Am I worsening his delays? How to help him?

amother

Rose

Mon, Aug 27 2018, 6:36 pm

I have 3 very young children. I’m a stay at home mom and I try to be the best parent I can be, but it’s hard when it’s just me home caring for them all day. Two of them get along great, play and laugh and act wild and loud, you get the picture. One of them has shown signs of developmental delays since day one, according to me at least, and now the delays are more obvious to other people as well. Our pediatrician wants me to spend quality one on one time with him every day to try to encourage healthier development. The problem is that it’s very hard when he is so oversensitive to noise and chaos and other stimuli, even things most anyone else wouldn’t even think of as overwhelming. He gets overwhelmed, needs a calm, quiet place to play or sleep, needs everything to be gentle and quiet at all times. It’s not practical in our home and as much as I try I can’t get it so he’s comfortable playing with the other two.

I’m worried I’m worsening his delays by moving him away from the things that scare him. I’ve tried letting him cry and get used to it, but I really think his problems with oversensitivity are beyond my ability to help without professional guidance (I’m in the process of seeking that out) and if I keep him in a stressful (for him) situation, he completely loses it. But, the more I move him away from his fears, usually to calm down and nap or drink a bottle, the less attention he is getting overall, because I can’t leave my other two unattended.

Not sure what to do. I’m trying to make time for him one on one like the doctor suggested, but it’s very hard and I still think it won’t be enough. It kills me to think I’m making his problems worse. Ideas please?

hodeez

Mon, Aug 27 2018, 7:33 pm

you said that you are seeking professional help already, which to me seems like the best course of action. I have an ASD 3 year old and the therapy has helped her come so far she's like a different kid bh bh. Once you get your child evaluated you will see exactly which areas he is lacking in and the therapist will work with him AND you so that he is getting all of his needs met. The therapist will tell you how you can deal with his sensitivity and help him move past it while she does the same during their sessions together.
Hazlacha rabba!

amother

Rose

Mon, Aug 27 2018, 11:34 pm

We are in touch with EI, as we have another child receiving EI services, however we are told that for our younger child we should push off the evaluation for another few months in order to be sure he will qualify for services without having to wait 6 months in case he doesn't qualify the first time. (In a few months he will be expected to reach more milestones and based on current progression, it's more likely he will qualify because the gap will be deemed greater once the expectations are greater for the evals.) In the meantime, I still want to help him the best I can.

Chana Miriam S

Mon, Aug 27 2018, 11:39 pm

I have a 22 yo son on the asd. There are all sorts of things I wish I’d known when he was young but didn’t. I was very involved and knowledgeable but of course there were things I could have done better. Still, he is a super human being and I am so proud of him.

Get whatever help you can. Be knowledgeable. Watch the documentary the magic pill. Be his advocate. Learn whatever you can, see what works for your kid. You are the specialist in your kid. Work with your doc to maximize that. Take help offered.

imorethanamother

Tue, Aug 28 2018, 1:15 am

amother wrote:

Don't wait. Get him evaluated now, and exaggerate his problems to the therapists. They're not that hard to exaggerate, actually, based on your above description. Schedule these therapists to do the evaluation and keep everything as loud and boisterous as you can, so they can really see what's what.

It's really really hard to be a therapist and a parent. I know it's the best thing for the child, but I couldn't swing it. If you're like me, and you have too much going on to devote all your energies to one kid then you MUST get people in the door that can.

PM me anytime. Good luck.