Eye contact | Imamother

amother

Papaya

Mon, Jan 11 2016, 11:19 pm

When talking to a person face to face, what is the correct way of looking at them? I look at the eyes and mouth. Is this the socially acceptable way of looking at someone when conversing?

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jan 12 2016, 9:16 am

If your are neurotypical and not on the Autism spectrum, then it will vary. Eye contact is a cultural thing, and will change depending on who you are talking to. The best thing to do is to mirror the other person, as that will make them the most comfortable.

You mention that you look at their mouth. Have you had your hearing tested lately? I ask this, because I lost about 75% of my hearing when I was a child, and I taught myself to lipread. I find that if people don't know what I'm doing, it can make them very uncomfortable until I explain what's going on. They often think they've lost an earring, because my eyes are focused so intently on that area!

I make an effort to look from lips to eyes, but it's hard for me, because I don't want to miss what someone is saying, and there is so much emotional context you can pick up from watching someone's eyes while they speak.

If I had to live in a culture where you are not supposed to look directly at the person who is speaking to you, I'd have an extremely hard time. By the same token, people who "stare" at me when they talk don't bother me in the least! If I were shy, I'm sure it would freak me out.