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Forum
-> Interesting Discussions
amother
Saddlebrown
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Tue, Nov 17 2015, 12:31 pm
My grandmother who I was very close to was niftar the morning of our wedding Was a crazy emotional day. I wanted him to know that we were going to have a "normal" wedding, so I mouthed "I'm ok" to him
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shoshana2
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Tue, Nov 17 2015, 12:58 pm
Under the chuppah Dh whispered that I should pay attention to the Brachos because I was davening from a paper with names.
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amother
Tangerine
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Tue, Nov 17 2015, 1:21 pm
shoshana2 wrote: | Under the chuppah Dh whispered that I should pay attention to the Brachos because I was davening from a paper with names. |
DH Rosh Yeshiva who was our Mesader Kiddushin told me to put the papers away with the names. Now is the time to daven for yourself he told me.
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observer
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Tue, Nov 17 2015, 1:29 pm
lakewood mom wrote: | I'm probably gonna get bashed for this (and rightfully so!) but if one of the points of badeken is to make sure you're marrying the right person- how do the chassidish chassanim know the difference if they never see their kallahs throughout their engagement? (Obviously I'm not referring to all chassidim- just the ones that don't see each other...) In some Rebbish circles, the engagement can last a year! |
The shvigger tells them of course!
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amother
Mint
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Tue, Nov 17 2015, 2:23 pm
amother wrote: | My grandmother who I was very close to was niftar the morning of our wedding Was a crazy emotional day. I wanted him to know that we were going to have a "normal" wedding, so I mouthed "I'm ok" to him |
that is so sad
my dh didn't say anything we just smiled at each other we were so excited!
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amother
Lilac
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Tue, Nov 17 2015, 2:33 pm
Dh whispered my name longingly, and added a nickname: "Shira'le".. That's all he had time for before he was whisked away- but it was enough
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amother
Tan
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Tue, Nov 17 2015, 3:04 pm
Shuly wrote: | I've never heard of the chosson not doing the badeken. Is that common? |
I just found out that bobov chassanim don't badek only the two fathers badek the kalla
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user2
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Tue, Nov 17 2015, 3:16 pm
lakewood mom wrote: | I'm probably gonna get bashed for this (and rightfully so!) but if one of the points of badeken is to make sure you're marrying the right person- how do the chassidish chassanim know the difference if they never see their kallahs throughout their engagement? (Obviously I'm not referring to all chassidim- just the ones that don't see each other...) In some Rebbish circles, the engagement can last a year! |
we do have pictures....
(though after only 2 beshows , you thimk theres a difference between girl a and girl b?! )
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amother
Maroon
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Tue, Nov 17 2015, 6:21 pm
gold21 wrote: |
Wow, never heard of a father badeking a daughter. I thought it was halacha from yaakov avinu with leah and rochel, that we learn a chosson badeks his wife. You learn something new every day... |
Badeken is not halacha but minhag. I would think that the part harking to yaakov is that the chosson looks at his bride before the ceremony, not that he's the one to cover her face. Don't forget, leah was veiled at her wedding, which is why the switch was able to take place. Much good any of it does--between badeken and the chuppah there's a huge gap during which the couple are separated, so if anyone wanted to switch brides they have a perfect window of oppty to do so. Especially in chassidish weddings in which the kallah wears a fully opaque cloth over her face. Less so in more modern weddings in which the veil is transparent and the chosson, if he keeps his eyes open, would know immediately that someone had pulled a switcheroo.
. At least some edot hamizrach don't do badeken at all. The bride wears a veil but there is no ceremony in which the chosson comes to her and puts it over her face.
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suremom
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Tue, Nov 17 2015, 7:23 pm
by chassidim chosson doesnt ask kallah if she wants to marry him. So by badeking the kallah and her not protesting she is consenting on marrying him. Like if a stranger would do it to you, you would protest... So if fathers badek I wonder when kallah gives her consent? Do they ask outright?
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amother
Floralwhite
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Tue, Nov 17 2015, 8:54 pm
amother wrote: | My grandmother who I was very close to was niftar the morning of our wedding Was a crazy emotional day. I wanted him to know that we were going to have a "normal" wedding, so I mouthed "I'm ok" to him |
This post brought tears to my eyes.
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cnc
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Tue, Nov 17 2015, 9:00 pm
suremom wrote: | by chassidim chosson doesnt ask kallah if she wants to marry him. So by badeking the kallah and her not protesting she is consenting on marrying him. Like if a stranger would do it to you, you would protest... So if fathers badek I wonder when kallah gives her consent? Do they ask outright? |
I most certainly gave my consent before I got engaged. I was specifically asked in front of my then chosson to be.
