Meal train - is this inappropriate?

amother

Almond

Wed, Sep 06 2023, 3:08 am

amother Heather wrote:

I think meals should be given to ppl who really need it. These days I see meal trains for everyone going around. I mean why do you need meals if your parents and in laws are staying by you for 2 weeks to help you post birth?? My last baby no one offfered me anything. Yes I’m busy, and it was not my first kid, and no parents or in laws came to help. I made my own suppers from when I came home from the hospital. Most recipes take 5-10 minutes to prepare. Lasagna, chicken and rice, chicken cutlets, pastas, so many easy recipes. And if I was too tired, my husband brought home takeout. Do I wish ppl offered me meals, yes, forsure. Ppl forget that when they are getting meals it actually costs money too. I mean ppl expect salmon, that’s $6 a piece average. Chicken, at least $10 a pack. And then you need to send a salad, fruits etc. that’s a very expensive meal. I don’t serve salmon during the week. No lettuce salads either. I get woman pp are weak and need healthy food, but they don’t need fancy gourmet food. I honestly don’t offer for meal trains because I’m worried the look I’ll get if I don’t make some fancy 3 course meal. In my neighborhood ppl started collecting money to buy takeout for meal trains pp, I joined once, but I thought that was crazy. Why keep upping in.

Totally off topic, but can you share your easy lasagna recipe? I find it a major patchke and hardly ever make it.

amother

Heather

Wed, Sep 06 2023, 1:22 pm

@ amother Almond super easy recipe. In a bowl I put a can of tomato sauce/usually 1.5 cans. Put in ricotta cheese or cottage cheese whichever you have. (Ricotta comes out better but both taste good.) add some salt, garlic , pepper. And ofc shredded cheese, whichever you have and then start layering lasagna and the sauce cheese mixture. You can use the oven ready lasagna or the regular lasagna noodles and just add water all around the pan to cook it up. So so easy and it’s a hit in my house every time. Also the only dish I need to wash is the bowl and utensils so really doesn’t make any mess either. I bake 40-45min covered and then uncover for another 20-30 min to crisp up the cheese etc.

amother

Clear

Wed, Sep 06 2023, 1:48 pm

amother OP wrote:

My smallish but growing community makes a lot of meal trains. I've been living here a little over a year and made sure to participate in a few, often by chipping in to a gift card but I did some food too.

I think the standard is to provide 2 weeks of meals after a birth. If it's an illness/hospitalization issue then I guess as needed.

I had a baby a little more than 2 weeks ago but went to my summer hangout instead of back home after. My summer friends provided supper for a little over a week and 2 Shabboses.

Now we're back home and almost a month post birth but I'm having a hard time managing. I'm recovering slowly but feel the need to take it easier. The baby is more demanding than my others were - nothing disastrous bh that would count as extenuating circumstances, but his care is eating up all my time and energy (mild feeding issues plus fussiness) My kids are eating a lot of cereal, macaroni, and frozen pizza. Which is not the end of the world but it is a little lame.

I'm a little bummed that we missed out on the local meal train since we weren't here when the baby was born. I think it's wrong to feel this way because I did get meals from other people instead but I wonder, would it be inappropriate to hint to the coordinators that we would like some help? Or would that be like double dipping or taking advantage since we got already from someone else, and we're past the usual stage that people get without extenuating circumstances?

In particular I had dh make Shabbos last week because he was off for labor day weekend but I'm already worrying how I'm going to make Shabbos this week when he's back at work. I KNOW it's fine to cut myself slack and serve cream cheese sandwiches for Shabbos or whatever suggestions you have. But we've been having that kind of food all week too and it's kind of sad.

I'm thinking I need to just move on and keep the macaroni coming without imposing on anyone else. But thanks for entertaining the idea with me.

as someone who organized many meal trains, I would feel comfortable telling people that you really asked if they can help. I only take the food, but they are the one cooking. Maybe your neighbors will want to help you do shabos (it is spread out between 5-7 ppl by us, so if everyone chips in, it's not such a big deal. I don't care pushing myself for a good neighbor or friend even one month after baby.

amother

Clear

Wed, Sep 06 2023, 1:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

to all those wondering -why the husband cannot. So, if he really can cook -he should!! But keep in mind that you never know other people's shalom bais and capabilities, even if they have a fresh new baby. My husband cannot cook for me or kids and will not (it's not a question of cannot, but yes will or won't). I don't care about husband, but I think it's nice to help a mother and her kids.

What would you do if some other lady requested you? I think up to 6 weeks is very fresh, so not only first two are crucial....

amother

Wed, Sep 06 2023, 2:30 pm

imaima wrote:

Op
I want an update! What did you end up doing?

Nothing yet. Chewed on all the food for thought. Thought I would collapse yesterday after baby not sleeping and then getting everyone's last minute back to school settled. The kids had breakfast for lunch (last day of being able to dawdle until noon) and macaroni for supper and I realized I need help more than they do so decided to Uber myself a nice salad with protein for lunch. But it took me until now to place the order. Went for fleishig in the hope that the iron does something good for me. But I also scoped out the dairy and veggie options so maybe I can get to placing the order sooner next time. Never did Uber eats before but it was time to put my foot down because I simply can't make food, shower, and do the baby all in the same day. It just isn't happening.