Saw friend's nanny...

wispalover

Mon, Feb 03 2014, 1:36 pm

Barbara wrote:

Ah. But we have no clue if she was shmoozing. She could have been making or cancelling a playdate. Or telling someone she'll have to call them back. OP states that she doesn't know how long he sitter was on the phone.

So your dentist calls to confirm your appointment. You confirm it in a 90 second conversation. Someone sees you and reports to your boss that you are shmoozing on the phone and neglecting your work obligations. That okay?

For all we know, she was on the phone to the childs' mother asking what to do in this situation. OP- how does your DH know what the nanny looks like? Or was he assuming it was the nanny from the child? Are you 100% sure it was their child and nanny? My DH wouldn't know what someone elses nanny looked like if she smacked him in the face. So.. is there any chance that there also could have been a misplaced identity?

Look. We all do things that might not be our proudest parenting moments; for all we know, this nanny was just acting like one of us and trying to grab a quick chat with her mother, or sister. If, as parents, we think it is ok to do this, then for a nanny it should be ok too. Yes, she is getting paid, but honestly, if my nanny decided to make a quick call while my baby was screaming in a stroller on the way home from somewhere I'd rather she spoke to someone to calm her down than got agitated and frustrated.

Also, the mother may have given her nanny permission for short, quick personal phonecalls. I would have no problem with a nanny making a quick call while she watched my child, if need be. Can you imagine gong 9-10 hours watching a few kids with no computer, no phone or no communication with the outside world?

groisamomma

Mon, Feb 03 2014, 2:08 pm

I wouldn't say anything, unless you know it happens constantly and that the mother didn't give the nanny permission to be on the phone. I tell my cleaning lady that as long as she cleans she can schmooze on her phone (using an earpiece) and when dh came home one time and heard her talking he mentioned it to me, thinking she wasn't doing her job. I didn't care. Could be the mother was okay with it because she knows her kid has a tendency to scream and the nanny schmoozes for the distraction. It could be anything, really.

momtra

Mon, Feb 03 2014, 2:18 pm

I think an important variable is if the nanny has been working for the family for a while or is new. What you described is not egregious , but I think any information about someone new is important.As someone who has a nanny,
I always appreciate feedback from neighbors , and then I do with the information what I feel is right.

ascsam

Mon, Feb 03 2014, 2:18 pm

The real problem is that this happened a while ago. The mother could very well have been on the phone with the nanny. Is she going to remember exactly? No. So she'll be left with a vague "nanny is screwing up & not taking care of toddler" scenario. Could contribute to loss of income/bad name for nanny.

rachel91

Tue, Feb 04 2014, 5:40 am

amother wrote:

Maybe he cries when his mother leaves every day and the only thing that calms him is going for a walk, but he continues crying for the first couple of minutes.

Maybe he naps in the stroller and he cries for two minutes before he falls asleep.

Maybe he wanted another cookie and she said no and tried soothing him but he kept tantruming.

I don't know if the nanny was schmoozing on the phone or talking to the child's mother or what.

I think those are pretty valid. Certainly stuff I've done with my own kids, and I try hard to minimize crying but with toddlers it can be unavoidable.

I agree with this post! A toddler is allowed to cry sometimes btw...and don't say anything to your friend.

mommy24

Tue, Feb 04 2014, 10:30 pm

My babies love to be outside and I live on a fairly busy block, so ppl I know and their babysitters are always walking up or down. Many times I see babysitters on the phone not paying any attention to a crying baby/toddler. Once I was talking to an aquaintance (sp?) and mentioned how imppressed I was that her babysitter really paid attention to her kids, especially when walking the baby in the stroller, she would always be in conversation with them. This friend told me she was so happy that I told her that becuz she was thinking of getting rid of the babysitter, but thinking abt what I said changed her mind, and they are still happy together, many years later.

I have told other mothers that I meet that I have seen their babysitter on phone when kid is crying. the mother can take it how she likes, if it was me I would want to know. It doesn't mean that the mother will automatically get rid of the babysitter, but she may take a closer look at how she interacts with her kids. and then decide from there what to do.