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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> School age children
amother
Ruby
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Sat, Aug 06 2016, 10:07 pm
My 7.5 DD is very affectionate and comes over and hugs me many times during the day. I usually hug her back and she usually goes back to what she is doing. Sometimes she just mushes all over me and doesn't let go so fast and I don't really like it. She also sometimes rubs my breasts and I don't know how to handle this without hurting her feelings.
Any advice?
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amother
Khaki
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Sat, Aug 06 2016, 10:19 pm
Have you had her evaluated for sensory issues?
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amother
Cerulean
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Sat, Aug 06 2016, 11:47 pm
My 7.5 year old DS is the same exact way. Hugs me a lot, very physical , rubs my back unexpectedly etc etc. If he hugs me or touches me in a way that annoys me I just physically reposition his hands and say " it tickles me like that . This is better ..." And I give him a strong ( brief) bear hug. I then redirect his attention elsewhere.
It can definitely be a sensory thing , with my son I know it is. Some kids crave more physical input than others.
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tf
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Sun, Aug 07 2016, 12:19 am
My dd also is very affectionate. I allow her to hug and kiss me almost as often as she wants. I find it's her nature, I wouldn't stop her unless she does something I don't like, or if there's important stuff that needs to be done. I nicely tell her now isn't a good time, only after. ... I think allowing her to express her emotions the way she feels good, allows her to be herself in different areas of interest and development. I wouldn't want to inhibit this behavior.
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Iymnok
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Sun, Aug 07 2016, 2:34 am
As a teenager I used to test my mother, I'd give her a big hug and just stay. I wanted her to just hug me giving me the message of having all the time and love for me.
She's probably not thinking that much into it. Give her a big hug tight hug that lasts a couple seconds longer.
Don't tell her to go away, if she's satisfied, she will, if not, she may feel that you don't like her enough.
Try talking about it, ask her what she wants out of it...
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amother
Bronze
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Sun, Aug 07 2016, 6:36 am
My 7 year old sounds very similar. I let her hug , sit on my lap, etc.
I also try initiate when possible because that fills her emotional bank much faster than reciprocity.
If she touches me in places that make me uncomfortable I tell her "I'm not comfortable when you touch me over here". I appreciate the opportunity to show her proper touching boundaries.
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amother
Ruby
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Sun, Aug 07 2016, 7:51 am
Thank you everyone for your responses. It's good to know that this is normal. I will try to set those boundaries when she touches places where I don't feel comfortable.
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rowo
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Sun, Aug 07 2016, 7:57 am
It's great that she's coming to you when she feels that she needs a hug.
It's good that she can recognise that need and that she has someone to turn to.
There are times when we all feel like we 'just need a hug'
I love to tell my kids how good a hug can be on so many levels - that it can help us calm down, is good for our brain etc
http://m.huffingtonpost.com.au.....08616
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newmom1987
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Sun, Aug 07 2016, 10:21 am
Yesterday in shul the woman next to me and her little girl about that age kept hugging. I thought "how sweet." I also thought maybe one of them was having a hard day? Nice that they could be so affectionate.
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asmileaday
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Sun, Aug 07 2016, 10:44 am
My 8yo son is like that. He's a mushy kid. He needs the reassurance of a hug. If he touches inappropriately I gently remove his hands and say it's not appropriate to touch me over here. And I hug him tighter and say how much I love him!
I think your daughter is within the relam of normal. The problem is more that you don't really like it. Maybe you try being the one that doesn't let go so fast and seeing if that lessens her need of overextending her hug.
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greenfire
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Sun, Aug 07 2016, 12:06 pm
there is 'hug' & there is too close for comfort ... I think now is the time to teach boundaries - not so much with you per se as her mother - but how she should ask others if it's okay if she hugs them -
I know a lot of these type of kids ... and sometimes I have to simply say 'no I don't feel up to it' other times I say sure & even other times I have to redirect if someones private body parts come too close to me - or vice versa they come too close to my private body parts ...
done with tlc it will be seen as a learning experience ... you also then have to praise when they ask you first
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