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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
InnerMe
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Tue, Dec 05 2017, 10:00 pm
mommy3b2c wrote: | Lol. You watch go many movies. Anyway, why would they track you down? To send you a thank you note? I think you can handle that. |
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amother
Cerise
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Tue, Dec 05 2017, 10:01 pm
MrsDash wrote: | Can’t believe people are shocked or upset about Amother Navy’s comment. It’s a perfectly logical reason to not want to meet a convicted criminal. Too close for comfort. |
No - its not "logical" that going to a prison and talking to an inmate who would only know your first name (and that could be changed) - would seek you out when they left prison... unless perhaps you made promises of friendship.
That said - for me, talking to a felon is too close for comfort. Nothing to do with personal safety - I just need positive in my life. I'm really sensitive to misery and loneliness.
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notshanarishona
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Tue, Dec 05 2017, 10:07 pm
Honestly, I would sooner use my volunteering time to do other chesseds. I do think it is a mitzvah but I would think bikkur cholim I.e. visiting people in hospitals would come first over convicted criminals.
Not that people who do crimes don't deserve visitors but being that most people only have a limited amount of time to help others, I would sooner help people who have not done terrible things. I would not be opposed to visiting people for "light crimes" such as texting while driving or white collar. I wouldn't run to visit violent people.
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amother
Cyan
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Tue, Dec 05 2017, 10:39 pm
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33055
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Tue, Dec 05 2017, 11:07 pm
amother wrote: | No - its not "logical" that going to a prison and talking to an inmate who would only know your first name (and that could be changed) - would seek you out when they left prison... unless perhaps you made promises of friendship.
That said - for me, talking to a felon is too close for comfort. Nothing to do with personal safety - I just need positive in my life. I'm really sensitive to misery and loneliness. |
Why do you think they know only your first name? Your visit gets logged in.
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amother
Cerise
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Tue, Dec 05 2017, 11:09 pm
Squishy wrote: | Why do you think they know only your first name? Your visit gets logged in. |
with the prison - not the prisoner.
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InnerMe
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Tue, Dec 05 2017, 11:10 pm
Squishy wrote: | Why do you think they know only your first name? Your visit gets logged in. |
To? The prisoner gets this log?
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33055
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Tue, Dec 05 2017, 11:38 pm
InnerMe wrote: | To? The prisoner gets this log? |
Of course the prisoner is told if they ask. The prisoners have the right not to meet with someone.
The guard has to get the prisoner to the visiting room. The prisoner goes to a staging area first. At that point, they can ask before they go to the visiting room.
This makes a lot of sense if you think this through. It avoids unpleasantness if the prisoner doesn't want to see someone.
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InnerMe
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Tue, Dec 05 2017, 11:48 pm
Squishy wrote: | Of course the prisoner is told if they ask. The prisoners have the right not to meet with someone.
The guard has to get the prisoner to the visiting room. The prisoner goes to a staging area first. At that point, they can ask before they go to the visiting room.
This makes a lot of sense if you think this through. It avoids unpleasantness if the prisoner doesn't want to see someone. |
ok, that makes sense.
But normally why would the prisoner "log" this for future reference, and then after release go hunting down. That's realistically farfetched, and not likely to happen.
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33055
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Wed, Dec 06 2017, 12:24 am
InnerMe wrote: | ok, that makes sense.
But normally why would the prisoner "log" this for future reference, and then after release go hunting down. That's realistically farfetched, and not likely to happen. |
Prisoners are needy, and they don't call them cons for nothing. (That's a bit of prison humor. )
Because they are needy , they will want to further the contacts between you. Perhaps they are looking for letters or care packages. Perhaps they are interested in you in a romantic way.
I wouldn't rule out a revenge factor if they feel rejected. I think it is unlikely, and I go still go visiting. I never heard of it happening, but it is smart to take adequate precautions.
I met one DP (dear prisoner) who was convicted of murdering DSC (dear step child). Of course DP didn't do it - SODDI. Anyway I never mentioned I have a DC same age and gender of DSC. And, I give my care packages through the chaplain.
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crust
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Wed, Dec 06 2017, 1:00 am
I think the reason I don't understand amother navy here is that the prisoners that I know that are being visited a lot are heimishe people who have done white collar crimes.
And the truth is I don't know a single female prisoner.
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amother
Cerise
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Wed, Dec 06 2017, 1:18 am
Squishy wrote: | Prisoners are needy, and they don't call them cons for nothing. (That's a bit of prison humor. )
Because they are needy , they will want to further the contacts between you. Perhaps they are looking for letters or care packages. Perhaps they are interested in you in a romantic way.
