He said you need a shave

imasinger

Mon, Sep 12 2016, 7:26 pm

amother wrote:

Thanks for all the replies.

Ds was in a rebellious confrontational mood at the time and together with impulsiveness (adhd) he acted like this. I don't think there is any excuse 4 it though and will approach him, when the moment is right, about it.

He also thinks he needs to educate my other dd 5 about bis**ual and get things even though she doesn't understand.

Is that normal teenage behaviour?

(snip)

I'm a single mum and new to this.
I hope to get this nessage thru to him. I keep reminding him every so often that I'm the mother in the house and educate the children. To which he if course replies.......So I'll move out then ( which he knows I wouldn't be happy with as his father is otd ) and I have learnt to recognise empty threats.

You answered your own question.

- DS has ADHD. (Is he on medication? Does he have a good therapist?)

- He lives with you, and his father is OTD. He has moved further to the left of the family.

No, these are not your average circumstances, and so his behavior is not your average male teenage behavior.

He may be struggling with how to be both his father's son, and your son. And be his own person as well. It's not easy.

My advice, based on experience, is to tell him that it is your job to teach DD the facts of life when you think is right, and someday, he can do the same for his children.

And don't leave them alone together. Because there is no guarantee that he will listen, and you may need to intervene.

When my ADHD kids say something impulsively rude, and follow it with confrontation, I state the rule, then remove everyone else from their vicinity. Follow up later in a calm time with explanation given in a loving but firm way.

It doesn't work 100% of the time, but it's better than feeling completely helpless.

I want to reemphasize the idea of therapy for him. He needs a great male role model.

Hatzlacha!

Notsobusy

Mon, Sep 12 2016, 11:35 pm

sweetpotato wrote:

Your son was being a jerk.

Oh, please. He was wrong, and she should discuss it with him, but that's called being a teen brother. They say dumb things, sometimes dumb, hurtful things. I have a few brothers and they all said dumb, hurtful things at times when they were teens, they've all grown up to be mature, delightful adults who would never say anything hurtful to anyone. (And we sisters also said dumb, hurtful things to them......and to each other)

gold21

Tue, Sep 13 2016, 1:00 am

glutenless wrote:

I agree.

Teenagers Scratching Head

Notsobusy

Tue, Sep 13 2016, 8:03 am

amother wrote:

I think he meant upper lip. But which ever he meant would be inapropriate.
Realising the mood he was in he went to his bedròom straight after to cook down. So I did compliment him for that.

Boys can be really clueless about what's insulting for a girl. Most boys I know can't wait to be able to shave, each of my brothers started shaving before they even had anything real to shave. There's a good chance he didn't realize how insulting it was. Although you wrote that he went to his room because he realized the mood he was in, so maybe he did understand, or maybe he figured it out from her reaction.