What would you have done?- stranger using your bathroom

amother

Dodgerblue

Sun, Aug 06 2023, 11:39 pm

amother Narcissus wrote:

That's a crazy story and sounds like a boundaries problem.
"My kids are coming home. You need to leave now"
I would never cancel a child's appointment because of a stranger

Or even, "I see you need a rest. In 5 minutes I need the house to be empty / need to leave / have a zoom meeting."

I did this. She said I should take my kid to the appointment and she will watch the others, and called my toddler over and asked him to bring her a book for her to read to him. She answered all statements that she needs to leave with "I actually need more time, and what a wonderful family you are that because I need to stay, you take care of me!" and didn't move. She had major boundary problems. And I didn't know that until it happened, because she was a stranger. Hence the issue. (Later that night, dh said I should have called someone for help.)

I will not take my child into a stranger's house, or go myself. I will if necessary knock on someone's door if I kind of know them and someone I do know knows them well. There's achrayus that way.

amother

Melon

Sun, Aug 06 2023, 11:59 pm

For a frum Woman would def let ! For a man only if my husband is home because man can go standing up easily ..
for kids dep the age , but most kids can make in a bush corner ect.,, and it’s not so embarrassing for them ,
I personally went in bushes many times when preg outside when no bathroom are available or when public bathrooms are too filthy I rather the bushes.. each to their own.

amother

Crystal

Mon, Aug 07 2023, 12:12 am

DrMom wrote:

The OP said this woman was on foot, not in a car. She was out with two little kids. If they were not in a city, it's pretty feasible that they were nowhere near a store or gas station.

And as numerous people have pointed out, the bathroom may have been for the mother, not the child. Pampers are irrelevant.

I know: She should have been carrying a port-o-potty.

And if one of her kids fell and was bleeding profusely, well too bad. She should have her own first aid kit.

And if she broke her arm, well that's just poor planning. She should be able to tear her skirt into strips and fashion it into a sling. Totally unnecessary to bother a neighbor. Maybe the neighbor doesn't like helping strangers, and she should respect that.

WELL SAID.

Razzmatazz,
I remember someone in my family once referencing volunteers of a certain Chessed organization, and saying something like, “They’re just a bunch of wanna be’s.”
Guess what-that very week, they needed to call that organization for help, for the first time.

Life has a way of helping people learn what they need to learn.

amother

Lightblue

Wed, Aug 09 2023, 11:38 pm

OP Kol hakavod you did a great chessed.

On a related note - my nephew , a regular BMG bochur once had to drive a few hours to an area he didn’t know to pick a girl up for a date. It was a crazy rainstorm with terrible flooding resulting in road closures. He had to use the bathroom, he was running late for the date due to the weather and didn’t know his way around. He was meeting the girl somewhere since it wasn’t her hometown and her parents weren’t there. (So using the bathroom in the girls house wasn’t an option ) He was getting increasingly nervous and anxious as he drove around looking for someplace to use a restroom . He spotted a shul. No parking . He drove more in the rain , spotted another shul , found parking down a long block. Walked quickly (since he was already late to the date due to all the rain and road closures ) in the rain to the shul - it was locked ! Ran in the rain back to his car. Drove around. Tried calling friends who live in that area but they were all in second Seder, without their phones. Finally spotted 7-11, parking only down the block (no parking lot) walked again in the rain. The manager said no bathroom available. Walked back to his car again in the rain. Called his mother asking her to please look up any other Shuls around. She found one and gave him directions. He drove there. Found parking only across the street , ran across the street in the rain. The shul is also locked. He was now quite late , looking disheveled from the rain, in desperate need of a bathroom , so uncomfortable and stressed ( remember he drove for hours and got delayed in stressful rain in unfamiliar area) and this is all before he even begins the date !!! A fellow young frum man saw my nephew trying to get into the shul called out asking if he needed help. BH he was kind enough to offer his bathroom (he lived nearby). This young man did such a chesed. And my nephew is not at all a nebach case or didn’t plan well. Sometimes life happens . And it’s nice when a yiid can help another even with letting them use your bathroom.

naturalmom5

Wed, Aug 09 2023, 11:45 pm

amother Melon wrote:

Im assuming this was in a very safe frum neighborhood
In a secluded area out yonder , middle of nowhere its a good way to get raped cvs