I wouldn't rule out a revenge factor if they feel rejected. I think it is unlikely, and I go still go visiting. I never heard of it happening, but it is smart to take adequate precautions.
I met one DP (dear prisoner) who was convicted of murdering DSC (dear step child). Of course DP didn't do it - SODDI. Anyway I never mentioned I have a DC same age and gender of DSC. And, I give my care packages through the chaplain. |
when you visit (arranged by a chaplain?) does the prisoner add your name (in full) to his allowed visitor list?
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DrMom
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Wed, Dec 06 2017, 1:52 am
First of all, it would depend on why they were imprisoned.
I am not spending my precious spare time to visit a convicted rapist or murderer.
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33055
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Wed, Dec 06 2017, 6:45 am
amother wrote: | when you visit (arranged by a chaplain?) does the prisoner add your name (in full) to his allowed visitor list? |
I don't know anything about an allowed list. I was a tag along visitor at the last minute the first time I went, so I don't think in that case there was an allowed list.
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33055
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Wed, Dec 06 2017, 6:56 am
DrMom wrote: | First of all, it would depend on why they were imprisoned.
I am not spending my precious spare time to visit a convicted rapist or murderer. |
Would you visit a Jew who was imprisoned unfairly?
Or a Jew who was given a disproportionate sentence because he was Jewish?
What about Rubashkin who was a victim of an over zealous witch hunt?
What of a Jew that is guilty but is truly remorseful?
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Beingreal
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Wed, Dec 06 2017, 7:06 am
my father was in prison and seeing his face light up was the best thing in the world!
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southernbubby
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Wed, Dec 06 2017, 8:06 am
I think that it is a wonderful mitzvah and the main reason, I think, that more people don't do it is because the prisons where the Jews are being held are usually very far away from where the community is. A person can travel to the prison, only to find it on lock down over some incident and then guests can't visit. Still, I do know people who make the trek and go because when the prisoners re-enter society, it is important that they connect with the frum community, even if they were not frum to begin with, because we have the type of connected community that would give them structure in their lives. Some might not be getting out but do not want to be forgotten and anyone can do tshuva.
Some mitzvahs are hard to do, such as chevra kadisha but someone has to do it. One of my sons is a Chabad shaliach and has had to help both prisoners and chevra kadisha! Probably we get the most Heavenly reward from the most difficult mitzvahs.
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33055
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Wed, Dec 06 2017, 8:41 am
southernbubby wrote: | I think that it is a wonderful mitzvah and the main reason, I think, that more people don't do it is because the prisons where the Jews are being held are usually very far away from where the community is. A person can travel to the prison, only to find it on lock down over some incident and then guests can't visit. Still, I do know people who make the trek and go because when the prisoners re-enter society, it is important that they connect with the frum community, even if they were not frum to begin with, because we have the type of connected community that would give them structure in their lives. Some might not be getting out but do not want to be forgotten and anyone can do tshuva.
Some mitzvahs are hard to do, such as chevra kadisha but someone has to do it. One of my sons is a Chabad shaliach and has had to help both prisoners and chevra kadisha! Probably we get the most Heavenly reward from the most difficult mitzvahs. |
Well did SB.
I would add that those that dont want to visit or write can still help by donating needed items. 8 regularly send care packages.
If you don't want to help DP, what about his or her family? The kids need counseling and just some TLC. Perhaps they need stuff. When the breadwinner is locked up, the family suffers the same financial loss as any family that loses the bread winner. In this case, they have the added shame although the shame doesn't seem to bee as bad.
The family can really use community support. You could just send a check or support fund raising activities.
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southernbubby
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Wed, Dec 06 2017, 8:46 am
Squishy wrote: | Well did SB.
I would add that those that dont want to visit or write can still help by donating needed items. 8 regularly send care packages.
If you don't want to help DP, what about his or her family? The kids need counseling and just some TLC. Perhaps they need stuff. When the breadwinner is locked up, the family suffers the same financial loss as any family that loses the bread winner. In this case, they have the added shame although the shame doesn't seem to bee as bad.
The family can really use community support. You could just send a check or support fund raising activities. |
Thanks and you brought up some important points too!
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amother
Khaki
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Wed, Dec 06 2017, 10:04 am
It would be such a big mitzvah to go.
My brother was caught up in a scheme, bad luck, fraud and was in jail for 4 years. He would never hurt someone. The only people that visited him were from the Alef Institute.
To this day, a chabad family hosts him for chagim, he is a broken man. My mother hasn't spoken to him.
Only this rabbi was there to help him.
This is a tremendous mitzvah, and I am forever grateful to the rabbi that helped him.
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