When your plate is full, how do you cope???

amother

Tue, Dec 08 2020, 2:39 pm

How do you manage??

Juggling your day to day issues with kids??

I have one child with serious issues, no diagnosis yet but we are really really struggling with him on a day to day basis. That number one.

Our oldest we were always so grateful she was just a 'regular' child but am hearing things about her at school and socially, she isnt doing well.
She is very attached to another girl and they are excluding other girls.
I just got off the phone with parent teacher conference and it made me so sad to hear her saying 'iv been getting lots of complaints'

Im feeling like 'cant one child be normal'

I feel like with each of my children, there are always issues.

It used to be just one and now even my 'normal' ones are stirring the pot.

I feel like I have no one to even kvetch about t his too.

Ontop of bad sholom bayis, its just so hard!!

amother

Forestgreen

Tue, Dec 08 2020, 2:48 pm

Thank Hashem for your blessings and ask Him to make things easier. Find someone to talk to even a friend. Self care. Take care of yourself

amother

Khaki

Tue, Dec 08 2020, 2:57 pm

OP, I get you. Honest answer is, I have no clue. You swim through the sludge with as few strokes as possible to conserve your energy and hope you don't get too jaded. You push yourself to go out (when that's relevant) and say hi to a friend every so often, even if it feels false because you're not talking about what's actually going on. Because there are many reasons you wouldn't talk to even your closest friends, including your child's privacy. And try to talk to Hashem as close to every day as possible, giving yourself permission for it to be, "Seriously, what gives?"

Ashrei

Tue, Dec 08 2020, 4:14 pm

Oh I hear you. My kids are similar, your feelings are very relatable. We divorced, tho, so I no longer have shalom bayis on my plate, but just when I started to think I was getting ok, hashem threw me another doozy. I have a more surrenderist attitude now and, I've been working on this for a while, but for the most part I don't care anymore about what others think. I was also able to collect very few good non judgey and genuine friends. I found those last 2 things vital to my well being.

imorethanamother

Tue, Dec 08 2020, 5:50 pm

Let me tell you a secret. Everyone has issues with their kids. I have a special needs child and an intellectually and socially gifted child. Each of them have things I need to work on with them. They do! Each child comes with an issue, and if you think they’re perfect angels who you can ignore because they’re so amazing, then when they grow up they give you issues!

Each one of my kids has a challenge. Every week I attempt to tackle each one. Not everyone can get my attention on the same day, so I do the best I can during the week to at least address each of them at least once.

Everything will be fine. Take deep breaths, let yourself have a long hot bath on some nights, and just do what you can do.

amother

Khaki

Tue, Dec 08 2020, 6:23 pm

amother [ Blue ] wrote:

Self care. Self care. Tackle the issue. Self care. Hugs. Self care.

Beautiful idea. Not always possible. Particularly difficult when there's shalom bayis issues, because you lose a lot of those self care opportunities and because the two of you often disagree on how to address the issues, so even the tackling is complicated. But we try.

amother

Black

Tue, Dec 08 2020, 6:42 pm

Hugs hugs. I relate so strongly. Sometimes (most times?!) I despair that I will be able to deal with the issues each kid struggling with. Especially with struggling shalom bayis.

I have two child therapists I work with weekly that save my life and keep me sane with support and solutions. (And yes it puts us into debt but I have no choice it’s my sanity)
I waited a year to get into the practice of one through my local clinic so it’s affordable. That is my self care in this part of my life and it’s crucial.

Hatzlocha! Remember that Hashem believes in you and that He feels that you alone can be this child’s mom! Even as unbelievable and impossible as it may feel this moment...

amother

Wed, Dec 09 2020, 1:58 pm

I am so fully intertwined with my childs life and issues that sometimes I feel its just too much!

I never argue with whatever anyone says about him, teachers, therapists, moms etc because they are all so true! I am probably the most agreeable parent they have ever seen.

The other night one of his teachers phoned me and I nearly cried when I got off the phone with him. He had beautiful things to say, and I couldnt work out if he was actually the first person to say something nicer or its just been sooo long since weve heard something nice without all the BUTS!

As to self care, not much available here. and now got one child isolating Sad

My husbands voice drowns me. He is good hands on with my child, but its soo draining to be the only one advocating for him on a day t0 day basis with everyone involved. He gives his two cents but Im the one dealing with it.

I know no child is perfect, but I feel that even just 'regular' you know, no issues.

amother

Blue

Wed, Dec 09 2020, 2:07 pm

amother [ Khaki ] wrote:

Self care does It have to be a bubble bath. Or going on vacation or put for dinner. My life ain't no bed of roses. I struggled and still struggle with self care but I need to. I would die if I wouldn't.