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Forum
-> Household Management
-> Finances
wonderwoman101
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Mon, Aug 25 2014, 10:57 pm
My stepfather came to me today asking to borrow 20k which he plans to pay back in a year. He also asked me not to mention anything to my mother, which I'm not too happy about.
I discussed with DH but we can't come to a decision. We kinda feel obligated to help of course because it's my parents and we are very close to them but this isn't just a couple of hundred dollars...
What would you do?
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mummiedearest
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Mon, Aug 25 2014, 11:02 pm
I would need to know what it is for, and why you can't tell your mom. this sounds fishy. I would be very hesitant to loan that amount. if it's for something specific, perhaps you could make payments directly to the people he needs to pay. but that's a huge loan.
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groovy1224
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Mon, Aug 25 2014, 11:03 pm
I wouldn't touch that with a 50 foot pole. Asking to borrow 20 grand, and then dictating who may be told about it? Nuh uh. Your mom needs to be in the loop about this.
If he agrees to tell her, and she agrees to accept the loan,I would say to only give it if you can accept the possibility that you'll never see that money again. Call it a donation in your own head.
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Dev80
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Tue, Aug 26 2014, 4:46 am
We had an experience where some one trustworthy stole a loan from us....here are the things we learned:
-Consult daas torah. We didn't think to ask a rav since it was a different rav asking for the loan, but after looking into it a few certain rav told us he would have told us not to give it b/c of things he knew about the one asking for a loan and our own family rav who we trust said he would have told us not to give it. Had the rabbanim told us to give it we would have and then they'd have made sure we did it properly (see item 3)
-gemach's exist for a reason. They require cosigners/guarantors, and have methods to get the money back. 20k is a LOT.
-If you do decide to go for a loan, make a shtar/contract with payment terms. Again maybe do this with daas torah. But like others said, if you won't necessarily feel comfortable putting on pressure to be paid possibly don't expect the $$ back.
But I go back to # 1 - consult a rav!
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IMHopinion
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Tue, Aug 26 2014, 5:03 am
Only lend money to people if you can afford to lost that amount.
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Chayalle
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Tue, Aug 26 2014, 9:32 am
Dev80 wrote: | We had an experience where some one trustworthy stole a loan from us....here are the things we learned:
-Consult daas torah. We didn't think to ask a rav since it was a different rav asking for the loan, but after looking into it a few certain rav told us he would have told us not to give it b/c of things he knew about the one asking for a loan and our own family rav who we trust said he would have told us not to give it. Had the rabbanim told us to give it we would have and then they'd have made sure we did it properly (see item 3)
-gemach's exist for a reason. They require cosigners/guarantors, and have methods to get the money back. 20k is a LOT.
-If you do decide to go for a loan, make a shtar/contract with payment terms. Again maybe do this with daas torah. But like others said, if you won't necessarily feel comfortable putting on pressure to be paid possibly don't expect the $$ back.
But I go back to # 1 - consult a rav! |
All of this.
We loaned money twice to siblings when they were buying a home. Each time with a shtar, including repayment date, etc...and B"H were successful (I.e. the loan was repaid in a timely manner).
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morah
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Tue, Aug 26 2014, 9:48 am
Two separate issues here. Assuming I had the ability and the person is trustworthy, I would do so and make sure all my halachik t's are crossed. Remember, even a trustworthy person may run up against circumstances that make them unable to pay, so know you run that risk and be prepared to be ok with a loss if it happens. This is common sense for any loan you might give.
But now, you have an issue in that something sounds not kosher. Maybe he ch'v is ill and is misguidedly attempting to hide it from his dw, in which case he's wrong, but not up to no good. But let's be real, there are many more unfortunate possibilities. You tell him you are not lending a nickel without knowing what it's for and that, barring a reason so good I couldn't possibly imagine it on my own, mom must know.
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SRS
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Tue, Aug 26 2014, 10:17 am
NO, NO, NO, and NO. Only lend what you can gift. Only lend what you can part with without anger. Couples must work together. There is a reason why many professionals insist on meeting with both parties in a couple. If your father is hiding this from his wife, you are in the middle of a shalom bayis issue. RUN.
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