Community Recommendations

amother

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 9:06 am

amother Magenta wrote:

I can't pm you anonymously. Also, this sounds nothing like the person who sets up shabbosim! If you didn't speak to rebbetzin S, then you spoke to the wrong person. If that's the case and you have an email you can post, I can try to connect you to the right person.

Definitely not the person I spoke with. I will PM you instead.

amother

Broom

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 10:13 am

kollel_wife wrote:

Regarding supplementing Kodesh, especially at this point, for only one child, you should probably be able to pay someone to do that. (I don't know your budget, but let's assume your income will go up with time.)

In a smaller 1-2 school community, the availability of serious skill-building tutoring is not something to take for granted, even with unlimited funds. And even if a tutor is available, the child may or may not want to do the supplementary work, especially if the work is a subject that is not being covered in school.

For example, if OP sends to a RW yeshiva that doesn't do conversational modern Hebrew, she should be prepared for the probability that her child won't get that skill. She can still try to achieve it through supplementation, and it is definitely possible, but it will be an uphill battle and I'd say the chances of meaningful accomplishment will be less than 50/50 unless she has some extra trump card, like a Hebrew-speaking grandparent who hangs out at their house all day.

amother

Valerian

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 10:49 am

I'm a giyores in my 50s and my opinion is that if you want to raise your son to fit in to a mainstream community, you need to give up the homestead dream (which I agree sounds lovely!) and the small community dream, and move to a decent-sized oot community.

Speaking from experience. I live in a mid sized oot community. My kids' schools taught them so much that I couldn't. You can't give what you don't have. Yes you'll be able to give so much to your kid and teach him so much, but there are a lot of things you just won't be able to, because you're an immigrant to a new culture. I'm not talking about academics.

You should look at communities like Baltimore, Cleveland, Detroit, Chicago that are big enough and have mesivtas (high school age boys' yeshivas) so your kid won't have to leave town to go to mesivta. You should also plan on sending him to sleepaway camp starting around age 12, to help him make friends from other places. This is really important for helping kids who don't have frum family feel like they have connections spread throughout the various communities.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 10:59 am

amother OP wrote:

Definitely not the person I spoke with. I will PM you instead.

You can't pm me as amother either. You'd have to make an anonymous email address.

About the 2 posts above, plenty of tutors in Waterbury bc of the yeshiva and also lots of rabbonim, and they just opened a mesivta for this coming school year. We're not that tiny anymore. And you'd fit in fine with a dog, raising chickens here if you want. Some people also grow their own greens and compost. We're a bit eclectic here. Not the full homestead experience, but as close as you'll get in a decent sized community.

kollel_wife

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 11:06 am

When I was writing about getting someone to help with Kodesh tutoring/supplementing, I was only referring to the part that the parents won't be able to do that themselves (unlike secular subjects), but that in a frum community that should be easy to find. I was not discussing the feasability of supplementing in general - would the child cooperate, etc.

mha3484

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 11:09 am

I think for BTs and Geirim, the reason its important to have school options vs one school is because we often grow and change as we raise our kids. For FFB people I think this happens less often. It happens but its not the same.

In my city, I have friends that have gone more to the right and switched schools to the more yeshivish schools. I know a few people who became more chassidish and switched their kids. I know people who have gone left then how they started out. We often pick schools for our preschool/pre1a aged kid when we our selves are still figuring stuff out and after a few years realize wait this system is not for me. If you live in a city with one school its risky. It could be 100% fine or it could not be.

amother

Broom

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 11:13 am

mha3484 wrote:

This is a really good point. I cosign wholeheartedly. DH and I are also BTs. We are making a smaller community work for us, but it is challenging in many ways.

mha3484

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 11:40 am

Hashem did me the chesed of giving my oldest extra challenges when we were applying for schools. I didn't even look at a certain school because they could never have managed him. Now that he is starting 7th and I have a lot more life experience I can see that if we had sent him there it would have been shoving ourselves into a box we didn't fit into and never really will. But I didn't know that when he was 4. I know that now that he is 12 and I thank hashem every day that he made the choice easy for us.

I call it knowing my place in frum society. I dont say it in a bitter jaded way chas v shalom. Some places are too FFB in the box for a family like mine and that is totally okay. There is nothing wrong with that but you cant often find it out unless you personally experience it and feeling stuck is a lousy feeling. I hope the OP will be able to find the best place for her family and not deal with this stuff.

amother

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 10:13 pm

amother Valerian wrote:

We are looking out of town but only in the Northeast. I've lived in a lot of communities and have been in this game for over a decade. This post was meant to specifically identify places in NY/CT/MA that we may have not heard of. I'm really not looking for opinions.

amother

Broom

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 10:31 pm

amother OP wrote:

What's in Malden besides a Chabad outreach house? You do mean Malden, MA, right?

Providence is on the investigation list.

I thought Malden had a fledgling community with a functioning shul that was providing incentives to try to build up numbers. Not Chabad. You'd have to bus or commute to Boston for school. I don't have up to date info unfortunately, but there have been threads on here in the past.

amother

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 10:34 pm

amother Magenta wrote:

The email is ehtanonymousemail@gmail.com. Please do send me a message.

amother

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 10:48 pm

amother Broom wrote:

I just found it. Thanks. I wish we had known this before we moved out of state. Really looks promising. My MIL would be rather pleased.

amother

Winterberry

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 10:59 pm

I believe that Malden has ended its incentive program, but worth it to look into it.

I know quite a bit about Providence, but it's better if you ask specific questions. You can post here, or PM the user HashemYazor and she will tell you my user name.