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-> Parenting our children
amother
Mauve
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Thu, Jul 14 2016, 3:42 pm
He often feels I don't trust him. He gets so upset. Ds is 7. I feel so bad. How can I turn this around. He has so many issues now. And feels so little. I want to make him feel good. He wasn't doing well in school. He will be diagnosed shortly. Till then I don't know how to handle him. And I get frustrated with him he always thinks he has to argue with me no matter what I say. I do think he feels I don't like him. I have recently started telling him that I love him no matter what he does I just don't like what he does and it frustrates me. I'm clearly need help and I am going to start soon. But till yen I need him to feel loved. I lose it on him. I just have a hard time with him. He has encopresis. So it could be this is what's causing his issues and he is somewhat socially awkward. He says things that he doesn't mean in a bad way. He is just using the wrong words. Help. I feel so lost. It makes me cry for my little boy. I have such a hard time just understanding his behavior. And I feel so alone.
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amother
Ecru
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Thu, Jul 14 2016, 3:48 pm
It's so hard when we know how much we love them and how much we are willing to do for them and they don't even know. I just watched this amazing lecture by Jennifer Kolari that I think might help you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q28IrZq14hk . It's long but so packed with content and she's easy to listen to. There's an MC first so skip to about the 8 minute mark.
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flowerpower
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Thu, Jul 14 2016, 4:00 pm
Try not to tell him anything negetive. Praise him in front of others using specific praise.
Have him be in charge of something in the house like giving out dessert or chosing the shabbos treat.
Ask him to "help you" with something. He will feel needed.
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tf
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Thu, Jul 14 2016, 4:09 pm
Call Eitza hotline. They should be able to help you with ideas until you start going for help.
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amother
Seashell
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Thu, Jul 14 2016, 5:50 pm
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amother
Mauve
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Thu, Jul 14 2016, 6:00 pm
Thank you so much for helping me I feel better just from your posts. I feel like people ( who I don't know) and are still willing to help. Thank you! I will call sits a hotline. I am familiar I didn't even think of it. And I will listen to the videos. I hope it's not a lost cause. It just gives me so much pain when I am so confused about him and I don't even know how to deal with him. He's so sweet at times that I wonder how these two things can be the same person. He's not a monster cvs' just interestingly socially auwkward
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FranticFrummie
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Thu, Jul 14 2016, 6:08 pm
First of all, good for you for reaching out, realizing you need help, and being open to suggestions. That's 90% of the parenting battle right there!
Having a challenging child, and with medical needs on top of it, is super hard. If you can't afford a therapist, try your local hospital. They will offer parenting classes, and often they are free or covered by your insurance.
When you feel like you are going to lose it, or you see that he is building up to a tantrum, put yourself in his shoes. Imagine what it must feel like to be him in that moment, and then let that frustration you're feeling turn into empathy instead. Get down on your knees, and look at the world from his height. Everything is so BIG! It's really scary down there.
You are not a hopeless case. Nobody is a hopeless case, unless they choose to be. If you want to do better, you WILL do better, as soon as you learn how. Help is out there!
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amother
Mauve
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Thu, Jul 14 2016, 6:23 pm
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crystal
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Thu, Jul 14 2016, 9:55 pm
What ff said, great post! I want to add one thing along those lines. When a child is upset or struggling with something we as adults know to be trivial, realize that for him/her it's as important as something legitimately upsetting to you. Their world is much smaller than ours. I heard this at a lecture once and it really changed my relationship with the children BH.
(I realize this is OT, not really a response to your questions, I just wanted to share what helped me though the issues were different, but thought maybe you can benefit from it as well).
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