Not nice comment. It hurts.

amother

Dodgerblue

Wed, Jul 27 2016, 7:16 am

Ds was in a new yeshiva. Has not been evaluated yet. Has social issues. So I can't help him. I don't know how. Had behavior issues in the new school. Towards the end of the year I didn't send him for the last 3 wks. His rebbe was not understanding him and I felt he was been meen to him and watching every move. Picking n him and driving him crazy. Then when ds went to shul. One of the kids that daven and go to same class. Said ' I always wanted they should kick you out'
They don't get along. It was such a sting to my heart. It was a very painful sting altogether that this rebbe hated my son. I would never hear anything positive from him. in my head whatever issues a child has they still have something positive. Anyway he hated my son. He lost control on us on the phone. To say the least I had a terrible experience. He got away with such horrible behavior. If I called him after he gave ds a note bec ds said ' the rebbe is crazy' and the Renee found out from the boys what he said. The. He got upset with me and blamed me that it's my fault that ds is misbehaving bec. I should not call a rebbe every time he sends a note. Just sign it. Knowing ds has behavior issues I wanted to clarify it.
I was so so hurt. For myself and ds. Ds is going to a different yeshiva that is a lot better.
Wouldn't this hurt you? What can I do that this boy's father and dh daven together and this man might be his rebbe one day he's in Chinuch. I don't know we are part of the same community. I think this boy also has social issues. Would you say something to the parents? This child keeps getting entangled with ds. I can call the father but not the mother. What would I say to him?

LisaS

Thu, Jul 28 2016, 3:54 am

I am so sorry for yours and your son's hurt!

I would call the father and in a very non-confrontational say that you wanted to make him aware that his son had been hurting your son's feelings and saying mean things. Your son is very hurt and you thought he might like to know. That's it - the rest is up to him.

I wouldn't call now - wait until closer to Elul when repentance is in the air. I certainly wouldn't discuss such an issue during the three weeks if it can wait.

amother

Dodgerblue

Thu, Jul 28 2016, 7:08 am

I told ds that if this kid says anything more he should tell me. And I would call the father. Now I don't know if ds said anything to him. its a couple of days from then. Should I even speak to him again about it and ask him what he told him before or if he did. He's the type of kid bec he's socially not aware, won't even remember if he said anything to tigger such a response. Possibly that he did. I don't think these 2 kids like each other.
The problem becomes a problem bec ds says things inappropriate at times he's socially unaware that the comments cause others a problem. I don't know how to explain and help him learn how to change. He hasn't been evaluated. He will soon. In meantime I would love to help him learn how to be careful with his speach. If anyone can help me I would greatly appreciate it. I am lost as far as this.

groisamomma

Thu, Jul 28 2016, 8:30 am

Ouch, that hurts! I once called a child's mother because her DD made rude comments at mine and she told me my DD was going at her kid just as much! I learned a valuable lesson. Of course that boy's comment was horrible; it can cut a mother's heart, but like you said, your DS is not socially aware and may have said similar things to get this boy in the past. Still not an excuse, but just some insight.

Either way, if your DS switches schools and is not in this child's class anymore, keep an eye in shul. If it continues after that then you should reach out to the Mechanech Father. (I use that title because in today's day and age having a parent in chinuch means zero, sometimes their kids are the hardest ones and even they've given up.)

I hope your DS is matzliach in his new school. He sounds like he needs a fresh start.

(One tiny piece of advice: Try and get him evaluated asap so you can start to help him. It is hard for kids to change their view of a classmate once it's been formed so you want to get him to start the year off as best as possible.)