FOR 40/50'S MOTHERS- What has relieved your stress?

su7kids

Mon, May 28 2007, 4:43 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

What do you mean?

Mother born in the 1940's, or mothers who have had babies into their 40's?

In case she's referring to mothers who are in their 40's and 50's, let me say that life's experience of knowing that we're all going to "make" it for the most part, and picking my battles and picking things I want to get worked up about it has helped.

Setting up your home for the least stress is also helpful.

Coming to an understanding that ANGER is just me not getting MY way, has helped me to drop my anger. I have come to terms with the fact that *I* don't run the world (yes, it took a while to work that out) and that regardless of what I do, Hashem is in charge, so I may as well defer to His judgement.

Must of the things that caused stress were me wanting less work to do, for example, getting upset because a kid spilled something.... I didn't want to clean it up. It was NOT that the child was doing it DAVKA.

Learning what is NORMAL for each age group was also very helpful.

If those are not helpful, tell us what exactly is CAUSING your stress, and we can discuss it.

amother

Wed, May 30 2007, 12:52 pm

Quote:

If those are not helpful, tell us what exactly is CAUSING your stress, and we can discuss it.

My young teenage daughter's Chutzpah and worse than that, my husband's telling me just to ignore it, it'll get better.

It hasn't gotten better, over the years, and NOTHING has helped so far. He says therapists don't have magic solutions...........For example, when a therapist once told him to ask her to do a household chore once a week, it lasted for about two weeks. He can't ask a child to do anything. I'd have to have the therapist in my house forcing him...........

My husband can't be firm. It goes against his grain. He's too soft with her. He agrees to her every whim. This results in me being the meanie parent.

That's it, summarized.

su7kids

Wed, May 30 2007, 1:03 pm

amother wrote:

Quote:

If those are not helpful, tell us what exactly is CAUSING your stress, and we can discuss it.

Personally, I think it is worth being the meanie. I was often known as tshe mean mother, and I don't mind it at all. I showed my children as much love as I knew how, but when it came time to talking to me, there was NO WAY I would tolerate that kind of speech.

I think, with regard to chutzpa, you can tell her not to talk to you like that, because when she asks YOU for something, the answer is NO until she learns how to talk nicely.

Ignore it, not just by letting it go, but by reminding her that you are her mother and you do not DESERVE to be spoken to like that.

Teenage or not, I have resorted to soap in the mouth for bad mouth language and tone, etc. [that's probably get my kids taken away from me, nowadays!]

Or ask her to repeat what she wants to say to you in a more polite way, and reward her for it. (Something like you did when she was 3 and 4!!!)

It is very difficult with a husband who is not cooperative, but let me tell you, down the road, she will appreciate you.

Its worth hanging in there. Work on strengthening yourself and let your husband be whatever he chooses. That's where your therapy emphasis should be. Don't try to change him, work on yourself. It worked for me! (and now I'm happily married -- to the same guy!)