My husband wants to just let her cry it out

amother

Clear

Wed, Aug 30 2023, 10:02 am

amother OP wrote:

Thanks for all the responses. I didn't reply because for 2 nights she thankfully slept. But last night she was up again twice. I have a hard time falling back asleep and I was up straight from 3:30-5:30, I really cant continue like this!

I see most people agree its wrong to just let her cry, but I am not sure what to do! I don't know how to explain it well, but she is not a baby! She is extremely smart and stubborn, very verbal, understands every single thing, asks questions all day and is not baby-like at all.

I really, really don't think she is having night terrors; when she wakes up at night, she is fully awake and cognizant, talking regular, not half asleep screaming.
When I came to her room last night, she was sitting up calmly, not even crying anymore, just waiting for me. (my son she sleeps with came to get me, she stopped crying when he said he is going to get mommy)

And I end up threatening her because its the only thing that works!
I ask her what she wants, I offer her a drink, a hug, she just shrugs and says no no, and then I told her good night and walked out and she started screaming again, did this a few times, until I lost it and came back and told her she has to go back to sleep or else she is being put in the basement (time-out) After twice of threatning this, she laid back down. by then I was fully awake and couldnt fall back asleep for hours Sad

and I need to function today

The other issue is, she sleeps with her 5 year old brother , and she wakes him up every time, and he come to get me, but he is at his wits end and is strarting to hate her, he can't stand being woken up by crying sister-I don't blame him.

I really dont think this stage or something really wrong thats making her cry.
I think its a habit that she got into and it has to be broken because I really cant anymore. But I dont know what to do.

And my husband is also beyond upset at me-he was also up and he thinks I am giving in to her and its my fault this is continuing.

I see your under a lot of pressure from your husband and that’s not ok at all. He needs a reality check as to what being a parent means.

Also why is your time out in the basement? Night or day it’s seems like a severe punishment. Time out isn’t really a gold standard in parenting anymore but even those who use it wouldn’t place a child in a basement even during the day.

Edited to add - Did you checked for pinworms? It’s so common in preschool and day camps. Strep and ear infections as well should be ruled out.

amother

Caramel

Wed, Aug 30 2023, 10:26 am

amother OP wrote:

Honestly, with the situation you're describing, I'd just let her scream it out till she see's that you're not coming. The entire family is losing sleep, this isn't normal. I'd tell her when she goes to bed that you'll see her in the morning and she can't wake brother up. If she has a boo boo, she should come to you. If she wakes at night, go to her once and tell her that it's sleep time. Don't take her out of bed. Leave the room and that's it.

Raindance

Wed, Aug 30 2023, 12:21 pm

When I have kids who wake up, I bring them to the window and show them the darkness.

'Look! the cat's are sleeping, the birds are sleeping, the people are sleeping, the cars are sleeping, Moishy is sleeping, also Tatty is sleeping, and now it's time for Ahuva to go to sleep. Goooood night.'

And sometimes we look at pictures of the family while walking past them and say good night (or objects of drawing from gan (good night snail), and also past the mirror, and we say good night mommy, and then good night Ahuva. Then I tuck her in again. The second time she cries, I tell her that it's night. I keep putting her back in bed and tucking in and leave the room while saying 'now it's night and you have to sleep, good night'

My goal is to make her understand that night is for sleeping. and that darkness is night. and that everyone sleeps. and I keep leaving the room to make her feel safe falling asleep alone. it's a gradual process, but it works

Maybe she should stop having her afternoon nap if she still has it?

also, now you have so many ideas from the wonderful imas of how to deal with this, PICK ONE!! Don't do something different every day. Take the approach that resonates with you the most and stick to it for about 15 days. (until RH?) consistency is key

amother

Snow

Thu, Aug 31 2023, 3:42 pm

Raindance wrote:

You seem like such a kind and sweet mother