If a Kallah signs a t'noim does that constitute consent?
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sushi galore
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Tue, Nov 17 2015, 9:16 pm
suremom wrote: | by chassidim chosson doesnt ask kallah if she wants to marry him. So by badeking the kallah and her not protesting she is consenting on marrying him. Like if a stranger would do it to you, you would protest... So if fathers badek I wonder when kallah gives her consent? Do they ask outright? |
OMG! I don't know where you picked this up from. I don't know if you're chassidic or not. But that's really irrelevant. Do you know the idea of an engagement? Why is there an engagement first vs. getting married right away? (I don't mean because you have to get ready for the affair with fancy to do) an engagement is a consent from both boy and girl that they agree to marry each other. A badeken is for the boy to be able to identify his kalla (that's why the kallah's wear their hair.) This I believe is taken from this week's parsha when lovon cheated Yakov with Leah.
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cnc
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Tue, Nov 17 2015, 10:45 pm
sushi galore wrote: | OMG! I don't know where you picked this up from. I don't know if you're chassidic or not. But that's really irrelevant. Do you know the idea of an engagement? Why is there an engagement first vs. getting married right away? (I don't mean because you have to get ready for the affair with fancy to do) an engagement is a consent from both boy and girl that they agree to marry each other. A badeken is for the boy to be able to identify his kalla (that's why the kallah's wear their hair.) This I believe is taken from this week's parsha when lovon cheated Yakov with Leah. |
I was also wondering why she connected the two concepts...when there is no connection.
But, what do you mean "that is why kallahs wear their hair"? Are you saying as opposed to a sheitel? Because that's not necessarily the case.
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LiLIsraeli
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Tue, Nov 17 2015, 11:00 pm
sushi galore wrote: | OMG! I don't know where you picked this up from. I don't know if you're chassidic or not. But that's really irrelevant. Do you know the idea of an engagement? Why is there an engagement first vs. getting married right away? (I don't mean because you have to get ready for the affair with fancy to do) an engagement is a consent from both boy and girl that they agree to marry each other. A badeken is for the boy to be able to identify his kalla (that's why the kallah's wear their hair.) This I believe is taken from this week's parsha when lovon cheated Yakov with Leah. |
The chosson and kallah do a kinyan. Badeken has nothing to do with it.
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seeker
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Wed, Nov 18 2015, 2:59 am
amother wrote: | Badeken is not halacha but minhag. I would think that the part harking to yaakov is that the chosson looks at his bride before the ceremony, not that he's the one to cover her face. Don't forget, leah was veiled at her wedding, which is why the switch was able to take place. Much good any of it does--between badeken and the chuppah there's a huge gap during which the couple are separated, so if anyone wanted to switch brides they have a perfect window of oppty to do so. Especially in chassidish weddings in which the kallah wears a fully opaque cloth over her face. Less so in more modern weddings in which the veil is transparent and the chosson, if he keeps his eyes open, would know immediately that someone had pulled a switcheroo.
. At least some edot hamizrach don't do badeken at all. The bride wears a veil but there is no ceremony in which the chosson comes to her and puts it over her face. |
I'm totally not following this line of conversation at all because by every wedding I have been close enough to see, including my own, the veil is lifted for a second just enough for the chosson to see to confirm the kallah's identity before completing the kiddushin under the chuppah. Point being to prevent a Rachel/Leah switcheroo. I don't remember hearing any other version and frankly the other version doesn't make sense to me (look at her before the bedeken? As you said there can be a switch between then and the chuppah... though I have seen some customs go straight from one to the other)
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cuffs
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Wed, Nov 18 2015, 3:04 am
rimon613 wrote: | Usually the groom says some words to the bride at the badeken and when he comes to take her to the chuppah. He lifts up her veil and tells her something and sometimes the woman says a few words too. What did your husband and you tell eachother at the badeken and when he came to take you to the chuppah? |
We made up not to say anything just smile and say mazel tov cuz we knew 100s of people are looking and listening to what we are saying and doing.
Actually that moment when we looked at each other at the badekin is my favorite picture. It looks so deep and stunning.
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bigblueyes
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Wed, Nov 18 2015, 6:13 am
We just beamed at eachother! I was bouncing up and down with excitement after not seeing him for a week!
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Ilovechoumous
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Wed, Nov 18 2015, 6:35 am
you've got lipstick on your teeth
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