So overwhelmed, I just need to vent

seeker

Thu, Sep 08 2016, 11:09 am

I'm not the best housekeeper under any circumstances but things are so topsy-turvy now that I just really need some cheering on now.

We were away for the summer, during which I worked really insanely hard and came back with less energy than I'd hoped for. But I left in a bit of haste as well, went straight from year job to summer job, and DH was home much of the summer too but didn't touch much, so I came home to an already messy place and landed here with a whole summer's worth of mess. Meanwhile we drew an ultimatum on my not-toddler-anymore sleeping in my room so decided in this same week to rearrange all our other-room furniture. Someone was supposed to come take the previous bulky furniture so that all got emptied out ready to go, without the replacement lined up just yet, but they postponed the pickup due to circumstances out of their control. So EVERYTHING is a mess, piles, boxes, I can't see my table or counter at all, and the clothes I was sorting out BEFORE the summer are still piled on a bed.

When we got home I had a cleaning lady (rare luxury around here) make over the whole kitchen, and two days later you already can't see a single surface because I was so busy trying to unpack and rearrange the rest of the house that I didn't pay any attention to what I was doing in there. Despite this, the rest of the house, as I already vented about, does not appear any more organized (though I did get a ton done. You just can't tell because there is mess literally everywhere.)

Then there's laundry. I came home from "vacation" with laundry because I wasn't going to be bothered to wash and pack at the same time especially since the machines where I was staying weren't working consistently and were up a steep hill. So I came back with loads of laundry which were added to over the last few days and now no one has anything left to wear.

And now we're back to school and with all the whirlwind I forgot to make sure everyone's uniforms were lined up. Guess what? The jumpers that had tons of room at the beginning of July are now short and tight. Everyone needs either alterations or new jumpers. But they need to wear them today or tomorrow and who does alterations over the weekend and they will need them again on Monday. And the store where I could buy new ones (for $40 each times enough for two little messy kids to wear every single weekday) is a car ride away and oh by the way someone backed into my car on the last day of "vacation" and B"H B"H B"H we (barely) made it home but now the mechanic is "probably" checking it out today but won't be done with it until next week. The uniform store is not near a train. I'm trying to find someone local to borrow or inherit from but it's not looking hopeful and I won't know until tonight. Speaking of tonight it's "meet the teacher" at 7 so I can't go very far anyway. Especially since I'll be washing the mountain of laundry.

And everyone needs more socks and tights. Why didn't I think of that?

I did, however, think of school supplies. Which Target shibpped to the wrong address. Which I only discovered after I came home and found no package waiting for me. So I placed a new order but it won't be here until the end of Friday and while they are willing to give me a refund they were not willing to give me express shipping. So mine are going to be Those Kids who turn up to school without the right supplies :'(

Through all this DH was away for two days on business so I had the kids home alone while trying to get everything done while burned out from having tried to get everything done before.

Meanwhile I have a whole lot of stress on the back of my mind (in between taking care of it up front) because of a bureaucratic snafu that's interfering with my ability to start work. As a teacher in the first week of school, anything that interferes with my ability to start work at this time is potentially a massive disaster. So while I'm putting it on the back burner in between phone calls and waiting for answers that I can't really do anything about, my general state is more tense than usual.

Go ahead and tell me that I should be sorting laundry instead of writing megillas on imamother. I just can't. I'm so overwhelmed and burned out a nd I need to cry at someone before I can dive back in. And I don't even know what to do. I guess laundry is a decent place to start but what about the uniforms? Today I only had one to send to school, the other starts tomorrow. So the one went in the uniform that's a little small but not unacceptable, but tomorrow I need to come up with two ready to wear. If I do laundry and the one sitting there since before the summer comes out good, which is unlikely being that it was sitting in the laundry all summer, then someone can probably wear that tomorrow. But that's a big IF and there is NO WAY I am ironing uniforms tonight. Not only do I not have a surface on which to do it but even at the best of times ironing pleated jumpers sucks my soul out. Whose idea were these things anyway?

I just want to go back to sleep. The kids woke up too early this morning. I haven't been sleeping well all week. I had a computer breakdown over "vacation" so I had to spend a lot of time catching up on whatever was too hard to do on the phone.

