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-> Parenting our children
amother
Aqua
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Tue, Feb 16 2016, 5:42 pm
My son cannot multi-task, at least to the best of my knowledge. I know a lot of the male population aren't adept at multi-tasking but this is extreme.
Everything takes forever but the main issue is that whenever he talks, which is a lot of the time he cannot do anything else at all. He's always the last to finish his food as he cannot carry a conversation whilst eating. I feel bad to tell him that he can't talk to me during breakfast but there is no way he will be ready for school otherwise. At the Shabbos meal he always finishes his plate long after everyone else.
Any way I can help him?
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amother
Aqua
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Wed, Feb 17 2016, 7:32 am
It just occurred to me that most people try to get their kids to STOP talking whilst they're eating, whilst I'm trying to do the opposite.
Well, not quite the opposite, but I'd like him to be able to table-talk without forgetting about the food in front of him. Anyone else have a child that is so hyper-focused that he cannot do anything else whilst talking?
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5*Mom
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Wed, Feb 17 2016, 8:56 am
amother wrote: | It just occurred to me that most people try to get their kids to STOP talking whilst they're eating, whilst I'm trying to do the opposite.
Well, not quite the opposite, but I'd like him to be able to table-talk without forgetting about the food in front of him. Anyone else have a child that is so hyper-focused that he cannot do anything else whilst talking? |
I am like that. I can't talk on the phone and wash dishes or do the laundry or bake a cake. I'll find myself standing still with the baking soda poised above the bowl, suspended in midair as I focus deeply on what I'm saying and what my conversation partner is saying. That's just the way I am. It hurts my brain to multi-task because I invest a lot of myself in each individual thing that I do and I don't switch back and forth easily. Some of my kids are like this and others are better at multitasking. Each has its benefits and its drawbacks. At this point in my life I, and my family, have learned to accept that this is who I am and this is how my brain works. I don't think it's a skill that can be taught, but that's just my opinion, not scientific fact.
Last edited by 5*Mom on Wed, Feb 17 2016, 9:02 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Aqua
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Wed, Feb 17 2016, 9:01 am
5*Mom wrote: | I am like that. I can't talk on the phone and wash dishes or do the laundry or bake a cake. I'll find myself standing still with the baking soda poised above the bowl, suspended in midair as I focus deeply on what I'm saying and what my conversation partner is saying. That's just the way I am. It hurts my brain to multi-task because I invest a lot of myself in each individual thing that I do and I don't switch back and forth easily. Some of my kids are like this and others are better at multitasking. Each has its benefits and its drawbacks. After 4+ decades I, and my family, have learned to accept that this is who I am and this is how my brain works. I don't think it's a skill that can be taught, but that's just my opinion, not scientific fact. |
Thanks for sharing. I appreciate that. Does it affect your day-to-day life? Is it completely quiet at your dinner table? DS likes sharing a lot and I feel bad telling him to 'postpone' his sharing but I really need him to be able to function in a timely manner. Talking delays him terribly.
Any suggestions?
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5*Mom
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Wed, Feb 17 2016, 9:10 am
amother wrote: | Thanks for sharing. I appreciate that. Does it affect your day-to-day life? Is it completely quiet at your dinner table? DS likes sharing a lot and I feel bad telling him to 'postpone' his sharing but I really need him to be able to function in a timely manner. Talking delays him terribly.
Any suggestions? |
Sure it does. I'm less efficient at certain things than I want to be and because I have a busy household I do wish I had an easier time of switching back and forth between tasks or thoughts without losing the thread of what I was originally doing, but on the flip side, I like the part of me that gives so much of myself at a time.
Quiet at our dinner table?? Lol! I will sometimes have to tell the littler kids that it's time to stop talking now and just eat but there's always someone else waiting to say something. We just allow more time for dinner.
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amother
Slategray
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Wed, Feb 17 2016, 9:12 am
My father has this issue- my mother has long had to deal with his being the last one sitting there with a full plate while kids are finished and itching to leave the table to play.
Could you have a set amount of time for each person to talk about their day (or the parsha or whatever you/they prefer)- if it's someone else's turn to talk, he has to be eating. That way he can talk uninterrupted when it's his turn, and if there's time set aside for general conversation, but will have a chance to eat as well.
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amother
Aqua
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Wed, Feb 17 2016, 11:52 am
5*Mom wrote: | Sure it does. I'm less efficient at certain things than I want to be and because I have a busy household I do wish I had an easier time of switching back and forth between tasks or thoughts without losing the thread of what I was originally doing, but on the flip side, I like the part of me that gives so much of myself at a time.
Quiet at our dinner table?? Lol! I will sometimes have to tell the littler kids that it's time to stop talking now and just eat but there's always someone else waiting to say something. We just allow more time for dinner. |
OP here. It just seems to be taking over his life quite a bit and I wish there was something I could do about it. I've been thinking about it and realise it's not so much about multi-tasking, although that might also be part of it, it's more about being hyper-focused whilst conversing.
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amother
Aqua
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Wed, Feb 17 2016, 12:00 pm
amother wrote: | My father has this issue- my mother has long had to deal with his being the last one sitting there with a full plate while kids are finished and itching to leave the table to play.
Could you have a set amount of time for each person to talk about their day (or the parsha or whatever you/they prefer)- if it's someone else's turn to talk, he has to be eating. That way he can talk uninterrupted when it's his turn, and if there's time set aside for general conversation, but will have a chance to eat as well. |
OP here. We're a small family so it's actually mostly just him and his little brother (who doesn't really require a turn) by the table. By the Shabbos meal we take turns and generally let him speak between courses but I constantly need to remind him to eat. Breakfast is quite rushed as he takes forever over it and I can't tell him to finish eating first and talk after as there would be no time for that.
