S/O vacation need or want

amother

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 5:22 am

I'll start by saying that I think vacation is a want, but can feel like a need. I do enjoy getting away.

However, my question is, since I became a mom I have found vacation to be a lot of work! I always come back needing a vacation from the vacation.

None of my regular chores stop, they just get postponed (think Laundry Mountain) unless I do them during the trip. Also, unless we go to a city with lots of kosher restaurants I have to pack food and also cook during the trip. Plus, sometimes young kids out of their element and routine get off track or don't sleep well.

Is vacation with the family really a getaway for mom? I feel like it's more work.

DrMom

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 5:34 am

It does require planning.

- Depending on how old your kids are, you can dole out some responsibilities to them. Also, I assign many things to my DH when we go on vacation.

- We tend to stay in airbnbs rather than hotels, so I try to select places with laundry facilities so I can wash as we go.

- It's also important to schedule downtime. Don't try and do too much. I try and pick places with some outdoor space so the kids can occupy themselves outdoors while we relax.

amother

Purple

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 7:35 am

More work. Hate going away.
You also forgot that if you work, you need to get ahead at your job before you go and leave your desk clean and everything done and you come back to a huge pile of urgent things. I always feel like when I take a 40 hour week, I need to put in 8-10 “volunteer” hours before I go and 10-12 when I get back. Hate vacation.

My dream vacation-DH takes the kids away. Leave me home alone (no dinner to make, no childcare, no humoring DH) and I can work 3 hours a day-stay on top of the pile so it doesn’t build too much but have time to sleep in, lunch and do my thing.

HonesttoGod

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 7:48 am

Vacation with kids isnt vacation. It’s a family getaway and yes it’s a nice change of scenery but totally not relaxing (unless you have older self sufficient kids or a kids day camp
Program wherever you go).

As for whether a real vacation is a need or want? I believe every person needs a break at times. We need to wind down relax and take a break from our day to day. The best way to that in this day and age is to go away from your regular location. That said 2 days in bed can be a vacatjon too.

zaq

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 8:42 am

When my children were small, there was no such thing as a real vacation simply because I had to keep an eye on them all.the.time. Whether it's the airport, the train station, or the bus; skating,boating, swimming,sightseeing, a zoo, an amusement park, a museum, or the state fair, you can't let your guard down for a minute and you can therefore only partly enjoy the experience. Furthermore, if you're not eating all your meals out, you're at the very least setting up before and cleaning up after, even if not doing any real cooking.

I wouldn't say vacation was necessarily more work for mom, but it's not much less work if there are young children involved. Nevertheless, taking a break from the routine is a good thing, even if it's just a couple of days. I could really see the difference in years when I worked right through the summer and took no vacation at all. I'd be fine all summer long, and then around mid-September, which is normally one of my favorite times of the year, I'd start to feel kind of melancholy and out of sorts.

happy chick

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 8:46 am

When there are young children involved, vacation is very taxing on the moms. We haven't done it in a long time just because of that. And like others said, if you're not going to a kosher destination, packing up food is a whole separate ordeal. I guess we'll have to wait it out until the kids gets older.

amother

Blonde

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 9:02 am

It’s not. A vacation it’s a getaway but we still do it and enjoy it despite the work. I love having a change of scenery, time spent with family not working or in school-We try to do a special activity we all enjoy. I even like short trips like long weekends throughout the year. This past summer we took 2 long weekends away, and we look forward to them for weeks

amother

Scarlet

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 9:04 am

That’s why what you are describing is not called a vacation.
It’s called a family trip. Going alone is called a vacation.
They are 2 different things, both are fabulous but should never be confused.

amother

Linen

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 9:12 am

amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:

I don’t know. I think getting away and bonding and having a change in routine as a family is a vacation. Maybe a diff type. But still a vacation.
I’d like to think so at least - otherwise I haven’t been on a vacation in over 10 years!!

amother

Copper

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 9:26 am

But you're describing, as a family trip. It's not a vacation. I take family trips with my kids a couple times a year usually. it ends up being more of an extended family trip with my parents and all my siblings and their kids. It's a ton of fun, but a ton of work. I also like to go away at least once a year with just my husband, and that's more of a vacation. Family trips are a lot of fun but they're definitely not a vacation for the parents.

Raisin

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 9:44 am

Its fun and can be relaxing too. I do have to cook and do laundry and tidy the house but no other big household projects. We bring a lot of ready made food (and my husband and kids help with the cooking or we bbq) and shabbos is very simple.

amother

Seashell

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 10:24 am

I used to come home from family vacations completely drained - between catching up on housework, office work, unpacking, etc., it almost made it not worth it to go away. Then I realized that I really need to spend some time ON VACATION relaxing and doing something for myself, not just taking care of the kids and the logistics, so that I am not resentful. My husband totally understands, so every day I take some "me" time - whether it is sleeping late, lounging around in the afternoon reading a book while my husband entertains the kids, taking a walk by myself or with my husband (I have teens, so they can stay unsupervised), I do one thing every day that makes it feel like I am on vacation too. Whether it is 15 minutes or an hour, it makes a world of a difference and I look forward to vacations now so much.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 11:00 am

When I was growing up, I don't remember one single "vacation". Any free time my parents had, we went to one of the sets of grand parents or the other. Both of them lived a couple of states away, so it was a road trip, a week or so of visiting, and a road trip back home.

There were no amusement parks, summer camps, or Disneyland. Nothing like that at all.

I remember once or twice my parents getting a family friend to babysit while they got away for the weekend together, but that's it.

We weren't really "poor", but we were definitely lower middle class. My parents had to be somewhat frugal in order to have a few nice extras.