S/o not enough food served at in laws

B'Syata D'Shmya

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 8:47 am

amother OP wrote:

Sorry I can't respond to everyone's replies. Thank you all for your responses! I am happy that she wants to contribute and be involved, but it's done with the message that I (the mother) am not doing my job(making the type of foods she wants), so she's going to have to do it for me. While she is doing her fancy things, she is in my way while I am actually making the things that will feed people. I do bake with my other kids earlier so they can feel like they contributed as well to Yom tov, but my teen is just in a different place.

Welcome to teen parenting 2023!!
Regarding her attitude, she is still developing her communication skills. Tell her how you want to be spoken to, if something irks you, you can tell her in a way that demonstrates a skill she will need her whole life. I try to look at it as style and not substance certainly not personal but her individuating. Put boundaries on chutzpah, tell her you will treat her respectfully and expect the same. You are open to try new foods but lets keep the atmosphere pleasant.

Perhaps you can use the kitchen at different hours so you arent in each others hair. Ask her for a list of ingredients she will use, what kitchen tools she will need. If she needs something you dont have, be generous within reason. You are investing in your dd, and its cheaper than therapy.

amother

DarkMagenta

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 8:51 am

amother OP wrote:

It sounds like a power struggle. Disengage. Pre-plan. 3 weeks before YT, tell her I know you love fancy dishes. I'm giving you the kitchen on x date, and you have free reign. I'm so excited to see that you make! After that, I'll be busy in the kitchen with YT things so this is your chance and I'm super happy to be surprised with your dishes.

amother

Feverfew

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:02 am

You can't compare with the other poster. She was talking about people going home hungry. Not enough portions. Your daughter is talking variety. That is a rich man's issue.

You could be nice and accommodate but you don't have to. This is about wants not needs.

amother

Blonde

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:02 am

I usually have challa, fish, soup, 2 mains, 2 sides, a salad and a dessert BUT I used to cook one of everything for Friday and a different main and side for Shabbat lunch.
I would get requests Friday night for each item and complaints that I didn't serve their favorite and the first meal.
So now I cook for 2 meals yet serve everything for both meals. No new food at lunch and everyone always has their favorites at every meal.