megilla with small kids

granolamom

Thu, Feb 13 2014, 8:45 pm

amother wrote:

For some people this is really tough. Was once at a women's reading and had the unfortunate experience of sitting near a woman with a toddler. She gave the toddler her keys and he made so much noise with them, I had trouble hearing.

I didn't say anything because as it was, she looked as if she was gonna cry. Perhaps her dh had to work and she had no one to watch her kid. I won't judge her.

But I do often wonder, what r ppl in tough situations expected to do? It can be stressful.

hire a babysitter.
find someone to lain megillah in your home or go to someone who has arranged a home-laining while your dh is around. pair up with a neighbor, you watch her kids and she can watch yours while you two go to different minyanim.
there are plenty of solutions. difficult situations require some creativity sometimes.

ElTam

Thu, Feb 13 2014, 8:56 pm

I have been in the situation of having to take kids to a megillah reading. When DD1 and DD2 were small, before DS was born, my DH was in a horrible work situation. No caring about family responsibilities, no taking a paid day off after weeks of him putting in 10 to 20 hours a week of overtime. He had just enough days of vacation for the Yom Tovim that he absolutely could not work on. I was a SAHM, and if he had lost that job, we would have had no income. After speaking to a rav, we worked out that he heard megillah before he went to work, then came home in time for a last-minute seuda. It was awful, because who was I going to get to watch my kids on Purim? No one has time. So I went to megillah with two little kids (1 and 3, 2 and 4, 3 and 5, until Baruch HaShem my husband got a new job and can take off Purim). I was on the verge of tears most of those megillah readings because I was trying to keep my kids quiet. (I went to a kid friendly megillah reading, but still, I needed to hear and so did the other moms there. I was never not aware of that reality.)

So if you are at a megillah reading and see someone there with kids, please try to be DLKZ. She may not have any other options.

granolamom

Thu, Feb 13 2014, 9:27 pm

could be I am spoiled by living in a large community where its relatively easy to find someone willing to lain in one's home when in situations like the one you describe.
I do try to be dlkz, but I admit to getting irritated when I have to go to another laining because someones kids made so much noise I couldnt hear. then my whole day gets set back and sometimes my life is crazy too especially when I am hosting purim seuda.
I think purim is a very stressful holiday, I wonder why rabbis dont cut women with extreme childcare responsibilities some slack when it comes to the chiyuv of hearing megillah both evening and morning. I wonder why a rabbi would prefer to gamble with the chiyuv of all the women there rather than absolve the one woman whose children they are. I have no idea how halacha works when it comes to heterim, so maybe that's why I dont understand this.
its just one of those things that leave me scratching my head.

anyway, this thread wasnt about women who have few options for childcare on purim and whether they should bring them to shul, the original premise was about the children's experience. which is a very different story.

summer0808

Thu, Feb 13 2014, 10:07 pm

granola, you don't need a heter. Megilla is a zman grama. You don't get an avaira for not going. But like shofar, it is a once a year mitzvah and of course we ladies had a major part in the geula so the ladies make an all out effort to attend. The mitzvah though is to listen to every single word.

Maybe I'm a stick in the mud but, it's such a mchaya to go to a private or in shul ladies reading. Everyone comes real serious. They only bring the bigger kids and everyone is super quiet. It starts usually about 1/2 hour after davening is over so the men can be home with the babies.

It is also quick. They lein we stamp a little at Haman and I can concentrate the whole time. If you go to the main leining, OH MY. The Purim shtick and all and it takes twice as long so you lose your concentration!

I think there is also a cultural divide between the chasidishe/yeshivishe in the big communities in EY, NY & Lakewood. There is always more readings later. In Lakewood there is a long list published of 2nd readings in shuls and private houses. IN BP, Shomer Shabbos has leinings every hour most of the night and most of the day!!!

I get from this thread and other old ones that those who live OOT in small 'COMMUNITIES' there are communal Purim parties, not everyone is willing to sit for 45-60 minutes to listen to reading in a language theyre not fluent in. And then if there is a 2nd reading, people are anxious to start the party. I get the picture, but the bottom line is; Children are not mchuyav and every lady is. So who belongs there your 4 year old or every other Mommy? I made arrangements, why don't you?

rzab

Thu, Feb 13 2014, 11:31 pm

Megilah reading is late also. Especially this year, being after shabbos.
Usually DH goes to Megilah and then I go to a second reading. I kind of feel bad that my kids miss the carnival at shul, but I'm not sure there is another way around it.
On purim day, when they read the megilah multiple times, we each go to our own megilah reading and then one of us takes the older kids (4 yrs old) to shul to hear megilah until they had enough. this way they get to hear/make noise at haman and no one is worried about missing out on the mitzvah.

rzab

Thu, Feb 13 2014, 11:34 pm

summer0808 wrote:

you should double check that- im pretty sure it has nothing to do with zman grama- we only apply that klal to a mitzvah de'orayta. it may be time bound, but im pretty sure the heter doesn't exist for a mitzvah d'rabbanan.

shabbatiscoming

Fri, Feb 14 2014, 3:24 am

rzab wrote:

I dont know by you, but I just checked and shabbat ends, that week, 6:24. Thats not all that late. I checked perth, over at 7:!2 and new york 7:44. A bit later thank Israel, but no kids have school the next day, so its not all that late (I think)

Isramom8

Fri, Feb 14 2014, 6:17 am

rena18 wrote:

I was told that if one doesn't hear a word or words, you can read those words yourself and still be yotzai
hearing the megillah. Ask your LOR.

I was told that if you do this it's better to be reading from a complete Tanach (or kosher megillah). So if you have a small one at home and you expect noise, bring that to megillah leining.

saw50st8

Fri, Feb 14 2014, 6:25 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

My kids are a wreck if they aren't in bed by 6:30-7. There is no way they are going to a night reading.

Marion

Fri, Feb 14 2014, 8:21 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

That's nice. First megilla in our shul won't be until at least 7:30. G-d forbid they should read it right after ma'ariv and the kids not come in costume. And the ba'al koreh has to go home first (a 20 minute walk) to make havdalah for his family (again, G-d forbid people should hear havdalah in shul...not just the ba'al koreh's family). By the time they start it will be 8:00, which is too late for my kids. By the time they finish, and give the ba'al koreh his half hour break in between, the women's laining will start around 9:45/10:00. It always does.

amother

Mon, Mar 24 2014, 3:40 pm

Just to follow up. I had the misfortune to sit beside a woman holding her 5 year old daughter, behind her 8 year old son. The daughter wanted some water and was complaining/almost crying. Obviously her mother couldn't leave (though really she should have and dealt with the consequences) & the daughter kept trying to convince her mother & brother to go get water with/for her. So the daughter is talking to the mother, the mother to the daughter, the daughter to the son, the son to the daughter, the mother to the son *and* the son to the mother. I'm pretty sure I caught every word, but who knows? B'dieved at best. There's just no calling for it. Oh, and another woman brought her 7 year old grandson who was coloring and occasionally yelling.

What am I supposed to do, wander around town and hope to find a Chabad reading?! My husband went to the 2nd reading, and me to the 3rd. I guess next year, I'm waking up next year at 6 to hit up the netz minyan.

Totally uncalled for, ladies. Find a better way. It's my mitzvah, please don't mess with it.