Obviously we can work around the issue but I'd love to know if there is any way to diffuse the hyper-focus and teach him to manage spoonfuls between conversation. Once he's finished saying what he wanted to I actually need to remind him that he's meant to be eating.
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amother
Gray
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Wed, Feb 17 2016, 12:09 pm
OP I could have written ur post myself. Ds is 11. The problem is that when everyone finishes their plate he doesn't wanna be the only one left eating. I make sure he doesn't sit by himself at the table. Sometimes at breakfast I make him eat by himself. I tell him its not a punishment, I just want him to concentrate on finishing his plate. Lately he is dressed before the others and starts eating before everyone else does. But the second the table gets full he starts talking.... also he seems to be putting down his fork all the time.
I don't make an issue out of it. As long as he's ready on time to go to school and eats well.
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bigsis144
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Wed, Feb 17 2016, 12:12 pm
I remember reading that there's no such thing as "multi-tasking", just fragmenting your attention to switch more rapidly between focusing on one thing and then another and then back to thing 1 and then to thing 3 then back to thing 2...
Does your DS have trouble "holding that thought" when interrupted? Is it frustrating for him to put an unfinished task/conversation "on the shelf" because he won't remember the details when he has the chance to get back to it, or is it just because he just doesn't want to stop in the middle to begin with?
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5*Mom
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Wed, Feb 17 2016, 12:18 pm
amother wrote: | OP here. It just seems to be taking over his life quite a bit and I wish there was something I could do about it. I've been thinking about it and realise it's not so much about multi-tasking, although that might also be part of it, it's more about being hyper-focused whilst conversing. |
I get that it's difficult because it interferes with your rushed schedule, but it's really the rushed schedule that's the problem, not his needing to focus exclusively on his conversation. Every personality trait will have its benefits and drawbacks. Don't think of this as a dysfunction or a handicap because it isn't. It's a normal variation in brain processing.
You haven't mentioned how old your son is.
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amother
Coral
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Wed, Feb 17 2016, 1:45 pm
My DH is like that too. He completely forget to eat at the Shabbos meal because someone was telling a dvar Torah or a story and he was too busy listening to eat. He's always the only one left with a full plate when everyone else is done.
To quote Judge Judy, "Men can't walk and chew gum simultaneously." That's life.
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amother
Aqua
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Sun, Mar 27 2016, 7:40 am
OP here. I just had a thought that perhaps learning to play a musical instrument will help his brain multi-task better. What do you guys think?
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amother
Slategray
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Sun, Mar 27 2016, 7:49 am
No clue if learning music helps with multi-tasking, but I don't see how it could hurt.
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chani8
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Sun, Mar 27 2016, 9:07 am
Physical exercise, a healthy diet, vit D3, and specifically chosen computer games.
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Daniellast
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Sun, Mar 27 2016, 9:37 am
I don't think it has to do with multi tasking. It sounds more like my kids, they just remember now so many things to tell me that they want to pack it all out in one go. Don't forget meal time is a sociable setting. It could also have to do with the fact that they don't enjoy the food so much that they procrastinate the eating and rather socialize.
I tell my kids, I want to hear everyones stories and questions, however since it's against halacha to talk whilst eating as it's dangerous, I'm giving 10/15 mins to finish eating. Then we'll have turns talking. It works wonders. Everyone eats up in no time.
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amother
Aqua
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Sun, Mar 27 2016, 9:51 am
Daniellast wrote: | I don't think it has to do with multi tasking. It sounds more like my kids, they just remember now so many things to tell me that they want to pack it all out in one go. Don't forget meal time is a sociable setting. It could also have to do with the fact that they don't enjoy the food so much that they procrastinate the eating and rather socialize.
I tell my kids, I want to hear everyones stories and questions, however since it's against halacha to talk whilst eating as it's dangerous, I'm giving 10/15 mins to finish eating. Then we'll have turns talking. It works wonders. Everyone eats up in no time. |
Daniellast, it's definitely not only about eating as he gets delayed with other activities too. Getting dressed, carrying out other tasks etc. In fact, he can't do anything whilst he's talking...
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amother
Powderblue
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Sun, Mar 27 2016, 10:34 am
5*mom- I'm like that but I find that I can't talk to my child when I doing even something simple like getting ready shabbos. It's so incredibly inefficient and I have to often tell her I can't talk to you now since I won't be able to answer you coherently, how do you run a household!
to op my daughter is doing a "program" with her OT that's supposed to work on it. it has her bouncing one or two balls in specific ways while having to do other things like read letters simultaneously. It's too early to tell you how beneficial it is.
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Tzutzie
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Sun, Mar 27 2016, 2:45 pm
amother wrote: | 5*mom- I'm like that but I find that I can't talk to my child when I doing even something simple like getting ready shabbos. It's so incredibly inefficient and I have to often tell her I can't talk to you now since I won't be able to answer you coherently, how do you run a household!
to op my daughter is doing a "program" with her OT that's supposed to work on it. it has her bouncing one or two balls in specific ways while having to do other things like read letters simultaneously. It's too early to tell you how beneficial it is. |
I did that for presumed visual processing issues (was something else I won't go into on an open forum) to date I'm a master multitasker. maybe because of that?
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