And if the bureaucratic snafu interfering with my work doesn't get ironed out by tomorrow, I might just lose my mind from the stress. As if I had the stamina to get back to teaching already. But if I don't then I'm toast.

OK time to get back to business. Someone please come calm me down. And come sort my laundry. OMG.

amother

Chartreuse

Thu, Sep 08 2016, 11:26 am

I think most people who just got back from the country with little kids are in the same or similar boats- but as my sister says, her boat is sinking. We each have our times when we feel like we are drowning. I had that yesterday. My baby is sick and won't let me put him down. The more boxes and bags I unpack, the more there seem to be lurking in corners (okay, and in middle of the floor and on the table and on the couch and on the beds.) Each day I clear off one table or couch or floor of a room, and by the end of the day it is full again. Laundry and uniforms and doctor's visits for sick babies and school supplies and filling out paperwork... it just doesn't seem to end.

And of course everyone wants money. I spend more time writing out checks lately than anything else. Money for PTS dues, for seforim, for school supplies, snack fees and nit checks and book fees and special fees and they just find new names to call all of them and of course we can't use the same check for two of them.

Last edited by amother on Tue, Mar 12 2019, 11:29 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Lilac

Thu, Sep 08 2016, 11:26 am

Where are you?? I am coming! (With my newborn…) This is just too much for one person! ::hugs::

Can the furniture wait outside somewhere under a tarp so you can get the new furniture in and start putting stuff in? Can you 'pack' some of the stuff thats around into (labeled) cardboard boxes or even (labeled) garbage bags so it's stacked up out of the way in some corner and not on every surface?

Uniforms don't have to fir perfectly. The one DD wore today will be spot cleaned if need be, and she will wear it again tomorrow. Wash another, give it a good shake, and hang it to dry.

For laundry, grab a load of towels and undergarments, or stuff that doesnt require much care, and throw it in the wash/dryer. It will shrink Mt. Laundry, but doesnt require any mental focus. Then pick out clothing for everyone for the next 24-48 hours, just one or two sets of top-bottom-socks-underwear-pjs per person, and wash that. Throw in random stuff to fill up the load if necessary. The rest of the laundry will wait.

Next week it will all be resolved, more or less. Try to just let it roll off your back, because stressing is only making everything harder for you. As I always try to tell myself: If I worry and my worst-case comes true, my worry didn't help; and if it all works out, the worry didn't help either!

You can do it. you are a very dedicated and responsible mom and teacher as I can see from your posts, and you WILL get through this.
Hug

seeker

Thu, Sep 08 2016, 11:41 am

The Worlds Best Mom THANK YOU as always for normalizing the rest of us! Oh no I hope your baby feels better soon! I know, I feel like such a "gvir" writing out all these checks, it's a good thing we got new checkbooks over the summer, I'm just closing my eyes and not thinking about it too much. The best was when I got to the part about Shabbos party fee, found three crisp dollar bills, put them in an envelope in the preschool backpack, and patted myself on the back. Then I went back to the list for the next thing and saw that I overlooked another zero. (Out comes the checkbook, that was $30.00)

There is no outside for the furniture, besides being big and hneavy we live in a crabby apartment building.

Last year's uniforms don't have to fit perfectly but the brand new ones I bought before the summer I am going to beg to exchange, we just have to get away without wearing them until I can get to the store. The school just started requiring the uniform for the youngest grade, so we never had them this small before.

All the stuff that came out of the furniture that's going is in boxes. I'm not sure what's all over the table and counter. They were looking good two days ago. I don't think I have time to think about it.

I sure hope the jumper will hang dry nicely without needing ironing but I'm not very optimistic. The pleats were getting old already and it spent the whole summer crumpled on the floor because I wasn't here to pick it up.

In ten minutes I need to go pick up the oriented child and then the real fun begins. They already spent the last two days being begged to play nicely while I did things of no interest to them. It's never going to end. Oh and they're going to want lunch. Imagine that. I wonder if I can find a sandwich somewhere in that kitchen. By the time the laundry goes in they'll want supper, too.

seeker

Thu, Sep 08 2016, 1:57 pm

Not going to skip meet the teacher, my kid is little and I need to know what's flying. According to the schedule it should only take a half-hour and it's close to home.

