Feeling very squeezed

amother

Aubergine

Fri, Sep 08 2017, 9:44 am

I'm sure many can relate, but between rent, tuition, playgroup, and iy"H come early next year babysitting, utilities, food, insurance, clothing, not sure how we are going to do it. DH and I are both working full-time and in our respective industries its not so simple to take on additional work or even finding better paying jobs. I'm expecting so my kochos are limited and my kids are still young enough that for me to work extra would mean extra babysitting so and gain would be offset by the babysitting. My husband already gets home close to 6-7pm exhausted. Oy, Hashem at this time of year when we daven for parnassa--please help us figure this out!

amother

Aubergine

Fri, Sep 08 2017, 12:26 pm

The two biggest things in our way right now are prior debt while I was a student and DH was in kollel, tuition and taxes. I'm hoping that the new baby will ease the tax burden slightly. Then there's tuition, last year we pleaded with the school to lower our tuition bill to a little over 1/2 of what they wanted, but one of my 2 kids in the school was there through the UPK program so his bill was negligible, this year their offer is basically the same calculation as last year, but its double what we were paying last year--which makes sense for 2 kids. The school is pretty understanding, but I feel so bad asking for more of a discount, but given our circumstances, what are our choices? Public school is out of the question, but I honestly don't want to be one of those parents whose kids cant get a report card b/c we didn't pay tuition. We thought that my husband working would ease our burden considerably, but it just puts govt programs out of reach so we have to pay more for everything, but him NOT working, not an option either, b/c then we don't have the cash flow to live.

amother

Natural

Fri, Sep 08 2017, 1:15 pm

We are in the and situation, I feel you. We both have "good" jobs and live beyond frugally. My kids have normal wardrobes but they are carefully curated from Salvation Army. I try to take good care of my home but I have no cleaning help and natural atrophy is starting to set in and I am so self conscious and bothered by it. We try to pinch as much as possible but we are not making it. Between tuition, mortgage, utilities, food, insurance, car payments, etc. we cannot make ends meet. DH and I are so burnt out of this crazy way of life. Every last cent goes to tuition and we have no space to breath or think. Our parents shep nachas from how positive and resourceful we are, it's not like we sit and kvetch to them all day or ask for handouts. Little do they know what shape we're in. They do not help at all. (Not that they have to, it just seems like that's what really defines the "making it" and "not making its" among our peers.) I go to sleep every night feeling angry and done. Vent over.

CDL

Fri, Sep 08 2017, 1:18 pm

Maybe you can borrow money interest free from a relative for the debt, and work on paying that back at your own pace. Or borrow from a gemach.
Another option is go the Dave Ramsey style, eating beans and rice, rice and beans. Like seriously buying the absolute bare minumum. There are free places to get clothing, like the metzias place in monsey, maybe mommy3b2c still has some shoes, the freebay in lakewood has lists of things people are giving away free every week, maybe tomchei shabbos can help you with getting food at cost price. Depending on the community you live in, there are organizations that help with things like this. Also, tzedakah organizations hire people to make phone calls at night, maybe that's something you could do at home once your kids are sleeping?

amother

Scarlet

Fri, Sep 08 2017, 1:27 pm

amother wrote:

Do you live in an expensive city? Is it possible for you to move? Living like this sounds really, really hard! I hope this new year brings along more money and less expenses!

amother

Natural

Fri, Sep 08 2017, 2:05 pm

No, we actually live in an "affordable" oot community. It's just the reality of having kids so young, with no help. I know we're not alone. It's so upsetting... I feel like we went into this with eyes wide open. Tried to make so many good, responsible choices. We work so hard. And we still don't make it- such a slap in the face. Sorry for hijacking your thread, OP! And I don't really need suggestions of what to do to make it work... we've been around that block may times. Just appreciating the space to vent.

amother

Aubergine

Sun, Sep 10 2017, 9:00 am

Op here, we've taken gemach loans, and unfortunately most of my student debt is credit card and not student loan--based on advice and situation I was in-complicated. Our mazel has been such that despite any hishtadlus we've put in to paying back the debt, new things keep coming up. We are in an expensive neighborhood, but we're in a good situation so we can't even complain about that. We want to move, but circumstances are such that we cannot for another 1-2 years.

Its like you'd think with our salaries--we'd at least be able to stay afloat--we're in that "working poor" category, somehow we're not and right now we're not looking at big raises--if any for the coming year. Unless Hashem intercedes.

In terms of eating, we really eat very simply. Our Shabbos leftovers are suppers 2-3 nights a week, the other nights are simple.

I dont' have time to go to Monsey or Lakewood, I used to shop mostly consignment, but now I don't have time to go there. I buy everything at a discount.

I'm hoping that at this point my shopping is at a point where my kids are set for a while and over the winter we can work on paying down our debt.