Cant stand my 7 year old son

nyc123

Thu, Sep 27 2018, 7:28 am

amother wrote:

I didnt say im proud of it, im deeply ashamed of the fact that he brings up all these bad feelings.

Last night went for a walk together, he is instantly lovable 1on1, and we had a nice time.

He was an IUGR baby, I sometimes feel like he was born starving and needy and it never went away, just changed forms. I literally (literally) held him nonstop for the first year of his life.

And yes, the person he reminds me of most is myself, I guess we both have what to work on

Sounds like when he is in control of himself, he’s great. There’s a great theory called “kids do well if they can” - kids want to behave. I don’t have time to summarize but here’s a short article that explains it well- (click the green continue reading button) https://m.huffpost.com/us/entr.....ea9ea

Now especially considering that he was IUGR, I’m thinking it’s more likely than not that he still has nutritional deficiencies lingering from that. If you treat the nutritional deficiencies, the brain can deal with stressors much better and stop short circuiting with temper tantrums. This in addition to changing your mindset to the “kids do well if they can” approach will help reduce the outbursts, and to collaborate with your son during the outbursts that remain instead of fighting.

The last thing I’m going to suggest is to read the 5 love languages of children. When you mentioned that he was great during your walk together it made me think maybe he craves some quality time (one of the 5 love languages). Try to find out what his love language is and fill up his love tank. It could be that he’s running on empty. If you fill up his love tank it will also decrease some of the stressors that lead to outbursts.