I took a closer look at the school's uniform gemach and came out with some hope. Found a jumper that's just a little biggish on my big girl, not in bad shape either, so if everything comes out of the laundry OK tonight then the big girl can wear the biggish jumper (maybe with a hem one of these days) and the little girl can wear what the big girl wore until now, and the spare can be shared between them until the rest gets sorted out.

Meanwhile my Target order came a day and a half early. I hope the supplies are right. The shirts were on the big side but not unacceptable, we can use a couple of them while I try to order a smaller size. WHY is 4T too big for my pretty average-sized almost 6 year old?

So things are coming together, I think. I need to send 6 boring pencils because bigger DD's are being pooled and she brought back her nice pencils. I need to get together a change of clothes for little DD, which is annoying when they wear uniforms. And possibly a new notebook, the teacher requested Mead but the Mead composition book I ordered from Target is floppy, what's up with that? I don't think that's what they had in mind Sad

Off to do laundry while the kids pick on each other. TTYL.

LittleDucky

Thu, Sep 08 2016, 2:10 pm

This sounds so normal. Don't think about what you could have done better. Figure that all out when things are "Normal" (eg. give husband a couple of daily chores so the place doesn't look like tornado alley).

My biggest trick when I clean up or de-disasterize my home is to do the easiest thing and/or the thing that visually makes a big difference. Bonus points if it fits both. - Throw out trash (big one in my place. Where do all those pieces of paper, napkins etc come from? do they multiply??)
- do one load of laundry. Something that you don't care if it wrinkles/ isn't perfect. Like underwear. Towels. "No looking at tags" items.

For me, hearing the machine going and being able to see part of the floor makes me feel calmer. I am no housekeeper maven. I tend to do this trick- throwing out a bag of trash makes me able to focus to wash dishes, clear the table or do one more wash of emergency stuff.

This is the time to break out the cereal/egg salad/tuna for dinner. One basic dinner won't hurt anyone.
It's also time to break out videos or any special games you might not normally let your kids use.
How old are the kids? Can you get them to do anything to help? Pull out underwear, socks, pjs etc from the laundry edifice?

seeker

Thu, Sep 08 2016, 5:53 pm

So, major update!

Still a mess but mentally feeling SO much better because a few things happened:

1. I got a ray of light shining through that red tape that was holding up my work ability. It's not ALL cleared up yet but I got a sign of life from the red tape holders which I was waiting for for a long time, and it was a positive sign that hopefully will come to fruition shortly.

2. When I told my work contacts that I had enough of a ray of light to start working, they said actually they don't think they'll be ready for me until Tuesday. Which is like getting a free day to put myself together somewhat. Granted it's an unpaid free day but I'm cool with that, I rarely grant myself a mental health day so if it's decided for me I can gratefully accept. I wasn't really mentally ready to dive straight from all this stress right into work overnight.

3. My bank account just let me know that I received a payment that was due to me from a long time ago, that I had put on the back burner because I thought I'd need to run after it and was going to wait until I had the time and energy for that, and I just got it for "free." It is enough to cover the checks I just wrote for camp tips and school fees (including the 30.00 Shabbos parties that if it were up to me would not include nearly $30 worth of candy) It's not like that would have put me in the red anyway B"H but you know how it feels so much better not to watch the bank account do nothing but plummet.

4. Already mentioned above but just adding to the list of things that fell into place for me without having to break my back doing them, I now have in total enough uniforms to go around (though I'll still need to do some hemming/exchanging/letting down hems to make it all work just right. But none of that is urgently pressing anymore. Even the pleats are good enough to wait a little longer. Maybe over yomtov... And I'll need to buy more shirts if I don't want to be busy with laundry twice a week.)

So while that was all falling into place I did two loads of laundry, some people-feeding, and not a whole lot else. But with my employment situation looking up, I'm breathing a little easier about everything. Except when I try to move or find anything in this disaster area.

Hahahahaha we've been having HB eggs/cerea/pasta/oatmeal/etc for almost 3 meals a day all week, except when for a treat I make sandwiches. LOL. It's OK, I'm willing to cut a lot of slack in that area at times like these because I know I usually do much better. The only issue with that is the kids have been getting really really spoiled. I've even been giving them ice cream and treats just about every day (unheard of, historically speaking) because I don't have the patience or energy to say no to anything.

B"H they let me sort laundry and drink a coffee before the real bickering started. The plan was to let them play outside while the laundry ran but it was obnoxiously sunny.