she needs. Give her the support she so desparately needs. This is something that can and will affect your relationship with her long term. It is something she is likely to resent throughout her life, if she is hurting inside and her mother locks her in a room instead of helping her.

This, times 1,000.

Something is obviously bothering her and she is old enough to talk it out with you. What does she say when you sit down and talk to her about her behavior. Why she does it? How does she feel when she does it? What can you do to help her?

There's a very good chance that she has no idea why she does it. If something is bothering her systemically (instead of psychologically) then she'd have no way of knowing. Kids just aren't that self aware, and neither are most adults, frankly.

It wasn't until I went on a strict elimination diet that I found out that walnuts were a HUGE migraine trigger for me. Walnuts? I used to put those in everything! They're supposed to be healthy!

My parents found out that my brother was allergic to wheat, and my mom had been putting wheat germ in everything to try and get more protein and vitamins into him. He would be an absolute monster to live with, and no one knew why until they figured it out.

My DD is lactose intolerant, and if she has just one slice of cheese she becomes defiant, stubborn, whiny and miserable.

Even if she's suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder or is bi-polar, how is she going to find the words to express that?

libby1

Wed, Jan 30 2013, 4:32 am

first dont know whats her age but doesnt matter try these -hug her while she does this and try to distract her by saying jokes or a song
BOREDOM!!! this sounds like she might need company some freinds ....
about locking the door- not sure try maybe a countdown?
good luck!
feeling for you

lk1234

Wed, Jan 30 2013, 9:47 am

to the op with the 4 year old who is kvetching- I would also start giving her jobs around the house. Don't make it into a fight but just ask her if she can please help you with the kugel or please wash the dishes. Don't give her job you know she doesnt like, like clean up the toys. Give her a big girl job. Put the potatoes in the food processor. That will mkae her feel less like a baby that is kvetching. It'll give her a new identity. That's what you want to do- give her a new way of looking at herself. When she does advanced type jobs you'll also see how capable she is and treat her accordingly.

Don't start getting into a fight about doing the jobs. Just invite her to help you. If she says no, that fine. But just offer her- can you please vacuum, can you please set the table with the forks and spoons. Can you please empty the dishwasher. These are all things that my 3-4 year olds can do, and do with pride.

amother

Sun, Dec 29 2013, 8:05 pm

Op here:

I put my daughter back in school, with a regular everyday routine, and guess what?

she is back to her normal self, no more kvetching except for normal kid stuff, and she is so much happier!!

whats my point? homeschooling is just not for every kid, and every Mom.

she needed the structure to get out, and have some friends, have a lunch box, and come home in the evening and go to bed like a regular school girl,

all I can say is b"h!

thanks everyone for the advice!

amother