Put a child with mental health issues in non jewish school?

amother

Wed, Dec 23 2020, 2:52 pm

Do you have or know of a child with a severe case of ADHD/anxiety/Behavioral Issues etc that the frum schools could not deal with and switched to a non jewish school?

At what age did the child leave the yeshiva system, do you plan on moving them back in a few years and if they already graduated did they return to the yeshiva system and if yes at what age?

If the child is an adult today, are they frum, and mental health wise do they still struggle or are they pretty much okay?

Kiwi13

Wed, Dec 23 2020, 2:57 pm

I was expelled partway through 9th grade for mental health reasons. I went to public high school. It was hard in some ways but much easier in other ways. The frum school really wasn’t equipped and we all knew that. I went through some challenges religiously, but only some of it had to do with which school I was in. I was involved with NCSY and Chabad and they held me close. The unconditional acceptance was what helped me stay connected to yiddishkeit.

imorethanamother

Wed, Dec 23 2020, 2:57 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I know of many children who were put in non-Jewish environments. Here's the question:

Is there any frum organization or school nearby, or any denomination at all, that can REALLY treat the problem? If the answer is no, your way forward is clear. I've asked this a million times, frumkeit is secondary to a child's health, mental or otherwise.

amother

Lemon

Wed, Dec 23 2020, 3:02 pm

In my town it's not as scary to put a child in public school. I live a block away from the local public high school. They have an open campus lunch. If I told you maybe 30% of the kids streaming out have kippahs and tzitzit and the girls are tzanua.

There is a shul down the block that hosts the kids for a lunch and learn program and after school events for them.

Quite a few frum children end up there instead of going to a yeshiva that can't offer as much in services.

It's not anyone's first choice but at least it's an option.

amother

Smokey

Wed, Dec 23 2020, 3:05 pm

amother [ Lemon ] wrote:

Which town is this?

bigsis144

Wed, Dec 23 2020, 3:24 pm

I have second grader with behavioral issues in public school. He is in a mainstream class right now, not special Ed.

His teacher is very patient and understanding that his behavior comes from DS’s lagging skills, and doesn’t take it personally when he tells her to “shut up” or threatens to burn her house down. (This is all virtual school, btw. Physical aggression in person would be treated differently than what is clearly a child using his limited ability to express how frustrated and bored he is in the biggest way he can think of.)

There is no way my child could be in a Jewish school right now. It rips my kishkes out to see how far he is falling behind his peers in general Jewish knowledge and skills, but I know that he would be even more crushed to “just try” being in a Jewish school and then inevitably be expelled.

Hishtadlus isn’t always easy, and I daven so much for clarity and siyatta dishmaya.

mha3484

Wed, Dec 23 2020, 3:31 pm

Our local Jewish Child Family Services runs a therapeutic day school that has two classes for frum boys inside a large non jewish school. The program is jewish in theory but not really in practice. Its nothing like being in a jewish day school at all. They give the boys around 20 minutes a day of Jewish education but they do give them a comradery of being in a class with other Jews which is really nice. Walking the halls, they are exposed to everything that happens in a public school which can get tricky when you want to keep your kid more sheltered.

I put my son there after a disaster of a first grade in yeshiva. It was hard to take him out of the system not knowing if he would ever go back to yeshiva but ultimately they did surprise us and we worked out a partnership program where he would have one hour a day at yeshiva davening and a little Chumash and the rest of the day at the therapeutic program. As the year progressed and he showed he was able to implement what he learned there we gradually increased the amount of time he was able to spend at yeshiva.

Third grade he was fully mainstreamed again. It was not easy at all but the experience of being in a class of 7 kids with two teachers and a ton of social support was really really good for him. Hes in 4th grade now and bli ayin hara doing very very well. His rebbe this year was his camp rebbe the summer we were making these changes and he said at parent teacher conferences he is a totally different kid. You cant even compare them.

amother

Natural

Wed, Dec 23 2020, 11:53 pm

I have a child who was in public school for four years of elementary, all the way through fifth grade.

He went back to a modern orthodox school for sixth and thank Gd was fully caught up to the class in skills by eighth. I think it might have been harder at a true yeshiva

amother

Aqua

Thu, Dec 24 2020, 12:06 am

my DH was moved to a non jewish school in junior high.
didn't do any good. he went OTD in high school, he ended up coming back first year out of high school (and "flipped out"- he went to the Mir then)
but I don't think the non jewish school was good for him. they lived out of town, so there weren't many options. where do you live?
Now, I work in a mainstream school that has a self-contained program; the children attending have mental/behavioral or developmental issues.....