Yerida with 8 and half year old boy, illiterate in English

ProudMommie

Thu, Sep 28 2017, 3:59 am

amother wrote:

One thing that will likely be a hard adjustment for him is the lack of independence. Here in E"Y, 8 year olds go to the store, walk to school, take 3 younger siblings to the park.... When my husband was a kid here, by 8, he was taking 2 busses to and from school each day. They moved back when he was almost 10, and he was expected to walk in a line from the lunchroom to the classroom. That was really hard for him. In E"Y, the kids practically run businesses by age 8, and in the US, they are really treated like kids.

Good!!! BH they are treated like kids! My child is just that-- a kid! It is not safe for him to roam the streets where any sicko can harm him at will r'l. I don't need him to take two buses and run a business, and if kids walk in a line that's wonderful. I prefer that to making a balagan free-for-all and being all over the place without any direction outside of shouting and going ballistic for misbehavior.. .

When you are Israeli, roaming around freely may be great, but for a kid with parents who have american sensibilities and have already taught him some decorum prior to aliyah, etc.. it is really difficult to be in a culture where if he does not push and grab, he will be left behind.

The big problem is too much freedom and too many liberties in inappropriate places/situations and unfortunately, controls where it is no one's business to dictate.

There is obviously more to all of this... but I am tired of that kind of hashkafa of "independence" being lauded as some kind of a model of chinuch... it is NOT! If you have no koach to take care of your kids, or you can't afford to be with them... , I get it, but don't make into a model of perfect parenting for all to follow.

abound

Thu, Sep 28 2017, 4:11 am

Friends of ours moved with an 8 year old boy and 10 year old boy (I guess you do not need to hear about her daughter). It helped that she took them to the US to visit, every year for a month. EIther way, she had tutors who taught them English even before they left Israel. She made sure to have someone teach them Baseball (more important than football Smile

)
Her kids caught up within a few months.

amother

Natural

Thu, Sep 28 2017, 5:12 am

ProudMommie wrote:

There is a difference between giving children independence and lack of chinuch. Fact of that matter is, in the schools here, they aren't being told to walk in a line and treated like children. They are treated like people. Being treated like people doesn't = hefker. I think there are maalos but I hear the chesronos you are pointing out. There are extremes either direction. ON a whole, I think it gives them more resilience and ability to deal with life.

My in laws are not the type that let their kids roam freely - they walked their other son to school every day even when he was 12. (he hated it) They are the nervous and anxious type. The kids didn't do whatever they wanted. And this is something my husband still talks about as something that was hard for him.

ProudMommie

Thu, Sep 28 2017, 8:07 am

amother wrote:

I have no problem with appropriate levels of independence (and I can see how a boy of 12 would feel uncomfortable with being walked to school!) .. but you and I both know the kinds of things that go on...and when there is TOO much independence it becomes dangerous and open for all kinds of things.. chas v'shalom. For example, I almost stepped on a baby recently because she was crawling in a sea of running children on the playground. She was ok in the end because I picked her up and found her sister who must have forgotten about her... So, yes, I guess she will grow up and become more resilient. That's fine but it is a very difficult pill for many people to swallow.. Of course I am speaking about the extremes that where I live are really closer to the norm, and I do see that it gives children resilience --
they surely need it ...

Obviously you and I have had very different experiences.. but I don't see that b'derech klal children are treated like people and certainly not like individuals, which I guess is a different topic altogether...

doctorima

Thu, Sep 28 2017, 10:22 am

ProudMommie wrote:

these are all good points. We lived in a very Chareidi Israeli place (hence the problem with our aliyah .. for our particular family), so my son just knows soccer. However, on a visit to RBS someone taught him to throw an american football so we are all set. Smile

thanks,
Gmar Hatima Tova!

I'm glad to hear he can throw a football, but basketball is probably the most popular recreational activity, and baseball is important as well, so try to find a way to get him started with those sports as well.

keym

Thu, Sep 28 2017, 10:42 am

doctorima wrote:

I am going to point out as a mother of an 8 & 10 yr old boy in Lakewood that you really need to find out what the boys are playing. My boys are not into baseball (because they are not allowed to bring wooden or metal bats to school) but basketball, and volleyball are all the rage. A little kickball, punchball, and football.
Find out what kind of running games the boys play. My boys play cops & robbers still but not tag. They do play "gorilla" "two hand touch" and "king of the mountain" ,all running and catching games.
Also at this age, in addition to the sport skill they need to know the sports rules cuz they start actually playing by the rules. A boy who knows how to shoot hoops but is cluless in point system, dribbling rules and court etiquette may end up being a liability. Also he should know the rules of picking teams and such. All things you should ask other boys and parents in the community youll be moving into.
You should also look into what boys do out of school: biking, scooters, ripstick, rollerblades, swimming, organized sports, karate, fishing, etc so he could be skilled and integrate out of school. Maybe sign him up to the same class with other boys so he could make friends.
Hatzlocha.

keym

Thu, Sep 28 2017, 10:48 am

Also I realized it seems youll be moving in the winter. Find out what the boys that age collect and do inside. In Lakewood it was kugelach, then chess (at least in my boys class).
Also try to dress him as similar as possible (polo shirt vs button down) Velcro vs tie vs slip on shoe, yes sweater or no . What color pants, colored and design yamukas or not.
My boys say they could pick out a "newbu" from Israel nased on how they dress in the winter especially on 35° "but its not so cold" days.
Just things to think about.

ProudMommie

Thu, Sep 28 2017, 11:04 am

keym wrote:

wow, it's helpful to know these things.. . I wish there was "yerida for dummies" Smile

)

naomi2

Thu, Sep 28 2017, 2:01 pm

Yerida for dummies in this case would be to ask people about customs in the specific community and yeshiva you are sending to. Each yeshiva and community has different games, dress, trends. If you are comfortable posting where you'll be going you will get a lot more accurate information.
Thank you poster below, I missed the where op names Cleveland in her question.

Last edited by naomi2 on Thu, Sep 28 2017, 2:26 pm; edited 1 time in total

Iymnok

Thu, Sep 28 2017, 2:12 pm

naomi2 wrote:

She wrote in her opening post. Cleveland.
We have a good number of posters from there, maybe someone could PM her. Or tip her off about the right person to talk to.

amother

Cobalt

Thu, Sep 28 2017, 3:38 pm

If this helps - my husband came to American when he was 11. His parents are completely Israeli and he didn't know a word. He has certain things that show his first language was Hebrew and not English. But he has me to help in that sense. I will admit he was a troublemaker but now he's all grown up and functions perfectly fine. With no long lasting trauma.

amother

Slategray

Sat, Sep 30 2017, 4:42 pm

My husband did this 20 years ago- to another OOT community. His family ended up coming back to Israel 6 months later, but their plan was to stay. (America was just too American for them- the sports focus was a big issue from what I recall him saying.) Anyway, he moved when he was 8 1/2 also, and also knew how to speak fluently but no reading or writing. I think they had him go back a grade- but that might have been because boys his age were in a yonger grade there, I'm not sure. He basically spent the 6 months learning to read English. The boys in his class (very small) sound like they were very friendly and nice. He knows some random things about baseball and some random American songs from that 1/2 year. Sounds like the boys did a good job flling him in and he doesn't seem traumatized in the slightest. Then again, he is very easygoing in general and didn't have to deal with too much time there catching up, so I'm not sure how much that proves. Except hope the other boys are nice and welcoming! Best of luck!