Do people teach their kids manners or only mitzvos?

amother

Periwinkle

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 2:18 am

ftm1234 wrote:

You think people are going to answer "Oh, I only teach my kids mitzvos. Manners don't matter as much".

Most people will probably say that just like you, they try their best to teach their kids manners.

A husband who drinks like that was most probably taught to drink from a cup and picked up this habit in yeshiva.

Kids who stare can be told not to stare a million times but if they find something interesting enough they will be right back at staring within two minutes. It's what kids do.

Not always is it because the parents didn't teach their kids manners.

Just my opinion.

Throw the tomatoes but I think staring is also part of the package of having larger families. When you are juggling a job and caring for 6 kids you don't really have energy and time to focus on getting your kids to stop staring at someone.

You got wayyy more important stuff to do on your endless list and more important things on your mind.

Queen Of Hearts

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 3:07 am

Reality wrote:

I feel like all these threads have an underlying theme: let's have a negative eye and only see the worst in our own community.

I have always worked with frum kids. I've worked with chassidish, yeshivish, modern orthodox, chareidi, dati leumi, whatever label you want to stick on. Most kids have decent manners. Some kids standout for their stellar manners and unfortunately, some stood out for the opposite.

Why focus on that small percentage? Most are not the best, but good enough. Why do frum Jews buy into the stereotypes about ourselves?

I know I will be accused of making the thread go the "typical" route, yada yada, but it's true. Why do we have this abnormal expectation that everyone behaves perfectly at all times? And then jump on the minority and paint with a broad brush about everyone in certain communities?

I agree.
Every community and their children are not perfect.
When I see non-Jewish children congregated at bus stops the level of noise and rowdiness is way worse than seen by our children.
We can nitpick and criticize. But at the end of the day there is so much beauty and good in all our communities.

But, not to negate, doing our hishtadlus and teaching our children derech eretz and manners.

Reality

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 3:40 am

Sweetmommy wrote:

Thank you. I was raised to always be polite: say please and thank you, hold doors open for others etc even though I come from a double digit family, shocker /sarcasm alert! I raise my children to behave the same way.

Bottom line: people see what they want to see. I focus on working on myself and my family. IRL, the people who I hear complaining about rude people publicly are quite rude themselves! I am a polite person and most of the time, people are polite back to me. Do I have a few stories? Of course, but what is life without a few crazy situations?

amother

Bluebonnet

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 3:53 am

amother Periwinkle wrote:

I have 5 kids. My oldest is 10. My kids stare at people and I tell them not to, but they still do it sometimes - it's called learning social skills and etiquette. It takes time.

imaima

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 4:48 am

amother Periwinkle wrote:

I think staring is the result of a very uniform society and lack of exposure to different kinds of people. Aka sheltering

NechaMom

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 9:26 am

Reality wrote:

I actually liked your post even though I’m op.
It’s interesting because I fully agree with your non judgemental attitude because I’m like that too.
Those few threads yesterday sparked this conversation but it’s not like I’m out there looking for the negative and judging. I was just wondering if people make teaching manners a priority up there with teaching mitzvos, but it’s just conversation. I’m not running around giving mussar to people IRL. I think it’s okay to have this awareness.